What is bullying?
Bullying is when a person deliberately and repeatedly upsets, embarrasses, frightens, threatens or hurts another person.
Bullying happens face to face in schools, sports clubs, other extracurricular groups and workplaces.
Bullying also happens online. This is called cyberbullying.
Bullying is never OK.
What does bullying look like?
Bullying can be:
- teasing, saying mean things, threatening someone or calling someone names
- deliberately ignoring someone or leaving them out of games or activities
- playing nasty jokes or spreading rumours
- pushing, tripping or hitting someone
- taking or damaging someone’s things or demanding money
- encouraging others to behave in these ways or joining in with this behaviour.
If friends or peers disagree or even argue, or if someone says something mean once, it can be unpleasant and even nasty. But it isn’t bullying. Bullying is mean and hurtful behaviour that happens over and over again.
How does bullying affect children and teenagers?
Bullying can harm children and teenagers in many ways:
- Self-esteem – they might feel bad about who they are and lose confidence.
- Mental health – they might worry, feel stressed or begin to feel sad or depressed.
- Physical health – they might have trouble sleeping, lose their appetite or feel physically sick.
- Social life – they might withdraw from others, avoid social settings, or feel isolated, lonely or excluded.
- School progress – they might refuse to go to school, be less engaged with schoolwork or have less interest in school and extracurricular activities.
What are the signs of bullying in children 5-11 years?
Your child might tell you that they’re being bullied. For example, your child might say that other children are teasing them, making fun of them, putting them down, laughing at them, calling them names, ignoring them, physically hurting them or threatening them.
If your child doesn’t say anything but you’re worried, here are signs to look out for.
Physical signs
- Bruises, cuts and scratches
- Torn clothes
- Missing property
- Poor eating or sleeping
- Bedwetting
- Complaints about headaches or tummy aches
School problems
- Not wanting to go to school
- Not wanting to go on school trips
- Staying close to teachers during breaks
- Sitting alone
- Having difficulty asking or answering questions in class
- Having trouble with schoolwork or homework
- Not taking part in school activities
- Not talking about positive things that happen at school
Social changes
- Avoiding enjoyable social events like parties
- Not talking about doing fun things with friends anymore
- Being excluded at lunch and recess
- Losing contact with classmates after school
- Being chosen last for teams and games
Emotional and behavioural changes
- Unusual anxiety or nervousness
- Distress, unhappiness, low mood or teariness
- Anger
- Withdrawal or secretiveness
- Requests for money or extra lunch box treats
- Lack of enthusiasm for everyday activities
These signs might be more obvious whenever your child has to go where the bullying is happening. For example, if the bullying is happening at school, you might see these signs at the end of weekends or holidays.
What are the signs of bullying in teenagers 12-18 years?
Teenage bullying can be hard to spot.
It’s often less physical than bullying among younger children. Also, your child might try to hide it from you and others. Your child might feel ashamed and afraid or might not want you to worry. They might deny it if you ask them about it. Often teenagers just want bullying to go away.
But there are signs of teenage bullying that you can look out for. For example, these include problems at school or emotional, behavioural or physical signs.
School problems
- School refusal, excuses not to go to school, or wagging school
- Unhappiness or anxiety before or after school
- Statements like ‘I hate school’ or fear of school
- Poor performance at school
Emotional changes
- Signs of teen anxiety
- Distress, unhappiness or teariness
- Low mood
- Anger
Behavioural changes
- Increasing isolation from others
- Lack of confidence – for example, saying things like ‘I’m no good’
- Requests for money
- Unexpected outbursts – for example, shouting, ‘You don’t understand!’
- Alcohol or other drug use
Physical signs
- Trouble sleeping
- Unexplained physical injuries – for example, bruises or torn clothing
- Damaged or missing belongings
- Regular complaints about headaches or stomach aches
- Lack of self-care – for example, not showering or brushing their teeth regularly
If you see these signs in your child, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re being bullied. These could be signs of other issues, like childhood depression or pre-teen and teenage depression. But you should always take these signs seriously. If you’re concerned about your child, speak to your GP or another health professional.
What to do when you see signs of bullying in your child
Never leave a child or young person to sort out bullying on their own. It can hurt them a lot, in the short and long term.
Step 1: talk to your child
If you see signs of bullying in your child, the first step is to talk to them. This will help you understand what’s happening.
Step 2: talk to a teacher or other person in authority
Contact the adult in charge where the bullying is happening.
If it’s happening at school, get the help of your child’s teacher and school staff as quickly as possible.
Step 3: read these articles for more information
These articles will take you through the steps in detail:
What if your child is the one doing the bullying? It can be hard to understand and accept, but there are things you can do if your younger child is bullying others or your teenage child is bullying others.