What to expect from children’s behaviour in the early school years (5-8 years)
Independence
School-age children often love to be independent, but they still need your love, attention and approval. Your child also needs limits to guide them as they grow and explore. These limits help your child feel both secure and ready for the new rules, routines and responsibilities that come with starting school.
New social and emotional skills
At this stage, children are developing and practising skills and abilities that help them meet new people, get along with others and make friends at school. These include:
- self-regulation and patience
- the ability to see other people’s points of view
- the ability to pay attention for longer
- a willingness to reason with you.
Your child will still need help with expressing emotions and behaving in positive ways, especially when they’re tired or in challenging social situations.
New fears
And your child’s growing understanding of the world around them might lead to some fears. For example, some children might be afraid of criticism, tests, failure, physical harm or threat, illness, and supernatural things like ghosts.
Starting school and how it affects children’s behaviour
Starting school is a big step, and children can feel anxious as well as excited. If you’re enthusiastic about your child starting school, this sends your child the positive message that school is exciting. It helps your child believe that they’ll cope and have fun.
School days can be long and tiring for children. This can lead to some grumpy behaviour when your child gets home. Planning for these times of day can help. For example, it’s often best to give your child time for a snack and quiet play before you get into after-school activities.
Sometimes children don’t want to talk about school when they get home. This might be because it’s hard for your child to sum up a big school day in words. But it’s important for your child to know that you’ll stop and listen when they’re ready to talk. You can also talk with your child’s teacher to find out what’s happening in your child’s school day.
How to encourage positive behaviour in children aged 5-8 years
A positive and constructive approach is the best way to encourage positive behaviour in your child.
This means giving your child positive attention plus praise and encouragement for behaviour that’s important in your family – for example, being cooperative, thinking of others and sticking to family rules.
School-age children still need help to understand, remember and practise this kind of behaviour.
Strategies to help with positive behaviour at 5-8 years
- Family rules – these are positive statements about how your family wants to look after and treat each other. For example, ‘We say please when we ask for something’. Learning about rules at home is good practice for sticking to new rules at school.
- Routines – these help families know who should do what, when, in what order and how often. For example, ‘We take turns setting the table for dinner each night’. If your child is used to a routine at home, it might help them settle into a routine at school.
- Clear and positive instructions – these tell your child what to do and can help your child do things well. For example, ‘Please put your lunch box in your backpack’. Following instructions at home can help your child with following instructions at school.
- Reminders – these can keep your child on track, especially if your child is distracted or forgetful. For example, start by saying, ‘We’re going soon’. Then remind your child by saying, ‘One more game of snap and then we’re going’.
- A problem-solving approach – this can help you and your child sort out conflicts and problems. It involves identifying and discussing the problem, and then brainstorming, agreeing on and trying out win-win solutions.
Should you use consequences for behaviour at this age?
There might be times when you choose to use a consequence to reinforce messages about positive behaviour. This might be when it hasn’t worked to remind your child of the rules or give a clear instruction.
You can tailor consequences to different situations, but consequences are always best when combined with a focus on positive behaviour.
Positive behaviour strategies work best when you’re spending warm and responsive time with your child, strengthening your family relationships with affection and communication, and tuning in to your child’s emotions. This is what children need to develop and learn, including to learn about positive behaviour.
What are typical behaviour concerns at 5-8 years?
Anxiety
Anxiety, worries and fears are a typical part of children’s development. For example, your school-age child might feel anxious about things like answering questions in class. You might notice that your child tries to avoid things that make them feel anxious. Or they might be more irritable at home, even if they seem OK in other places like school.
To help, you can:
- acknowledge your child’s feelings
- gently encourage your child to do things they’re anxious about
- praise your child when they do things they’re anxious about.
If anxiety is affecting your child’s life at home or school, see your GP for advice.
Bullying
If you think your child is experiencing bullying at school, you need to step in. You can help your child deal with bullying by:
- speaking to your child’s teacher as soon as possible
- getting the school involved in sorting it out
- giving your child plenty of love and support at home.
Cheating
Sometimes school-age children cheat on schoolwork or sport because they don’t know how to cope with the disappointment of losing. Or they cheat because a task is too hard for them. Occasional cheating is usually harmless, but if cheating becomes a pattern, you might need to talk with your child about rules and fairness.
Fighting
Disagreements and fighting among children are very common. When you handle fighting constructively and help children learn to work out their differences, it can be a great chance for them to practise the social skills they’ll need as adults.
Friendships
Your child will meet a lot of new children when they start school, and you can support new friendships. You can try:
- arranging playdates for your child
- organising extracurricular activities with children with similar interests.
Habits
Many children have habits – for example, biting their nails. Your child’s habits might bother you, but usually they’re nothing to worry about. Most habits go away by themselves.
Lying
Lying is part of school-age children’s development. Children aged 4-6 years usually lie a bit more than children of other ages. If this happens with your child, try to focus on the value of honesty and telling the truth.
School mornings
Your school-age child doesn’t understand time in the same way as an adult. This can make school mornings rushed. A school morning routine can help everyone get out the door ready to face the day in a positive way.
Swearing
It’s common for school-age children to try swearing. If swearing isn’t OK in your family, speak to your child about their choice of words, rather than ignoring your child’s behaviour. School-age children do understand that words can hurt or offend others.
Your child’s teacher might notice that your child has higher levels of activity or more difficulty concentrating than what’s expected for their age. If you or your child’s teacher are concerned, talking to your GP is a good place to start.
How you might feel about your school-age child’s behaviour
It’s natural to find your child’s behaviour challenging at times.
Calmly telling your child how you feel is a great strategy at these times. For example, ‘I’m getting upset because there’s so much noise, and I can’t talk on the phone’. When you start the sentence with ‘I’, it gives your child the chance to change things for your sake. Naming your feelings also helps your child learn words to describe and understand their own feelings.
If you’re often feeling angry or stressed about your child’s behaviour, there are things you can do to look after yourself and help yourself feel calmer:
It can also help to talk about your feelings with someone you trust, like your partner, a friend or your GP. Or you could call a parenting helpline in your state or territory.
Corporal punishment including smacking doesn’t teach children how to behave. It can hurt children and affect them in the longer term. It can also make children scared of you, which means it will be harder to encourage them to behave in positive ways.