Childhood sexual behaviour at 10-11 years: parent education guide

Typical sexual behaviour in childhood: 10-11 years

Sexual behaviour is part of children’s overall development in the pre-teen years.

At 10-11 years, children’s development includes many physical, social, emotional and cognitive changes. Children often feel strong and sometimes overwhelming emotions like embarrassment, shame and humiliation. They start comparing themselves with peers and become more aware of how others see them. It’s common for them to want extra privacy or to feel embarrassed about getting changed in front of others. And it’s also common for them to become more curious about sex and sexuality.

Like all behaviour, sexual behaviour is also shaped by children’s social relationships, cultural backgrounds and personal experiences.

What to expect at 10-11 years: curiosity, chat and affection

Here’s some developmentally typical behaviour that you might see at this age. Your child might:

touch genitals or masturbate in private
have relationships with same-age peers that include physical affection like kissing and hugging
talk with peers about sex, gender, sexuality, pregnancy, puberty and other sexual concepts
consensually take and share photos of themselves in cool or ‘sexy’ poses while clothed.

Why do children behave this way at 10-11 years?

Your child might behave in these ways because it feels good. They might also do it because they’re:

trying to understand the changes of early puberty in themselves and their peers
working out how to behave in peer and social relationships.

Children start developing sexually from birth, and sexual behaviour is part of this development. Sexual development is a lifelong process that includes physical changes like puberty and the beliefs children develop about bodies, relationships, gender and sexuality.

How to support healthy behaviour: tips for parents

Create a healthy family environment

Children start learning about healthy behaviour from birth, and they learn by watching how you and other adults communicate and behave. As children get older, they also learn from their friends and peers and from things they see on TV and online, and in movies, books, magazines and so on.

This means you can create a family environment that encourages healthy sexual behaviour by:

being a role model for respectful behaviour towards others
discussing ideas related to consent
looking at your family’s attitudes to gender
monitoring the apps, games, TV, movies and online videos your child engages with
checking your approach to online safety, including pornography and sexting.

Talk early, talk often

At 10-11 years, one of the best ways to support healthy sexual behaviour is talking and listening. Talking and listening has many benefits. For example, you can hear what your child thinks and knows about sex, bodies and relationships. And your child can ask questions, which you can answer in honest and age-appropriate ways.

These open and honest conversations also help to lay the foundation for your child to have healthy, respectful, safe and enjoyable sexual experiences when they’re ready for them. And they send the message that your child can come to you for reliable, non-judgmental information about tricky topics like sexual behaviour.

You can use everyday moments or examples from TV shows, movies, books and media stories to get conversations started. Or you could go online together and talk about things you come across.

Handle inappropriate behaviour calmly

Kids will sometimes behave in ways that aren’t appropriate. If this happens with your child, it’s best to stay calm, suggest another activity, and remind your child about public and private behaviour. For example, you could remind them that touching their genitals is a private behaviour, which they should do in their bedroom or the bathroom.

What to do about harmful behaviour: advice for parents

Sometimes sexual behaviour in children aged 10-11 years isn’t what’s expected for their developmental stage. This behaviour is called harmful sexual behaviour.

What is harmful behaviour at 10-11 years?

Harmful sexual behaviour in children aged 10-11 years might include:

masturbating persistently even when you’ve tried to redirect them, masturbating in public or masturbating in ways that injure their genitals
repeatedly trying to watch others in private situations, like getting changed or going to the toilet
aggressively trying to touch other people’s genitals, bottoms or breasts
having relationships that involve mutual masturbation or oral sex with same-age or older peers
forcing other children to take part in sexual behaviour like oral sex and penetration
watching pornography frequently
taking photos of themselves naked or with their genitals exposed and sharing these photos with others.

Why does harmful behaviour happen at 10-11 years?

Children aged 10-11 years might behave in sexually harmful ways for many reasons. For example, it might happen because they:

have been exposed to pornography or adult sexual activity and are re-enacting what they’ve seen
are experiencing child sexual abuse or other forms of child abuse
find it hard to manage their emotions.

Children who have learning difficulties and disorders or difficulties with impulse control, social skills or rules can also be more vulnerable to engaging in harmful sexual behaviour.

Where parents can get help for harmful behaviour in children aged 10-11 years

If you’ve noticed your child engaging in harmful sexual behaviour, seek support and professional help.

A GP is a good place to start. They can refer you to an experienced health professional who can help you understand what’s happening and how to help your child.

You can also contact Kids Helpline or a child sexual safety helpline.

Harmful sexual behaviour in children can be upsetting. You can get support from health professionals, child sexual safety helplines and parent helplines.

More information for parents about sexual development

You can learn more about typical and harmful behaviour throughout childhood and adolescence in the following parent guides: