Why friendships are important for children and teenagers
Friendships are important for all children and teenagers. This is because they:
- give children and teenagers a sense of belonging
- help children and teenagers develop socially and emotionally
- boost confidence and help children and teenagers feel understood
- help children and teenagers learn to manage emotions and understand other people’s feelings
- let children and teenagers practise skills like negotiating, cooperating and problem-solving
- reduce feelings of loneliness and stress.
Autism and friendships
Some autistic children and teenagers are happy with one friend or a small group of friends. Other autistic children and teenagers enjoy being a part of larger groups.
Autistic children and teenagers often need support to understand and learn skills for making and keeping friends. These skills might include:
- starting and having conversations
- working out what other people are thinking and feeling
- taking part in activities with other children
- understanding facial expressions and body language
- adjusting to new social situations
- solving social problems, like how to sort out disagreements
- finding and meeting people with similar interests.
Autistic children and teenagers can find it tiring to be around friends and peers, even when they’re having a good time. This might sometimes be because your child is masking to fit in with neurotypical friends and peers. After these experiences, your child might need quiet time, time alone, or time with family and friends who encourage them to be themselves.
Making friends: helping autistic children and teenagers
You can give your autistic child opportunities to meet new people and make friends. Here are ideas.
Identify your child’s interests and strengths
When you know what your child enjoys and is good at, you can help your child meet children who enjoy similar things. This could be through a playgroup, a special interest club at school, or an after-school class.
Use resources in your community
Enrolling your child in playgroups or after-school activities can promote friendships. You could try activities that are related to your child’s interests, like chess, Lego or computer coding clubs. Structured groups often work well for autistic children and teenagers – for example, Girl Guides, Scouts, art or music classes, or martial arts.
Invite potential friends to your home or on outings
You could ask your child whether there’s someone in their playgroup, preschool or school class, or after-school group that they’d like to be friends with. Or ask your child’s teacher or group leader which children are showing interest in your child or which children have similar interests.
Some children and teenagers feel more comfortable at home, but others might not want someone else to touch their favourite things. If this sounds like your child, you could put away the things that your child doesn’t like sharing. Or you could organise something out of the house. This could be a trip to the playground for younger children or to a museum or aquarium for teenagers.
Plan activities
It can help to plan things that your child might like to do with others. You can plan these activities with your child if that works.
For younger children, try activities and games that encourage cooperative play. If your child finds cooperative play stressful, they could try side-by-side activities instead, like Lego, painting, playdough or cookie decorating.
For teenagers, try outdoor activities like tennis or indoor activities like baking or playing a video game. If your child and their friend share an interest, they could do something related to that.
Some children do better with structured activities that don’t involve open-ended, imaginative play.
Social media
Teenagers might enjoy connecting online with other autistic and neurodivergent teenagers. Online spaces often provide more structure for interactions and reduce some communication pressures. For example, there’s less need to interpret body language or tone of voice online.
Educating peers
You and other adults like your child’s teachers can help your child develop supportive friendships by helping other children learn about how autistic children think and communicate differently. You could share our article on neurodiversity with other parents.