Strong families: what they are, how they work

What makes a family strong?

Strong families generally have a few things in common:

warm, caring and positive relationships
good communication
a predictable family environment
connections to other people outside the family.

Why is family important for children’s development?

Strong families give children a safe, secure place to be themselves and learn about who they are.

Children in strong families feel secure and loved, so they have confidence to explore their world, try new things and learn. They can deal better with challenges and setbacks because they know they have family support. Strong families can help children build resilience.

Warm, caring and positive family relationships

Being warm, caring and affectionate with your child helps to build strong family relationships.

Positive attention is also important for building strong family relationships. It builds connection and shows your child that you’re available when they need you.

Tips for building warm, caring and positive family relationships

Tell your child how much you love them, and look for opportunities to tell them you’re proud of them.
Smile and look into your child’s eyes when you talk to them.
Show physical affection when you can. For example, give your child hugs or high fives.
Praise and encourage the people in your family when they do something well. For example, ‘Ben, you worked hard on that science homework – well done’.
Show gratitude when the people in your family do kind things for others. For example, ‘Yanee, thanks for helping to unpack the dishwasher this morning’.
Create opportunities for quality time with your child. Quality time can happen while you’re doing ordinary things together, or you can make it part of your family routine.

Did you know that children from warm, caring and affectionate families get along better with other children and teachers? They’re also less likely to have conflict with others.

Good family communication

Strong families communicate well about both good and bad things. They celebrate together when times are good and talk about problems when times are tough. This creates a safe place for children to share feelings like embarrassment, confusion or shame. And it strengthens family members’ relationships with each other.

Tips to encourage good communication in your family

Encourage family members to talk to each other – and listen so everyone gets a chance to express their thoughts and feelings.
Help your child learn words to express their thoughts and feelings, so they know how to ask for what they need or want in appropriate ways.
Listen and respond in a sensitive way to all kinds of things – not just nice things or good news, but also feelings like anger, embarrassment, sadness or fear. You don’t always have to solve problems or give advice.
Learn how to negotiate when there’s a problem, so that you can find a solution that everyone accepts.
Use nonverbal communication like smiles, eye contact and physical affection to strengthen your relationships.
Have family meals together as often as possible, at the table with the TV, tablets and phones switched off. This is a time when you can share what’s happening in your lives.

Children learn about good communication from the way you talk to them and others. This includes watching how you manage conflict or solve problems with others. When your child sees you sorting out problems calmly and respectfully, you help them develop important skills for life.

Predictable family environments

A predictable, organised family environment can help children feel safe, secure and cared for. In this kind of environment, children know what to expect each day – and what’s expected of them too.

Predictability in family life is especially good when children are going through challenges, developmental changes or uncertainty. For example, if your child is settling into a new school, your family’s evening routine at home might be very comforting.

Tips for creating a safe and predictable family environment

Create a family routine so that everyone knows what to expect – who should do what, when, in what order and how often. A family routine can also help you to make time for enjoyable family activities or one-on-one time with children.
Emphasise your family values – for example, love, respect, acceptance, support for each other, and so on. Family traditions and family rules are good ways to make sure everyone knows what’s important to your family.

Routines can be good for children with additional needs. For example, if your child needs to take medicine or needs support to get through their homework, a routine for this will make it easier. Read more about routines for children with disability or autistic children and routines for children with ADHD.

Connections to people outside the family

Being connected to other people who care about them is important for children. Valuable connections include your extended family, friends, neighbourhood and community.

Connections help children develop a strong sense of themselves and give them a sense of belonging to their extended family and their community. Connections also help children learn how to get along with others and build social skills.

Extended family, friends and people in the community can also support your family when times are tough – for example, if there’s a death.

Tips for connecting your family to others

Invite extended family and friends to share family occasions like birthdays.
If grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins live far away, encourage your child to talk to them on the phone, write letters or emails, or make video calls.
Invite grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins or family friends to school or sporting events that are important to your child – for example, an awards ceremony or performance.
Get involved in a local community group, sports club or volunteering activity. This gives your child the chance to get to know new people and see community members working together.

Being connected to friends, family and community is also important for parents. A support network of trusted adults can be a big practical help – for example, when you need someone to pick up your child from school. Your network can give you emotional support too – for example, when you’re feeling overwhelmed or you want advice.

Looking after yourself

Looking after yourself physically, mentally and emotionally is good for you and gives you more energy to build a strong family.

You can look after yourself by getting enough rest, doing some physical activity and eating a healthy diet. It’s also important to make time for yourself, your relationship with your partner, if you have one, and your friendships.