Supporting kids & teens to recover after trauma: tips

How your child might react after a traumatic event

Your child might react in various ways to traumatic events. Some children and teenagers react more strongly than others. Some react straight away, whereas others react weeks or months after the event.

Behaviour

Your child might:

behave aggressively or disobey rules
resist being separated from you
have problems going to bed, settling to sleep or staying asleep
seem to have a lot of energy
seem to have low energy or lose interest in activities
be less playful or creative
not be able to do things they could do before, like using the toilet, getting dressed or organising homework
find it hard to concentrate and remember things at school and during other activities.

Emotions

Your child might feel:

confused or hesitant
worried or anxious
sad
excited
irritable or angry
guilty or ashamed.

Relationships

Your child might:

seem unusually quiet or withdrawn
avoid their friends and other people
be argumentative, self-centred, bossy or bullying.

Physical responses

Your child might have:

headaches
stomach aches
changes in appetite.

Over time and with support, most children cope and recover after traumatic events. But if your child is having ongoing difficulties or you’re worried that they have PTSD symptoms, it’s important to get professional help.

Supporting your child after traumatic events: tips for all ages

If your child has been through a traumatic event, these 3 things can help them recover:

talking and listening
familiar routines
careful handling of reminders of the event.

Talking and listening

Talking about the event with your child helps you understand how your child is feeling about it.

These tips can help:

Make time to talk about the event, or look out for times when your child wants to talk. This sends the message that helping your child feel better is important to you.
Be ready to answer your child’s questions. These questions let you check whether your child understands what’s going on. You can also correct misinformation or misunderstandings.
Use these conversations to reassure your child. For example, ‘Yes, the school is still open. All your friends are OK’ or ‘It can take a while to feel OK when things like this happen’.

Routines

Family routines can help your child feel safe and secure. That’s why they’re important after a traumatic event.

Here are ways to use routines to support your child:

Focus on regular healthy snacks and meals, time for exercise or play outside, and a good night’s sleep. This will help to keep your child’s mind and body healthy as they settle down.
Encourage your child to go to child care, playgroup, preschool or school, if this is possible. Let your child’s carers or teachers know what has happened so they can support and care for your child too.
When you feel your child is ready, encourage them to get back into things they previously enjoyed, like playing sport or visiting friends. Also look for new positive activities that your child might enjoy.

Reminders of the traumatic event

Your child might be frightened by reminders of the event and their experiences. Reminders include things like smoke, rain, smells, noise, running water and crowds.

Here’s how to handle reminders:

Explain what’s happening and let your child know that it’s OK to feel afraid.
Help your child understand and manage their emotions. For example, ‘You’re quiet today. Are you still thinking about the bushfire?’
Reassure your child that they’re safe now, if they are. For example, ‘You’re scared of the smoke because you think it’s coming from a bushfire. It’s smoke from the neighbour’s barbecue. You’re safe’.
If your child is older, talk about how reminders of the event might make them feel and how they can cope. For example, ‘Last Christmas was a tough time. How are you feeling this year? What can we do to make it fun?’

Tips to help toddlers and preschoolers recover after traumatic events

How your young child might feel or react after a traumatic event

Children aged 2-5 years might:

use a mixture of play, behaviour and words to express strong feelings
find it hard to separate from parents
seem to forget how to do things like using the toilet.

How to help your young child start feeling better

Help your child to name their feelings when you notice them. For example, ‘You look like you’re feeling sad. Tell me about it. It’s OK to feel sad’. When your child is settled, help them to move on to a fun game, story or song.
If your child is very quiet and withdrawn, use play to explore emotions. For example, ‘Is Teddy sad? Do you think a hug might help Teddy?’
If your child is having trouble separating from you, they might be worried about you or themselves. Or they might sense that you’re worried about being separated from them. Reassure your child that you’re both safe. You can also ask your child’s carers or teachers for help with managing separation.
If your child seems to have ‘forgotten’ how to do things like talking or using the toilet, remember that this is a common response. Once your child feels settled, they’ll regain these skills.
If habits like thumb-sucking or wetting the bed have come back, remember that this is also a common response. The habits will usually go away as your child recovers.

Tips to help kids aged 5-11 years recover after traumatic events

How your school-age child might feel or react after a traumatic event

Children of this age might:

spend a lot of time thinking about their safety, the safety of others and the future
feel responsible for the event or how the event has affected other people.

How to help your child understand and cope with their feelings and reactions

If your child doesn’t want to separate from you, reassure them that you’re all safe. You can ask your child’s teachers for help to manage separation.
If your child behaves in challenging ways, help them understand why and then find other ways to express feelings. For example, ‘You slammed that door very hard. I think you’re feeling angry. How about we kick the footy to get some of that anger out?’
If your child has headaches or stomach aches, help your child to care for themselves – for example, by having a glass of water and a rest. If any physical problems are intense or long lasting, talk to your child’s GP.
If your child blames themselves for what happened, encourage them to talk about their experience. Also talk through the facts with them. This can help them understand what happened and feel reassured that they weren’t responsible.
Encourage your child to think about the good things they and other people did to stay safe. This will help them to feel strong and empowered. For example, ‘That car accident was very upsetting. You did well to call 000’.
If your child keeps reliving the event through play or drawing, gently guide their games or drawing towards other things. For example, ‘You’re drawing a lot of pictures of our house being flooded. Many kids do that after a flood. Let’s draw a picture of a new house that’s protected from floods. What would that look like?’
Help your school-age child cope with media coverage by suggesting limits on what they hear or see. You can explain that it’s not helpful to keep watching distressing images. Also make sure your child gets accurate, age-appropriate information, plus opportunities to talk about it.

Tips to help teenagers recover after traumatic events

How your teen might feel or react after a traumatic event

Teenagers might:

have similar feelings and reactions to those of younger children
experience depression, anxiety or anger
get involved in risky behaviour like drinking alcohol
feel isolated from their peers and like they don’t fit in
worry about their parents and not seek help for themselves.

How to help your teen understand, cope and recover

If your child is blaming themselves for what happened, listen to their experience and talk through the facts with them. Reassure your child they weren’t responsible.
If you think your child is hiding their feelings, let them know that expressing feelings might make them easier to handle. For example, ‘I think most people feel down just now. That’s OK. These feelings will settle in time’.
Encourage your child to talk with trusted friends if this seems healthy. Sometimes your child might prefer to talk with friends than with you, which is OK.
If your child isn’t sure how to talk with their friends about the event, encourage them to practise. For example, they could say, ‘You’ve probably heard about what happened. It’s OK to talk about it’ or ‘I’d rather not talk about it right now’.
If your child is behaving disrespectfully or ignoring family rules, explore why they’re acting this way. For example, ‘I think you’re shouting at me because you’re angry. Let’s find a better way to express it. How about going for a run to get that anger out?’
If your child is having problems at school, talk with your child and consider speaking with their teachers about what has happened. Ask the school whether your child could see a school counsellor, have more time to finish assignments, or reduce their study load.
If your child is taking dangerous risks like drinking or taking drugs, talk to your GP. You could also ask a relative or trusted family friend to talk with your child.
If your child wants to rush into big decisions like leaving school, let your child know that it’s best to leave these decisions until life has calmed down.
Help your teenage child cope with media coverage by talking with them about it. You can explain that seeing constant coverage of the traumatic event might make them feel stressed or upset.

Worried about how your child is coping after a traumatic event?

Recovery can take time, but most children and teenagers cope and recover eventually. And you can get support for recovery, so that you and your child don’t have to do it alone.

If the traumatic event happened in your area – for example, a flood or a bushfire – child care centres, schools and local councils often offer extra support.

If you have any concerns about how your child is coping, talk with your child’s GP about seeing a psychologist, counsellor or other specialist support service.

It’s also good to check in with teachers and other adults in contact with your child to make sure your child is getting the understanding and support they need.

It’s important to look after yourself after trauma. This is good for your recovery and also for your child’s. If you’re having trouble coping, it’s important to seek help from your GP, another professional or a trusted friend. Call Lifeline on 131 114 (24 hours, 7 days) or contact a parenting helpline.