Typical and healthy sexual behaviour in children and teenagers

Most sexual behaviour in children and teenagers is a typical and healthy part of development. For example, children often explore their own bodies and the bodies of other children by looking or touching. Teenagers might masturbate in private or be sexually active with someone of a similar age.

You don’t usually need to be concerned about this behaviour.

Problematic sexual behaviour in children and teenagers

Some sexual behaviour and sex play isn’t typical in childhood or adolescence and might be cause for concern.

If children or teenagers behave in the following ways often and keep doing these things even when you ask them to stop, it’s a good idea to seek professional advice. A GP or child and family health nurse is a good place to start. They can refer you to an appropriate health professional with experience in this area.

Toddlers
Problematic sexual behaviour in toddlers might include:

• continuing to touch their genitals even when someone has tried to get them to do something else
• inviting another child to engage in sexual activity or touching
• playing with dolls or other toys in a sexual way – for example, ‘humping’ a teddy bear
• touching the genitals of unfamiliar adults
• persistently peeping at other children or adults when they’re naked or going to the toilet.

Preschoolers
Problematic sexual behaviour in preschoolers might include:

• persistently touching or rubbing their genitals in public and not responding to distraction or attempts to get them to do something else
• persistently using coarse sexual language, even when they’ve been told not to
• persistently touching the genitals of other children or animals, even when someone has tried to get them to do something else
• trying to put an object into their own or someone else’s anus or vagina.

School-age
Problematic sexual behaviour in school-age children might include:

• persistently rubbing or touching their genitals in public, even when someone has tried to get them to do something else
• persistently flashing their genitals or bottoms to other children
• persistently using coarse sexual or explicit language
• wanting to play sexual games with much older or younger children
• forcing or tricking other children into playing sexual games
• repeatedly wanting to look at or touch the genitals of other children or adults.

Teenagers
Problematic sexual behaviour in teenagers might include:

• persistently rubbing or touching their genitals in public
• persistently flashing their genitals, breasts or bottoms to others
• using coarse sexual language to remark on other people’s bodies or criticise others
• accessing R18+ movies, games or websites with sexually explicit content
• stalking someone who doesn’t seem interested in them.

Harmful sexual behaviour in children and teenagers

Some sexual behaviour and sex play isn’t typical and might be a sign of something more serious.

The following kinds of childhood sexual behaviour are harmful and not OK.

A child behaving in these ways needs immediate professional help. Contact a GP or child and family health nurse immediately if you see your child or another child doing any of these things. The GP can refer you to an appropriate health professional with experience in this area.

Toddlers
Harmful sexual behaviour in toddlers might include:

• persistently touching or rubbing their genitals, which leads to them being left out of typical childhood activities
• masturbating in ways that injure their genitals
• simulating sexual activity with other children or animals, with or without clothes on
• persistently talking, playing or doing art with sexual themes
• forcing an object into their own or someone else’s anus, vagina or mouth.

Preschoolers
Harmful sexual behaviour in preschoolers might include:

• persistently touching or rubbing their genitals in private or public, refusing to be distracted from this activity, and not wanting to do other activities
• masturbating in ways that injure their genitals
• repeatedly touching or rubbing other children’s or adults’ genitals
• forcing or tricking other children into playing sexual games – for example, games that involve sexual penetration with objects, masturbation of other children, or mouthing of other children’s private parts
• persistently talking about sex and sexual activities and knowing more about sex than they should for their age
• simulating sexual activity with other children or animals, with or without clothes on.

School-age
Harmful sexual behaviour in school-age children might include:

• persistently touching or rubbing their genitals in private or public, refusing to be distracted from this activity, and not wanting to do other activities
• masturbating until they injure their genitals, or preferring to masturbate instead of doing other enjoyable activities
• persistently wanting to touch or rub other people’s genitals, even after being distracted by other activities
• forcing or coercing other children into playing sexual games
• persistently talking about sex and sexual activities and knowing more about sex than they should for their age
• isolating another child in a secluded spot like a cupboard, toilet, shed or bushes for the purpose of sexual play
• using online pornography daily or more often.

Teenagers
Harmful sexual behaviour in teenagers might include:

• fondling or touching other people’s genitals, breasts or bottoms without their consent
• forcing, tricking, coercing or threatening others to engage in sexual activities
• sending sexual threats or unwanted sexual images to other people
• having sexual contact with animals
• finding excuses to be alone with younger children
• using online pornography several times a day
• stalking someone after being warned not to
• showing sexual material to younger children
• possessing, accessing or sending child exploitation materials.

Children might behave in problematic or harmful sexual ways for many reasons. For example, they might be bored, find it hard to manage emotions, see sexually explicit material on the internet, or be experiencing child sexual abuse. Professional advice can help you understand what’s happening and what you can do about it.

Where to get help for problematic or harmful sexual behaviour

Many organisations can help if you’re concerned about a child’s sexual behaviour:

• Police: phone 000 if you’re worried about your safety or your child’s safety at any time.
• National Sexual Assault, Domestic Family Violence Counselling Service: phone 1800RESPECT or 1800 737 732 – 24 hours, 7 days a week.
• Australian Childhood Foundation: phone 1300 381 581.
• Kids Helpline: phone 1800 551 800 – 24 hours, 7 days a week.
• Lifeline: phone 131 114 – 24 hours, 7 days a week.
• Bravehearts: phone 1800 272 831 – 8.30 am-4.30 pm, Monday to Friday.

If you’re worried about your child’s sexual safety, you can also contact the child protection service in your state or territory.