Resilience in autistic children & teens

What is resilience?

Resilience is the ability to ‘bounce back’ during or after difficult times and get back to feeling as good as before.

It’s also the ability to adapt to difficult situations that can’t be changed. In fact, resilience can help children learn from difficult situations and keep on thriving.

Children might be better at showing resilience in some situations than others. Their resilience can go up and down at different times. It can get ‘used up’ in challenging situations or by the end of a difficult day. Children’s resilience can also be affected by their environment.

Why is resilience important for autistic children and teens?

Autistic teenagers and children face everyday challenges like disappointing test results or sporting losses, problems with friends or peers, changes in routine, loud noises, uncomfortable clothes and unfamiliar teachers. They can also face serious challenges like bullying and mental health difficulties like depression and anxiety.

Autistic children need resilience to manage and learn from these challenges.

How can you help your autistic child build resilience?

All children can build resilience.

You can help your autistic child to build resilience by creating an environment that supports resilience.

You can also help your child learn skills for resilience, including:

emotional regulation skills
helpful thinking skills
problem-solving skills
skills for social interactions
organisational skills.

Environments that support resilience

A safe, nurturing and predictable physical environment can reduce your autistic child’s stress levels, help them to stay calm, and make it easier for them to manage challenges and show resilience.

At home

Here are ways that you can create a calming environment for your child:

Paint your child’s room in colours they find soothing.
Ensure the lighting in your child’s room is comfortable for them.
Give your child noise-cancelling headphones or ear buds, and avoid sounds that upset your child.
Display visual schedules of your child’s day somewhere your child can see them.

At school

Here are ways that staff can create a calming classroom and school environment:

Reduce the number of pictures on classroom walls.
Give your child a designated seat, so they can sit in the same spot every day.
Make a safe place for your child to go if they feel overwhelmed.
Reduce lighting and use natural light.

Adjustments like these can help your child to learn, socialise and participate more comfortably at school. And when your child can do this, they’ll be better able to show resilience.

Emotional regulation skills

When your autistic child experiences strong emotions and can calm down, they learn that strong emotions don’t last forever and they’ll be OK soon. This means that recognising and managing emotions is an important part of resilience.

Ideas for helping your child recognise emotions

Point out and label your child’s emotions. For example, ‘You’re smiling. You might be feeling happy’.
Talk about how your child’s body feels when they’re feeling an emotion. For example, ‘You look nervous. Do you have a funny feeling in your tummy?’
Point out the signs that your child is feeling overwhelmed. For example, ‘Are you having trouble breathing? You might be feeling overwhelmed’.

If your child can recognise and manage feelings of being overwhelmed, it’s particularly good for their resilience.

Strategies that can help your child when they feel overwhelmed or have other strong emotions include doing physical, enjoyable or relaxing activities. It’s good to talk about and practise these strategies with your child when they’re calm. Read more about helping autistic children and teenagers recognise, understand and manage emotions.

Helpful thinking habits

Helpful thinking habits are good for resilience because they give your autistic child alternative perspectives on challenging things in their life.

Examples of helpful thinking habits

Your child might have had a poor exam result. Here are examples of helpful thinking habits they could use in this situation.

Be realistic. For example, ‘One poor exam result doesn’t mean I’ll fail the whole subject’.
Look on the bright side. For example, ‘The exam result shows me where I need help with my learning’.
Expect things to go well. For example, ‘If I get help and work hard, I can do better in the next exam’.
Move forward, even when things seem bad. For example, ‘The exam result won’t stop me from playing footy on the weekend’.

Problem-solving skills

When children have skills to solve everyday problems, they’re more empowered to deal with difficult situations and get through challenging times. You can help your child to develop these skills by introducing small problem-solving activities to your child’s day.

Activities to build problem-solving skills

Do jigsaw puzzles with your child. You can choose jigsaws that are appropriate to your child’s level of development and that suit their interests.
Give your child a ‘problem jar’. Fill the jar with scenarios written on pieces of paper. Your child chooses a scenario, and you and your child brainstorm potential solutions.
Encourage your child to put their problems into words if you notice they’re getting frustrated or struggling.

You’re a role model for your child. Let your child see you using skills like helpful thinking, self-compassion and problem-solving. When you use these coping skills and look after yourself, it can help to create a calm, low-stress family environment too.

Skills for social interactions

Social skills are an important building block for resilience for all children. That’s because these skills help children develop friendships and school relationships that can support them in tough times.

For autistic children, it’s important to work on skills for social interactions that feel natural and allow them to be themselves.

If your child is younger, play is a great way to learn and practise early skills like turn-taking, sharing and seeing things from other people’s points of view. For example, you can practise taking turns while you’re kicking a ball or doing a puzzle together.

If your child is older or in their teens, social and recreational activities and groups can be good opportunities to practise skills like working out what other people are thinking, understanding facial expressions and having conversations. These activities can also help your child make friends through shared interests and structured activities.

Organisational skills

Organisational skills include goal-setting, planning and being self-disciplined, hard-working and resourceful. These skills build resilience because they help autistic children feel confident, capable and prepared.

Strategies to build organisational skills

Identify your child’s specific strengths.
Set goals that use your child strengths.
Plan how to achieve these goals.

For example, your child might enjoy singing or music. You and your child could come up with a list of goals that use this interest. The goals might include things like joining the school band, writing a song, starting their own band and so on. A plan to achieve these goals might include things like talking to the school band or choir conductor, or advertising for bandmates.

Ideas for helping your child feel capable

Make your child responsible for household chores like setting the table, loading the dishwasher, feeding pets and so on.
Encourage your child to take on a leadership role at school.
Look into volunteering or a part-time job for your child.

Confidence comes from feeling accepted, worthwhile and valued. Warm and loving relationships in your family lay the foundation for this. You and your child could also do practical activities like creating an ‘All about me’ book, which includes pictures of things your child likes, pictures of friends, words to describe themselves and their strengths, and things about their hobbies and achievements.