Sexual abuse in children and teenagers: recognising the signs
Children respond to sexual abuse in various ways.
Many things influence how children respond, including:
- children’s age and developmental stage
- the type and duration of the abuse
- children’s relationship to the person responsible
- children’s ability to process and express their emotions
- children’s previous experiences of trauma
- cultural beliefs, family dynamics and community attitudes.
Children might not always tell you that they’ve experienced sexual abuse. Instead, you might notice physical signs or changes in their behaviour or emotions. Some children might show only subtle signs, and others might not show any signs at all. Signs can also change over time as your child develops.
If your child or the child in your care shows one or more of the signs listed below, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve experienced sexual abuse. Your child’s behaviour can change for many reasons, but it’s important to consider all possibilities, including sexual abuse.
Remember that people who sexually abuse children are often family members or people that you and your child know.
All children have the right to grow up safe from abuse. Protecting children from sexual abuse is part of creating safe environments that help children grow and thrive.
Signs of sexual abuse in children
Changes in emotions
If your child has experienced sexual abuse, you might notice that your child:
- seems scared or shows signs of anxiety, early childhood depression, school-age depression or pre-teen depression
- is quieter or more distant than usual
- cries for no obvious reason
- starts to wet the bed or soil their pants
- asks questions like ‘Do people have to keep secrets?’
- is aggressive or seems angry for no obvious reason
- becomes unusually eager to please
- loses interest in activities they usually enjoy
- is clingy.
Changes in behaviour
You might notice that your child is:
- no longer interested in playing or avoids particular places or people
- behaving in sexual ways that aren’t appropriate for their developmental stage or age
- having difficulty falling or staying asleep, having nightmares, sleeping a lot, or wanting to sleep near others
- eating more or less than usual and is gaining or losing weight
- doing less well at school
- reluctant to look after their personal care and hygiene
- using language that is sexual or explicit
- behaving like a younger child.
Childhood sexual behaviour ranges from developmentally appropriate to harmful. You can find out more in our articles on childhood sexual behaviour: 0-3 years, childhood sexual behaviour 4-6 years, childhood sexual behaviour: 7-9 years and childhood sexual behaviour: 10-11 years.
Physical signs
You might notice that your child has:
- swelling, bruising, bleeding, redness or irritation in the genital area
- pain or discomfort when going to the toilet
- headaches or stomach aches with no obvious physical causes
- difficulty walking or sitting
- bruises on soft parts of their body, like buttocks or thighs
- repeated urinary tract infections
- symptoms of a sexually transmitted infection, like discharge from the penis or vagina.
If you suspect a child has experienced sexual abuse, report your concerns to the police on 000. You can also call the National Domestic Family and Sexual Violence Counselling Service for advice. Call 1800RESPECT or 1800 737 732.
Signs of sexual abuse in teenagers
Changes in emotions
If your child has experienced sexual abuse, you might notice that your child is:
- aggressive or seems angry for no apparent reason
- getting angry, upset or fearful when a particular person or place is mentioned
- having trouble developing or maintaining relationships
- crying for no obvious reason
- showing signs of low self-esteem
- showing signs of teenage depression or teenage anxiety
- confused about their sexual identity.
Changes in behaviour
You might notice that your child is:
- dressing differently
- wearing new clothing or shoes, or using bags, jewellery or electronics they can’t or won’t explain
- engaging in harmful sexual behaviour, including risky sexual activity
- taking increased risks, like using drugs and alcohol or engaging in dangerous activities or reckless behaviour
- engaging in self-harm
- spending a lot of time online and being secretive about their online activity and communications
- eating differently
- having difficulty falling or staying asleep, having nightmares, or sleeping too much.
Teenage sexual behaviour ranges from developmentally appropriate to harmful. You can find out more in our articles on teenage sexual behaviour: 12-14 years and teenage sexual behaviour: 15-17 years.
Changes in school and social life
You might notice that your child is:
- spending more time on their own than usual
- hanging out with different people
- avoiding particular people or places, like a friend’s house or a sports group
- avoiding activities or events that they previously enjoyed, or asks questions like ‘Do I have to go to music today?’
- doing less well at school.
Physical signs
You might notice your child has:
- swelling, bruising, bleeding, redness or irritation in the genital area
- pain or discomfort when going to the toilet
- difficulty walking or sitting
- has headaches or stomach aches with no obvious physical causes
- bruises on soft parts of their body, like buttocks or thighs
- repeated urinary tract infections
- symptoms of a sexually transmitted infection, like discharge from the penis or vagina
- signs of pregnancy.
Behaviour changes are typical during the teenage years. If you have a strong relationship with your teenage child, you can help your child through these changes. You’ll also be well placed to notice any concerning changes.