Families with autistic children and teenagers: support from family and friends
Your extended family – aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents – and friends can be key parts of your informal support network. Support from family and friends is good for you, your child and the rest of your family.
The best way to build this support network is to help family and friends learn about what autism means for your child and your family. This is especially important in the early days after diagnosis.
Here are ways you can do this:
- Give family and friends basic information about autism.
- Acknowledge feelings and questions from family and friends, especially if people are having trouble understanding the diagnosis and what it means.
- Let family and friends know what autism means for your child and their behaviour. For example, your child sometimes gets overwhelmed and needs quiet time on their own.
- Suggest how family and friends can connect with your child. You could let people know about your child’s likes and dislikes, strengths and preferred communication style.
- Organise extended family get-togethers and activities that suit your child’s needs and abilities.
- As your autistic child grows and develops, help family and friends understand how your child’s and your family’s needs have changed.
Handling the responses of extended family and friends to an autism diagnosis
Extended family and friends might respond in various ways to your autistic child’s diagnosis and behaviour. Some might be ready to support you and your child straight away. Others might take a bit longer to understand how they can help.
Some family and friends might find it hard to support you. Or they might respond in ways that aren’t helpful. If you find yourself in this situation, there are a few things you can do:
- Make sure you’re ready with some basic information about autism and what it means for your child. Unhelpful reactions usually happen because people aren’t sure how to respond, don’t understand or feel uncomfortable.
- Help family and friends see your child’s strengths and what your child brings to your life.
- Let your family and friends know how they can be helpful and supportive. Give them examples of what has helped in the past and what would help now. For example, it might help if your friend plays with your child while you make dinner.
- Focus on your relationships with supportive people. This means you’ll get the emotional and practical support you need.
- Give it time. Generally, things will get better as people understand more about your situation.
To help extended family and friends help you, it’s good to let people know what you need. This might be cooking you a meal every now and then, taking you out for coffee, babysitting or just listening when you need to talk.
Grandparents and autistic children: a special relationship
When a child gets an autism diagnosis, the effects on grandparents are likely to be similar to those on parents.
Some grandparents might be surprised or confused at first. They might also feel worried for the whole family. For example, they might worry about their grandchild’s future, the demands on the child’s parents, or the wellbeing of other children in the family.
Many grandparents also show great resilience, unconditional love and support for their families.
How grandparents can help
Just like strong relationships with parents, strong relationships with grandparents are good for children’s development. They give children a sense of belonging and help children build self-identity.
When grandparents live close by, they might also be able to help with:
- providing social and emotional support – for example, by spending special time with their grandchild
- caring for their grandchild sometimes
- looking after siblings or doing household tasks
- advocating in the community or being a source of information about autistic children.
When grandparents live far away, your child can still feel connected to them by:
- having video calls on the weekends or at other special times, like bedtime
- drawing them pictures or making crafts and sending these in the mail
- having special items or toys that remind them of their grandparents.
Some families might not have the support of grandparents. Instead, they might ‘adopt’ a special friend or have people in their lives who take on the role of grandparents.
When grandparents have concerns
Grandparents of an autistic child can sometimes have concerns about their grandchild’s diagnosis or how they can help.
If your child’s grandparents talk to one of your child’s health professionals, it could help them understand your child’s diagnosis. And going to a therapy session with you could help them learn how to use the same strategies when your child is with them.
If your child’s grandparents have worries and concerns, it’s great if you can talk about them together. An open, constructive approach can help your whole family have happier, healthier and stronger relationships.