Playing with others: why it’s important for autistic children
Autistic children enjoy and learn through play. Play is important for children’s overall wellbeing and development.
Through playing with other children, your autistic child can learn and practise skills like sharing, taking turns, communicating, and imagining what other people are thinking and feeling.
These skills help autistic children relate to and connect with others, which lays the foundation for early friendships. These friendships are important for children’s confidence, self-worth and sense of belonging.
Playing with you is key to your child’s development too. When you play with your child, you help your child develop skills, including play skills. And playing with your child is also one of the best ways to tune in to your child and build your relationship.
Stages of social play
The ability to play with others, or social play, develops in stages:
- playing alone
- playing alongside others
- playing and sharing with others
- playing cooperatively with others.
You can support your autistic child by noticing which stage of social play your child is at and by giving your child opportunities and encouragement to develop their skills while also accepting their play interests and preferences.
While children are developing their ability to play with others, they’re likely to still want to spend time playing by themselves. It’s OK if your child wants to play alone some of the time.
Playing alone
In this stage of play, children play alone and independently. They don’t try to get close to other children and are often happy focusing on their own activity. They might not pay much attention to what others are doing.
One way of encouraging your autistic child’s solitary play skills is by starting with structured play activities. And it’s a good idea to keep play activities short to start with, so your child can finish them quickly and feel successful. Simple jigsaw puzzles can be good for this stage of play.
You could also try exploratory or sensory play like finger painting, sand play, play with musical instruments, or craft activities.
Playing alongside others
Children at this stage of play start to play alongside other children. They might use the same toys or do a similar activity to the children around them. For example, your child and another child might do their own drawings or build their own Lego houses next to each other rather than together.
You can promote play in this stage by encouraging your autistic child to do their own activity alongside other children.
Playing alongside others is also called ‘parallel play’.
Playing and sharing with others
In this stage of play, children start to interact with other children. They learn how to give, take and share play materials.
You can help your autistic child develop their ability to play and share with others by encouraging them to swap or share things while playing. For example, you could encourage your child to swap paintbrushes with the child next to them or share ingredients when they’re baking.
Playing cooperatively with others
Playing cooperatively with others includes playing games with rules, making up rules, and working together on something, like building a cubbyhouse or making a sandcastle.
Autistic children might need support to understand the social rules of cooperative play. You can help your autistic child by using clear instructions to simplify the rules of games. For example, ‘First you hide somewhere in the house. Then Sam counts to 10. Then Sam comes to find you. When Sam finds you, it’s your turn to count while Sam hides’.
Structured play can help autistic children feel more comfortable when they’re playing cooperatively. This could be games that have rules and a clear ending, like charades or a guess the animal game.
You can use your child’s thinking and learning strengths when you’re helping them with social play. For example, if your child is a visual learner, you could take pictures of the steps in a game or activity. Or your child might prefer to learn the rules of a game using a social story. Making games more visual can help too. For example, the person who’s ‘it’ could wear a special hat.
Helping autistic children learn about and enjoy playing with others: tips
Here are tips to get your autistic child interacting and playing with others:
- Choose simple games like peekaboo, pat-a-cake, snap and memory for young children. These games can promote sharing and taking turns, but they’re also structured with clear end points.
- Organise playdates or visits with friends or family whose children are around the same age as your child or have similar interests. You could also ask your child’s siblings or cousins to help with showing your child how to play games, take turns and so on.
- Teach your child how to join in. Again, siblings, cousins and friends might be able to show your child how it’s done. For example, your child could say ‘Hello, can I play with you?’ or ‘Do you want to play with the trains?’
- If your child finds it hard to join in with others, watch carefully to work out why. Does your child need help with some of their play or other skills? You could speak to your child’s preschool or school teacher or therapists if you’re not sure.
Using social play to help autistic children build other skills
Playing with others involves many kinds of skills, so it’s a great chance for your autistic child to practise these skills. Here are ways you can help with this:
- Talk about what’s going on. This can help your child learn words. For example, if you’re playing a pretend game like a tea party, name objects like cups, spoons and plates.
- Expand on what your child says. This can help your child learn to build longer sentences. If your child is using single words, you could try using 2 words. If your child is using 3-word sentences, you can use 4 words, and so on.
- Help your child respond appropriately to challenging situations that come up in social play. For example, you could use a tea party game to help your child practise sharing food and taking turns to pour drinks with the jug.