Social interactions: autistic kids & teens

About social interactions and relationships for autistic children and teenagers

Some autistic children and teenagers enjoy socialising. They find it energising, have many friends and enjoy meeting new people.

Some autistic children and teenagers can feel confused, tired, stressed or overwhelmed by socialising. It can be challenging for them to interpret other people’s body language or tone of voice, understand what others are saying, and know how to respond. These autistic children and teenagers might prefer to spend time doing their own thing.

And some autistic children and teenagers sit somewhere in between. They might find it easy and enjoyable to make friends in small groups, with peers who have similar interests, or with neurodivergent peers. But socialising in larger groups or with neurotypical peers can be more difficult.

And like everyone, the way autistic children and teenagers feel about socialising can change depending on the context. They might find it more or less easy and enjoyable depending on things like how noisy or busy it is, what kind of day they’ve had and so on.

Autistic children and teenagers often communicate, express emotions and interact with others in ways that differ from non-autistic people – and this is OK. For example, they might not rely on spoken language, prefer not to use eye contact, or speak more directly.

Why social interactions and relationships are important for autistic children and teenagers

Social interactions or relationships are important for all children and teenagers, including autistic children and teenagers. These relationships can give children and teenagers a sense of belonging and wellbeing.

And even when autistic children and teenagers prefer their own company, they’ll still need to interact with other people as part of daily life. This includes school peers, teachers, shop assistants, doctors and so on.

This means that autistic children and teenagers might need extra support to interact with other people and build friendships.

Supporting social interactions and relationships for autistic children and teenagers: options

If your autistic child wants to build confidence for social interactions, you and your child could work on:

having conversations
understanding other people’s thoughts and feelings
taking part in group or one-on-one activities with other children
asking for help or a break from socialising
solving social problems
coping with unexpected social situations
preparing for new social situations.

Not all children and teenagers will want or need to develop skills in all these areas, so work on what your child wants or needs. And as your child gets older, they might need to focus on different skills to manage more complex social relationships.

You can support your child’s social relationships by helping family, friends and your child’s friends learn how to communicate effectively with your child. This can build mutual respect and understanding between your child and important people in their life. It can also build a network of people your child can trust, feel safe with and have fun with. It can help your child feel they belong.

Conversations

Your autistic child will need to have conversations in many situations – for example, with friends, shop assistants, teachers or GPs. Learning how to have conversations takes time and practice for all children.

Here are ways to help your child develop conversation skills:

Practise during play. For example, you could use toys or puppets to have pretend conversations about funny, interesting or even silly things.
Use role play to practise new social situations. For example, your child could practise saying, ‘Hello, my name is Louis. I have a dog. Do you have a pet?’

Other people’s thoughts and feelings

Learning to recognise and respond to people’s feelings can strengthen your autistic child’s relationships. Everyday interactions can be a great way for your child to do this.

Here are ideas:

Point out and label emotions. ‘Body clues’ can help with this. For example, ‘Look – Sally’s smiling. She’s happy’.
Talk about characters’ thoughts, feelings, facial expressions and body language when you’re watching TV or reading books. The movies Inside Out and Inside Out 2 can be great conversation starters.

Sarcasm and jokes can sometimes make thoughts and feelings hard to recognise. You might need to explain these things to your child. For example, if someone says, ‘Everyone loves homework’ when the teacher gives an extra assignment, explain that the person is joking or being sarcastic. They’re saying the opposite of what they mean. It’s also OK for your child to ask whether someone is joking.

Activities with other children

Playing with other children gives your autistic child opportunities to learn and practise social skills like sharing, taking turns, communicating, and imagining what other people are thinking and feeling.

Here are ways to help your child develop these skills:

Practise turn-taking and back-and-forth interactions when you’re playing with your child.
Arrange playdates if your child likes them. You can start with one other child and plan activities that your child enjoys.
Give your child the chance to enjoy their special interests alongside other children their age – for example, at Lego, chess or coding clubs, sport, or music lessons.

Help or a break from socialising

Sometimes your autistic child might need help or a break from socialising. This starts with recognising when they’re feeling uncomfortable or overwhelmed in social situations.

You could help your child describe how their body feels when they’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed or approaching a meltdown. For example, they might have a racing heartbeat, churning stomach or difficulty breathing.

When your child notices these feelings, they could tell their friend or teacher that they need a break. If your child uses non-verbal communication, they could use a ‘break’ or ‘help’ card.

Social stories can also help your child learn when and how to ask for help.

Social problems

Problem-solving skills can help your autistic child handle social problems like disagreements with friends.

You can help your child develop these skills by incorporating small challenges into daily life. For example:

Play games that involve taking turns, sticking to rules and managing disappointment, like Uno or Jenga. Games that match your child’s developmental level and interests are best.
Talk about how your child’s favourite TV or book character solves social problems.
Create a ‘problem jar’. Write challenging scenarios on pieces of paper and put them in the jar. Your child can pick a scenario, and you can brainstorm solutions together.

Unexpected social situations

Resilience can help your child cope when things don’t go as they expected – for example, when they have problems with friends or peers.

Here are ways to help your child build resilience:

Create a safe, nurturing and predictable physical environment.
Practise coping skills with your child in advance – for example, breathing exercises or muscle relaxation techniques.
Plan what to do when your child feels confused or upset.
Reassure your child that challenges are part of life and help us learn.

New social situations

If your autistic child can learn to feel comfortable in new social situations, it can help them develop their social relationships.

Here are ideas:

Arrange social outings – choose places and activities that are comfortable, fun and interesting for your child.
Be patient and kind when your child is having a hard time navigating a social situation.
Reassure your child if they’re feeling nervous or uncertain.
Accept your child’s differences, like their communication style or their need to stim.
Make sure your child can take a break somewhere quiet or with fewer social demands.
Help your child find young autistic role models who post about their social experiences online.

You can get advice on supporting your child’s social interactions from an occupational therapist or psychologist. If your child is getting support through the NDIS or has an NDIS plan, you might be able to get funding for this support.