Why do teenagers take risks?

It’s natural for your pre-teen or teen to want new experiences.

This is because your child needs to explore their own limits and abilities, as well as the boundaries you set. Some young people love the ‘rush’ of thrills, risks and adventure. And most want to express strong personal values and a sense of themselves as individuals.

It’s all part of your child’s path to accepting responsibility, forming identity and becoming an independent young adult.

Also, your child might be more likely than an adult to make quick decisions without thinking through the consequences. This is because the parts of the teenage brain that handle planning and impulse control don’t completely mature until about age 25.

Your child might understand risk differently from adults too. This means they don’t see any real danger in what they’re doing.

And sometimes your child might do risky things to feel a sense of belonging to a group. They want to perform, impress, show off or do what they think is ‘normal’ for their group.

Risky behaviour: what to expect

Risky behaviour might include:

• unprotected sexual activity
• sexting and other risky uses of social media
• vaping, tobacco smoking and alcohol use including binge drinking
• illegal substance use
• dangerous driving
• illegal activities like trespassing, vandalism or carrying a weapon
• fighting
• truancy.

Teenage interest in new experiences and thrill-seeking can include positive risk-taking behaviour, like trying new tricks at the skate park. This risk-taking behaviour peaks at around 15-16 years and tends to tail off by early adulthood.

Encouraging safe risk-taking

Your child needs to take some risks to learn more about themselves and test out their abilities.

If your child is into thrill-seeking and risk-taking, you can try channelling this energy into safe and constructive activities, like rock-climbing, martial arts, canoeing or mountain biking. Or your child might find they love the ‘rush’ of performing in drama or creative arts.

Another strategy is to give your child autonomy and independence in some areas, so that they can test themselves and experiment without doing antisocial or illegal things. For example, you might not like it if your teenager chooses blue hair or dresses in ripped clothing, but these are healthy ways to experiment. For more information, read our article on shifting responsibility to your child.

How to keep your teen safe

Here are ideas to encourage your child to think about the consequences of risk-taking behaviour and stay safe. This can help you both negotiate this stage of their development.

Talk about behaviour and consequences

Talking about behaviour and consequences can help your child learn to work out how much risk is involved in different situations. But be careful it doesn’t come across as a lecture because this could encourage your child to rebel.

For example, you might say, ‘There are going to be times when it’s hard to say no to drugs. But you understand how bad they are for your health and other parts of your life. I know you can stay strong’.

Agree on rules

If you negotiate rules and consequences with your child, your child is more likely to follow the rules you agree on. You’ll need to be flexible and adapt the rules as your child grows and shows they’re ready for more responsibility.

Talk about values

If your child knows what’s important to your family, it will help them develop responsibility and personal values. You can back up family values by being a good role model in things like drinking alcohol responsibly, driving safely and treating other people respectfully.

Keep an eye on your child

Knowing who your child is with and where they are can help you protect your child. For example, when you negotiate rules with your child, a rule might be that your child lets you know where they’re going and phones or messages you if their plans change.

Stay connected to your child

If you stay connected and build a strong relationship with your child through the teenage years, they’re likely to do better at handling situations like pressure to use alcohol and other drugs, engage in vandalism or have unprotected sex.

Encourage a wide social network

You probably can’t stop your child from being friends with a particular person or group. But you can give them the chance to widen their social network through sport, church, community or family activities. And if you make all your child’s friends welcome in your home, it gives you a chance to get to know them. This can also give you a chance to get to know your child’s friend’s parents.

Help your child handle peer influence

If your child feels peer influence to do risky things, you could help them think of ways to opt out without losing credibility. For example, your child could tell their friends that smoking gives them asthma. Or they can’t stay out partying because they have a big game the next day and need to get some sleep.

Let your child know that they can call or message anytime they feel unsafe and you won’t be angry. Some families find that a ‘code’ – like an ‘x’ or a particular emoji – work wells. Your child sends the code and you call back with a ‘family emergency’ that means your child ‘needs’ to be picked up. It’s also great if there’s another trusted adult your child can contact with no questions asked.

When and how to get help to handle risky behaviour

Risk-taking is quite common in adolescence, and most teenagers won’t take it to the extreme.

If your child occasionally stays out past curfew, you might not worry too much. But if they regularly do things with dangerous consequences, consider seeking support. This might include things like using drugs, getting into fights, drinking or breaking the law.

Also seek help if you’re worried that your child’s behaviour is self-destructive or might be a sign of a deeper problem.

The best way to start is by asking your GP for a referral to a psychologist or other mental health professional.

If you’re finding it difficult to talk with your child about their risky behaviour, it might help to ask a relative or trusted family friend to raise the subject. Some teens find it hard to talk about sensitive issues like stress, mental health, sex and drug use with their parents, but they might be willing to talk to somebody else. You could also ask your child’s school counsellor for advice.

Many things influence pre-teen and teenage behaviour. It’s always a good idea to think about why your child is behaving in a particular way. When you understand the reasons for your child’s behaviour, you’re better able to choose an appropriate response.