Sexual development and sexual behaviour at 10-11 years
If you have a child with disability aged 10-11 years, the information in this article is for you.
It’s best read alongside our article on childhood sexual development and sexual behaviour at 10-11 years. There you can find information about sexual development, typical sexual behaviour and harmful sexual behaviour in children of all abilities.
About sexual development and behaviour in children with disability at 10-11 years
Sexual development starts at birth, and children with disability typically experience the same sexual development and sexual curiosity as all children. This includes physical changes like puberty, the attitudes and beliefs children develop about sex and sexuality, and their sexual behaviour.
Children with disability typically have the same sexual behaviour as children without disability. For example, at this age, children might touch their genitals, talk about sexual concepts with friends, and have relationships that include kissing.
At 10-11 years, children with disability might also express their sexuality in ways that are shaped by their own physical, emotional or cognitive development. Their sexual behaviour and expression might include:
- developing attachments or crushes, sometimes focusing intensely on one person
- using fantasy literature, media or role-playing games as a safe way to explore romantic or sexual themes
- looking for sexual vocabulary on their augmentative and alternative communication devices.
If you talk openly, honestly and inclusively about sex and sexuality with your child, covering all abilities, genders and sexual orientations, it sends the message that your child can come to you for honest and reliable information. These conversations can help your child make positive, safe and informed choices, now and in the future.
Responding to sexual behaviour in children with disability aged 10-11 years
You can use sexual behaviour as an opportunity to help your child learn. The key is listening, talking and answering questions openly, honestly and in a way your child can understand.
At this age, you could ask whether your child has any questions about sex, sexual affection, identity and relationships. Then you could talk with your child about appropriate behaviour for different situations and relationships. For example, you could say that behaving respectfully means making sure that other people consent to your child kissing or hugging them. You and your child could also read books or watch videos together about relationships, puberty, consent and personal safety.
If you’re wondering how to talk with your child about sexual behaviour and what to say, it’s good to think about the way your child communicates, as well as their level of learning, emotional development and physical development. For example, you could think about how well your child understands things like their own feelings about sex and sexuality, the effects of their actions on others, or the way their disability might affect sexual behaviour like masturbation.
You might need to adapt conversations to suit your child’s needs – for example, by using real-life examples, dolls or pictures.
Also, children’s books have age-appropriate concepts. So before talking to your child, you could try reading a book like You know, sex by Cory Silverberg and Fiona Smyth. This can give you a sense of how to explain sexuality and sexual behaviour to your child in a way they can understand.
Your child’s GP, occupational therapist or speech pathologist, or another professional working with your child, can help you with these conversations.
Autistic pre-teens might need extra support to understand sexual feelings, sexual cues and sexual relationships. You can read more in our articles on sexual development in autistic teenagers, romantic relationships for autistic teenagers, consent for autistic children and teenagers and problematic and harmful sexual behaviour in autistic children and teenagers.
Harmful sexual behaviour in children with disability aged 10-11 years
Sometimes sexual behaviour in children aged 10-11 years isn’t what’s expected for their developmental stage or isn’t socially or culturally appropriate.
And sometimes sexual behaviour in children at this age is harmful to themselves or others. Harmful sexual behaviour can range from concerning to serious and extreme.
Children with disability and children who have learning difficulties and disorders or difficulties with impulse control, social skills or rules can also be more vulnerable to engaging in harmful sexual behaviour. This might be because they:
- have difficulty with social skills
- have sensory sensitivities
- find it difficult to see other people’s perspectives or understand how their actions affect others
- find it difficult to understand boundaries and appropriate behaviour
- find it hard to manage their emotions
- have been exposed to pornography or adult sexual activity and are re-enacting what they’ve seen
- are experiencing child sexual abuse or other forms of child abuse.
Getting help for harmful sexual behaviour
If you’ve noticed your child with disability engaging in harmful sexual behaviour and they keep doing it even when you ask them to stop, it’s a good idea to seek professional help.
A GP is a good place to start. They can refer you to an experienced health professional who can help you understand what’s happening and how to help your child.
Harmful sexual behaviour in children can be distressing. You can get support by contacting helplines and specialist services.