Autism and sexually inappropriate behaviour

About sexual development and behaviour in autistic children and teenagers

Sexual development starts at birth. It includes physical changes like puberty, the attitudes and beliefs children develop about sex and sexuality, and their sexual behaviour.

Sexual behaviour varies depending on children’s and teenagers’ development, social relationships, cultural background, and personal and family experiences.

Most sexual behaviour in autistic children and teenagers is a typical and healthy part of development. For example, young children often explore their own bodies and the bodies of other children by looking or touching. Teenagers might masturbate in private or be sexually active with a consenting person of a similar age.

You don’t usually need to be concerned about typical and healthy behaviour. You can read more in the following articles:

What is problematic and harmful sexual behaviour in autistic children and teenagers?

Problematic sexual behaviour

Problematic sexual behaviour is behaviour that isn’t expected for children’s developmental stage, isn’t socially or culturally appropriate, or isn’t appropriate for the situation.

Examples of this behaviour in autistic children and teenagers include:

a child rubbing their genitals against furniture
a teenager touching their own genitals in public
a child or teenager sharing naked or sexual images of themselves online.

Harmful sexual behaviour

Sometimes sexual behaviour in children and teenagers is harmful to themselves or others. Examples of this behaviour include a child or teenage child forcing, coercing or threatening another child to take part in sexual acts.

If you see examples of problematic or harmful sexual behaviour in autistic children and teenagers, it’s important to get professional advice. Start by talking with your child and family health nurse, GP or paediatrician or another health professional.

Why problematic and harmful sexual behaviour happens

Autistic children and teenagers might engage in problematic or harmful sexual behaviour because of their:

difficulties with social skills
sensory issues
difficulties understanding how other people think and feel
special interests, which could be sexual.

When you understand why your child is behaving in a particular way, it can help you choose the right strategy for managing and changing the behaviour. There are suggestions below for handling inappropriate sexual behaviour related to these areas of difficulty.

Difficulties with social skills

Autistic children and teenagers can have difficulty with social skills, like reading other people’s facial expressions, body language and behaviour cues. This means they might not realise how their behaviour affects other people. Also, they might not understand that sometimes they have to act differently in public and private places. And they might miss out on learning socially appropriate sexual behaviour from friends or relationship education.

These difficulties can sometimes lead to problematic sexual behaviour. For example, autistic children might not understand that they shouldn’t:

stare at other people while they’re using the urinal
touch their genitals or masturbate in the classroom.

Autistic teenagers might:

have trouble expressing sexual attraction, so they say sexual thoughts aloud, stare at another person’s breasts or buttocks, or make inappropriate or unwanted sexual advances
pay too much attention to someone they’re sexually interested in and end up stalking them.

Strategies for problematic sexual behaviour related to social skill difficulties

If your autistic child is behaving in sexually problematic ways and you think it’s because of social skills difficulties, here are things you can try:

Work on your child’s understanding of private and public body parts. This can help your child understand what’s OK to do in private but not in public.
Help your child learn about personal boundaries with a circle of friends activity.
Explain romantic and sexual feelings and relationships and sexual consent to your child as they get older.

You could also create rules to help your child. Here are examples:

It’s OK to touch your genitals but only when you’re in private places like your bedroom.
It’s not OK to touch someone where their swimwear or underwear would cover.
It’s not OK to touch another person’s genitals unless they say you can.
It’s never OK to touch a younger child’s genitals, even if they say you can.

Depending on your child’s developmental level, visual supports and social stories might help your child understand rules about bodies, boundaries and consent.

Autistic children and teenagers can have difficulty with understanding abstract ideas, like the difference between real life and fantasy. For example, this means they might not understand that sexual acts they’ve seen in pornography don’t reflect real-life relationships, which should be respectful and consensual.

Sensory issues

Some autistic children and teenagers seek out sensory experiences. For example, they might prefer tight or loose clothes or like to touch things with certain textures.

This might lead them to behave in sexually inappropriate ways. For example, they might:

touch their genitals in public
rub their genitals on objects or other people
touch other people’s clothing or hair without understanding that this might be seen as sexual.

Strategies for problematic sexual behaviour related to sensory issues

If your autistic child is behaving in sexually problematic ways and you think it’s because of sensory issues, it’s important to reduce the risk of inappropriate sexual behaviour.

You can do this by helping your child understand that touching others is not OK unless they’ve asked the other person first and the other person has said it’s OK. And that it’s never OK if the other person is a younger child.

You might also need to find something else for your child to touch. An occupational therapist can recommend toys and equipment that can meet your child’s sensory needs in a more appropriate way.

Difficulties understanding how other people think and feel

Autistic children and teenagers can find it difficult to understand that other people might have thoughts and feelings that are different from theirs.

This might lead to inappropriate sexual behaviours. For example, they might think that if they want to have sex, the other person also wants to.

Strategies for problematic sexual behaviour related to difficulties understanding other people

Here are things you can try to help your autistic child understand other people’s thoughts and feelings:

Point out that different family members like different foods or are afraid of different things.
Use pictures of different facial expressions and body language to show what people look like when they feel happy, interested, unhappy or uncomfortable.
Talk about consent and how your child needs to ask before kissing or touching someone in a sexual way. For example, your child should say, ‘I would like to kiss you. Would that be OK?’ and wait for the person to say yes before kissing them.

Special interests

Autistic children and teenagers can have specific and strong interests – for example, superheroes. These interests can sometimes be sexual – for example, collecting pornography.

Inappropriate interests

If your child has developed an interest in something sexual, here are things to try:

Shift the interest to something related but not sexual.
Talk with your child about why they’re interested in the topic.
Explore new but related interests with your child.

For example, if your child is collecting pornography, you could talk about how it’s OK to be curious about bodies and sex. You could also explain what pornography is and why it isn’t good for children to see it. And then you could explore related topics like anatomy or photography.

If autistic children or teenagers are engaging in harmful sexual behaviour, it’s essential to get professional support. If children get support for harmful sexual behaviour, they’re unlikely to continue this behaviour.