Typical sexual behaviour in childhood: 4-6 years
Sexual development starts at birth. It includes physical changes like puberty, the attitudes and beliefs children develop about sex and sexuality, and their sexual behaviour.
Sexual behaviour varies depending on children’s development, social relationships, cultural background, and personal and family experiences. But it’s common for children to be curious about bodies, gender roles and sexual concepts as they develop.
4-6 years: questions, jokes and play
- Exploring their own bodies, which might include masturbating
- Asking questions about gender, sexuality, babies and where they come from, and other sexual concepts
- Playing games that involve being naked or using gender-based roles, like doctors and nurses
- Looking at or touching the genitals of familiar children or adults in a curious way in the bath or toilet
- Talking and making jokes about toileting, body functions and body parts
How child development affects this behaviour
Your child might behave in these ways because it feels good. They might also do it because they’re:
- learning about touch and social rules
- wondering about the differences among bodies
- working out how bodies work
- trying to understand families and relationships
- testing limits to see what words are OK to use.
Open and honest talk about sex, bodies and relationships lays the groundwork for future talks about development, respectful relationships and sexuality. It’s never too early to start talking.
How to support healthy development and behaviour: tips for parents
You can use sexual behaviour as an opportunity to help your child learn. The key is listening, talking and answering questions openly, honestly and in a way your child can understand.
Topics for parents to discuss: bodies and body parts
At this age, you can talk about public and private body parts, differences among bodies and words for parts of the body. For example, ‘I noticed that you’re curious about bodies. Maybe we can find a book about bodies to read together’.
When talking with your child, it’s a good idea to use the proper words for body parts – for example, vagina, vulva, breasts, penis, testicles and so on. This helps your child learn about their body. It also gives them language they can use to ask questions or tell you about concerns.
How to stop or redirect behaviour
Calmly distract or redirect your child or find another activity for them to do. For example, if your child is playing ‘You show me yours, I’ll show you mine’, you could say, ‘Put your clothes on and come to the kitchen for a snack’.
Afterwards, you could talk to your child about what behaviour is OK in your home and what behaviour is OK in front of other children, other parents or teachers. For example, you could explain that although it’s OK for your child to play without their clothes on at home, it’s not OK when other people can see them.
What to do about harmful behaviour: advice for parents
Sometimes childhood sexual behaviour isn’t what’s expected for children’s developmental stage or isn’t socially or culturally appropriate.
And sometimes children’s sexual behaviour is harmful to themselves or others. Harmful behaviour can range from concerning to serious and extreme.
Recognising concerning signs
Harmful sexual behaviour in children aged 4-6 years might include masturbating:
- persistently, even when someone has tried to get them to do something else
- in public
- in ways that interfere with other activities
- in ways that injure their genitals.
It might also include:
- using sexually explicit language
- playing games with sexual themes or simulating sexually explicit acts when playing or interacting with others – for example, open mouth kissing
- persistently trying to touch the genitals of other children, adults or animals
- forcing other children to take part in sexual behaviour like oral sex or penetration with objects
- trying to put an object into their own or someone else’s anus or vagina
- watching pornography or showing pornography to other children.
Children aged 4-6 years might behave in these ways for many reasons. For example, it might happen because they:
- have been exposed to pornography or adult sexual activity and are re-enacting what they’ve seen
- are experiencing child sexual abuse or other forms of child abuse
- find it hard to manage their emotions.
Children who have learning difficulties and disorders or difficulties with impulse control, social skills or rules can also be more vulnerable to engaging in harmful sexual behaviour.
Where to get help for harmful behaviour in children 4-6 years
If you’ve noticed harmful sexual behaviour, which your child keeps doing even when you ask them to stop, it’s a good idea to seek support and professional help.
A GP or child and family health nurse is a good place to start. You could also speak with your child’s teacher or other school staff. They can refer you to an experienced health professional who can help you understand what’s happening and how you can help your child.
Harmful sexual behaviour in childhood can be distressing. You can get support by contacting helplines and specialist services.
More information for parents about sexual development
You can learn more about typical and harmful behaviour throughout childhood and adolescence in the following parent guides: