Childhood sexual behaviour at 7-9 years: parent education guide

Typical sexual behaviour in childhood: 7-9 years

Sexual behaviour is part of children’s overall development at 6-8 years and their development in the pre-teen years.

At 7-9 years, children’s development includes curiosity about their world. They ask a lot of questions and try to figure out how things work. They’re interested in what other children are doing and might be keen to make friends. And it’s common for children at this age to become more curious about bodies, relationships and sexual concepts.

Like all behaviour, sexual behaviour is also shaped by children’s social relationships, cultural backgrounds and personal experiences.

What to expect at 7-9 years: curiosity, chat and jokes

Here’s some developmentally typical behaviour that you might see at this age. Your child might:

touch genitals or masturbate in private
be curious about the genitals of other same-age children, including looking at and touching them
be curious about gender, sexuality and where babies come from
talk and make jokes about toileting, body functions and body parts
talk about having boyfriends or girlfriends
kiss or hold hands with another child of a similar age
want more privacy in the bathroom or when getting dressed.

Why do children behave this way at 7-9 years?

Your child might behave in these ways because it feels good. They might also do it because they’re:

wondering about the differences among bodies
working out how bodies work
trying to understand friendships and group dynamics
adjusting to school environments and peer expectations.

Children start developing sexually from birth, and sexual behaviour is part of this development. Sexual development is a lifelong process that includes physical changes like puberty and the beliefs children develop about bodies, relationships, gender and sexuality.

How to support healthy behaviour: tips for parents

Create a healthy family environment

Children start learning about healthy behaviour from birth, and they learn by watching how you and other adults communicate and behave. As children get older, they also learn from their friends and peers and from things they see on TV and online, and in movies, books, magazines and so on.

This means you can create a family environment that encourages healthy sexual behaviour by:

being a role model for respectful behaviour towards others
discussing ideas related to consent
looking at your family’s attitudes to gender
monitoring the apps, games, TV, movies and online videos your child engages with
checking your approach to online safety, including pornography and sexting.

Talk early, talk often

At 7-9 years, one of the best ways to support healthy sexual behaviour is talking and listening. Talking and listening has many benefits. For example, you can hear what your child thinks and knows about sex, bodies and relationships. And your child can ask questions, which you can answer in honest and age-appropriate ways.

These open and honest conversations also help to lay the foundation for your child to have healthy, respectful, safe and enjoyable sexual experiences when they’re ready for them. And they send the message that your child can always come to you for reliable, non-judgmental information about tricky topics like sexual behaviour.

You can use everyday moments or examples from TV shows, movies, books and media stories to get conversations started. Or you could go online together and talk about things you come across.

Handle inappropriate behaviour calmly

Kids will sometimes behave in ways that aren’t appropriate.

If this happens with your child, it’s best to stay calm and suggest another activity. For example, if your child is playing ‘You show me yours, I’ll show you mine’, you could say, ‘Both of you come to the kitchen. You can have a snack, and then we’ll play a different game’.

You could talk to your child later about what behaviour is OK in your home and what behaviour is OK in front of other children, parents or teachers. For example, you could explain that although it’s OK for your child to play without their clothes on at home, it’s not OK in public or communal spaces.

What to do about harmful behaviour: advice for parents

Sometimes sexual behaviour in children aged 7-9 years isn’t what’s expected for their developmental stage. This behaviour is called harmful sexual behaviour.

What is harmful behaviour at 7-9 years?

Harmful sexual behaviour in children aged 7-9 years might include:

masturbating persistently even when you’ve tried to redirect them, masturbating in public or masturbating in ways that injure their genitals
using sexually explicit language aggressively or repeatedly
playing games with sexual themes or simulating adult sexual acts
persistently trying to touch the genitals of other children, adults or animals
forcing other children to take part in sexual behaviour like oral sex or penetration with objects
trying to put an object into their own or someone else’s anus or vagina
watching pornography or showing pornography to other children
taking photos of their own or other children’s genitals and sharing the photos with others.

Why does harmful behaviour happen at 7-9 years?

Children aged 7-9 years might behave in sexually harmful ways for many reasons. For example, it might happen because they:

have been exposed to pornography or adult sexual activity and are re-enacting what they’ve seen
are experiencing child sexual abuse or other forms of child abuse
find it hard to manage their emotions.

Children who have learning difficulties and disorders or difficulties with impulse control, social skills or rules can be more vulnerable to engaging in harmful sexual behaviour.

Where parents can get help for harmful behaviour in children aged 7-9 years

If you’ve noticed your child engaging in harmful sexual behaviour and they keep doing it even when you ask them to stop, seek support and professional help.

A GP is a good place to start. They can refer you to an experienced health professional who can help you understand what’s happening and how you can help your child.

You can also contact Kids Helpline or a child sexual safety helpline.

Harmful sexual behaviour in children can be upsetting. You can get support from health professionals, child sexual safety helplines and parent helplines.

More information for parents about development and sexual behaviour

You can learn more about typical and harmful behaviour throughout childhood and adolescence in the following parent guides: