Typical sexual behaviour in early adolescence: 10-11 years
Sexual development starts at birth. It includes physical changes like puberty, the attitudes and beliefs children develop about sex and sexuality, and their sexual behaviour.
Sexual behaviour varies depending on children’s development, social relationships, cultural background, and personal and family experiences. But it’s common for kids to become more curious about sex and sexuality as they develop.
10-11 years: curiosity, chat and affection
- Touching their genitals or masturbating in private
- Having relationships with same-age peers that include physical affection like kissing and hugging
- Talking with peers about sex, gender, sexuality, pregnancy, puberty and other sexual concepts
- Consensually taking and sharing photos of themselves in ‘sexy’ poses while clothed
How adolescent development affects this behaviour
Your child might behave in these ways because it feels good. They might also do it because they:
- are exploring how to express affection
- are working out how to behave in peer and social relationships
- have started puberty
- are exploring their identity.
If you talk openly about sex and sexuality with your child, it sends the message that your child can come to you for honest and reliable information. These conversations can help your child make positive, safe and informed choices, now and in the future.
How to support healthy development and behaviour: tips for parents
You can use sexual behaviour as an opportunity to help your child learn. The key is listening, talking and answering questions openly, honestly and in a way your child can understand.
Topics for parents to discuss: affection, identity, appropriate behaviour
At this age, you could ask your child whether they have any questions about sex, sexual affection, identity and relationships. Then you could talk with your child about appropriate behaviour for different situations and relationships. For example, you could say that behaving respectfully means making sure that other people consent to your child kissing or hugging them.
You and your child could also read books or watch videos together about relationships, puberty, consent and personal safety.
What to do about inappropriate behaviour
Calmly suggest another activity and remind your child about public and private behaviour. For example, you could remind them that touching their genitals is a private behaviour, which they should do in their bedroom or the bathroom.
What to do about harmful behaviour: advice for parents
Sometimes sexual behaviour in 10-11-year-olds isn’t what’s expected for their developmental stage or isn’t socially or culturally appropriate.
And sometimes children’s behaviour at this age is harmful to themselves or others. Harmful sexual behaviour can range from concerning to serious and extreme.
Harmful behaviour at this age might include masturbating:
- persistently in public
- in ways that interfere with other activities
- in ways that injure their genitals.
It might also include:
- being persistently voyeuristic
- aggressively trying to touch other people’s genitals, bottoms or breasts
- having relationships that involve mutual masturbation or oral sex with same-age or older peers
- forcing other children to take part in behaviour like oral sex or penetration with objects
- frequently watching pornography
- taking and sharing photos of themselves naked or with their genitals exposed.
Children might behave in these ways for many reasons. For example, it might happen because they:
- have been exposed to pornography or adult sexual activity and are re-enacting what they’ve seen
- are experiencing child sexual abuse or other forms of child abuse
- find it hard to manage their emotions.
Children who have learning difficulties and disorders or difficulties with impulse control, social skills or rules can also be more vulnerable to engaging in harmful sexual behaviour.
When to get help for harmful sexual behaviour
If you’ve noticed your child engaging in harmful sexual behaviour and they keep doing it even when you ask them to stop, it’s a good idea to seek support and professional help.
A GP is a good place to start. You could also speak with your child’s teacher or other school staff. They can refer you to an experienced health professional who can help you understand what’s happening and how you can help your child.
Harmful sexual behaviour in children can be distressing. You can get support by contacting helplines and specialist services.
More information for parents about sexual development
You can learn more about typical and harmful behaviour throughout childhood and adolescence in the following parent guides: