When to start preparing your autistic child for puberty
Your autistic child might need time to understand and adjust to the changes of puberty. You’re the best person to know how much time your child needs to prepare for puberty and when to start preparing them.
When you’re thinking about when to start preparing your child, it might help to know that on average puberty starts at:
- 10-11 years for girls
- 11-12 years for boys.
But it’s normal for the start of puberty to range from 8-13 years in girls and 9-14 years in boys. So there’s no way of knowing exactly when puberty will start.
Autism doesn’t affect when puberty starts.
Why it’s important to talk early about puberty with your autistic child
Early conversations with your child can help to prepare them for the physical changes of puberty. And when your child is well prepared, they’re less likely to feel confused or worry that there’s something wrong.
For example, erections, wet dreams and periods can be unsettling and worrying for autistic children. But talking early can help your child know what these experiences look and feel like and what to do when they happen. It’s also a chance for you to let your child know that these changes are a normal part of growing up.
Talking early can also give your child time to go over information many times. This is part of how many autistic children learn best.
What to say about puberty: ideas for different ages
When your child is younger
The differences between adult bodies and children’s bodies can be a great starting point. Your child can link having a beard, breasts or underarm hair to the idea of ‘having a grown-up body’.
As your child gets older
You can use the word ‘puberty’. You might say, ‘Puberty is when a child’s body changes into an adult body’. And then when your child notices physical differences in other people, you can talk about them in relation to ‘puberty’. This can help your child understand the change from child to adult.
Your child might need support to understand how these changes will affect them. It can help to make clear statements like ‘As you change into an adult, you’ll also have underarm hair’.
You can also explain that people develop differently depending on age, gender and genetics.
You might like to talk with staff at your child’s school about what they’re covering in class. By working with school staff, you can make sure your child is getting the same messages at home and school. You can also check that school lessons don’t go too fast or assume your child understands certain things when they don’t.
How to talk about puberty with your autistic child
Be careful with language
You might need to be careful about language, particularly if your child takes things literally.
For example, if you describe your child’s voice as ‘breaking’, your child might find this worrying. Instead, you could say something like, ‘Your voice is changing and will get deeper’. You could also explain that men’s voices are usually deeper than women’s. Your child’s father’s or older brother’s voice could be a good example.
Clarify information as needed
Your child might need more explanation of some topics.
For example, your child might need help understanding that hair doesn’t grow in the same way all over their body. New hair that grows under their arms or on their face will look different from hair on their arms and legs.
Use correct names for body parts
It’s best to use formal terms like ‘breasts’ or ‘penis’ for body parts.
It’s also a good idea to introduce informal names for body parts too – for example, ‘boobs’ for breasts. Your child might hear these words at school or other places.
Reassure your child
It’s important to let your child know that physical and sexual changes are a natural part of growing up. This can help your child feel good about themselves and develop a positive self-image.
If your autistic child asks tricky questions, try to be patient and honest. For example, ‘I don’t know – let’s look it up together’. And if your child asks questions at inappropriate moments, try a standard response. For example, ‘That’s a good question, but let’s talk about it when we get home’. And make sure to answer the question later.
How to prepare your autistic child for sensory and other changes in puberty
Sensory changes
The sensory aspects of puberty can be challenging for autistic children – for example, body hair, breast tenderness, and skin changes can all feel uncomfortable or overwhelming.
New products like bras, deodorant and sanitary pads have unfamiliar textures, pressures and smells too.
Here’s how to get your child ready for these sensory changes:
- Let your child try new products before they need to use them, so they can get used to them gradually.
- Give your child choice. The textures and smells of products vary across brands.
- Work with an occupational therapist to help your child find practical strategies and products that suit them.
Changes to routines
Puberty adds new tasks to your child’s day. Here are ideas to help your child plan or remember the steps in these new tasks:
- Think about new routines before your child needs them.
- Break new tasks into clear, simple steps.
- Create a visual checklist or guide to put in the bathroom.
- Practise new routines before your child needs them.
Puberty affects mood and emotions for all young people. For autistic children this might mean more frequent or intense meltdowns, anxiety or stimming. You can help your child recognise and manage their emotions.
Visual supports to help your autistic child understand puberty
Pictures of yourself
You could show your child pictures of yourself at different ages so your child can see how you’ve changed over time. This can help your child understand the physical changes of puberty.
Drawings of a body
You could also use drawings of a body to show how puberty looks at different ages. Label the body parts and highlight the changes that will happen – from getting taller to growing pubic hair.
‘All about me’ book
An ‘All about me’ book can help your child see how they change over time. It could include pictures of your child now and when they were younger.
Social stories to help your autistic child understand puberty
You can create social stories for many puberty topics.
For example, social stories might cover developing breasts and widening hips, starting periods, penis and testicle growth, erections, voice changes and more.
Ideas for social stories about physical changes in puberty
- The shape of my body will change.
- I will start to have periods.
- My body will look different.
- My body will do new things.
- My voice will sound different.
Ideas for a social story about wet dreams
- When I’m sleeping, I might have a dream. When I wake up, my sheets might be sticky and wet.
- This is called a wet dream.
- When I have a wet dream, I should always wash my testicles (balls) and penis when I wake up.
- Wet dreams happen to many boys.