Video transcript
Sandra (mother of 2 children with autism): Having a child, and then subsequently two children diagnosed with such a severe disability puts an enormous strain on your relationship.
David (father of 2 children with autism): It’s important to talk to your partner, and to understand their point of view, because they may be, um... looking to deal with what is a very emotional issue in a very different way to the way you’re looking to deal with it. When you’re in a partnership with someone, um... then you also need to have a bit of a joint understanding and a joint front.
Korrine (mother of 2 children with autism): We’ve had dinner once by ourselves in three years. I think there’s time where you feel like the world is caving in on you, and that it’s just... it couldn’t get any worse. I’m pretty much trapped in the house 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And it’s really hard to convey that to someone that gets to go off to work, and... to me it’s become a benefit that he gets to go off to work, you know, lucky him. But it’s not lucky him, he’s going off and he’s working, and he’s coming home and still... he’s then gotta help with things.
Carl (father of 2 children with autism): It can be very stressful, at times you know, you work a 12-hour day you come home and your partner’s had enough. She wants a break and you’ve gotta deal with it.
Sandra: When Kingsley was diagnosed, we actually... it brought us closer together, we were united in sort of, trying to find out what’s wrong with him, and to get him help. Subsequently, though, Indie, was diagnosed, and I think something just went off the rails there. We basically were so individually hurt, that I don’t think we had anything left to give each other. We stopped talking, and I would say that we just lived our own lives under the one roof. Eventually, when the hurt and the pain started to recede we were able to reach out to each other again because I guess the core of our relationship is that we really care about each other, and... you know, we have a lot of fun together, and we laugh together. And I guess the thought of either of us having to do this on our own is enough to race us into each other’s arms anyway. Yeah, I don’t know how I’d do it without David and I assume that’s what he thinks about me as well.
Alison (mother of 3 children, 1 with autism): We really compromised a lot, he took over a lot of the other kids when... when he was home.
Elena (mother of 3 children, 2 with autism): A lot of people don’t realise with autistic kids, that they often don’t sleep very well. We never really had a full night’s sleep for about the first five years of having the children, so then you’re running on half steam.
Tracey (mother of 2 children, 1 with autism): I don’t know exactly what it’s like to be a single mum, but I sort of feel like a single mum a bit. I don’t have family support and my husband was away all the time. His job actually has taken him overseas a lot of the time. I find it hard because you have to do everything. And as far as Jack’s concerned, with his dad leaving all the time, that was a big anxiety thing for him as well, with dad coming and going, and we’ve put in place, like, we use a calendar with visuals, and we count down the days, and I do social stories about his dad going, and a lot of that’s really helped.
David: One of the things about autism is that it automatically... it all of a sudden gives you a whole stack of extra stuff to do. If one of the partnership takes on what they feel is a larger load than the other, then that will breed a lot of resentment. It’s important for you, and it’s also important for your children too, to have that really strong bond with the family that comes from a very strong relationship.