2-3 years: toddler development

Toddler development at 2-3 years: what’s happening

Feelings
This is one of the most important ages for emotional development.

Your toddler is going through lots of emotions while also learning about other people’s feelings. Temper tantrums are normal, because children often don’t know how to put words to ‘big’ emotions like frustration, anger, embarrassment, guilt and shame.

Your toddler is also starting to understand how their behaviour affects you and how your behaviour affects them. Your toddler won’t have as much separation anxiety, and they might not get so upset when you leave them.

Talking
Around two years, toddlers might be able to use sentences of 2-3 words and say ‘I’, ‘you’ and ‘me’. Your toddler will learn and use lots of words and be easier to understand when talking.

At three years, toddlers can usually use sentences of 3-5 words, or even more. Your toddler will start learning how to take turns when speaking, and might be able to have a short conversation with you.

Your toddler is learning how to talk about things that have happened during the day. With your help, your toddler might be able to put things in order to make a simple story – for example, ‘I go shop’. ‘And what did you do at the shop?’ ‘Buy milk.’ By three years, your toddler might be able to tell a simple ‘made-up’ story based on their own experiences, but it will probably be quite short.

At this age your toddler will also talk about people and objects that aren’t with them – for example, ‘Grandma at the shops’, or ‘My ball in tree’.

Thinking
Everything toddlers have learned so far have developed their thinking.

Your toddler is starting to understand concepts like time and opposites – for example, big/small and day/night. Your toddler will also start to point to body parts based on what they do, sort objects, and match shapes and colours. And your toddler is starting to remember what some things look like – for example, apples look red and round.

Your toddler solves problems by trying things out.

Playing and learning
Play is important because it’s how children learn.

Your toddler will enjoy playing with others, playing dress-ups, having tea parties, painting with their fingers or a brush, and playing ‘rough and tumble’. When your toddler plays with you or other children, you might find that your child is getting better at taking turns.

Telling stories, singing and reading are also fun things for your child to do at this age.

Everyday skills
Around this time, children are keen to do more things for themselves.

For example, your toddler can probably wash their own hands, wash themselves at bathtime, feed themselves and get dressed – although your toddler is probably better at taking clothes off than putting them on! And your toddler is still learning so you might still need to help.

You can build your toddler’s confidence in doing things independently by letting them help you around the house with chores like sweeping or dusting. Your toddler will feel very proud when they’re a good helper.

Your toddler might even be ready to start toilet training. Some of the signs are if your toddler:

can do most things that you ask without your help
is interested in watching others go to the toilet – this can be awkward or make you uncomfortable at first, but it’s a good way to introduce things
lets you know when they do a poo or wee in their nappy
can follow simple instructions like ‘Give the ball to Daddy’.

Watch and see whether your toddler is ready for toilet training – but try not to push it. Going to the toilet is one of the hardest things for your child to learn because it uses so many skills. For example, your toddler must know when they need to do a wee or a poo, understand that they should do wees and poos in the toilet, be able to walk and climb onto the potty or toilet, and pull clothes up and down.

If you start toilet training too early, it might take your toddler a while to learn.

Moving
At this age, children can run and will probably fall less. Your toddler is starting to walk up and down stairs on their own, but will sometimes use the rail for balance. Your toddler is now better at throwing overarm, kicking and catching a ball, and might even stand on one foot for a few seconds.

If you’re around while your toddler explores, they’ll feel reassured and safe. This helps your toddler to build confidence to try new things and explore on their own.

With your toddler so active, it’s a good idea to look at how you can make your home safe.

At this age, your toddler might also:

jump on the spot
ride a tricycle
recognise objects and name them
use one foot and then the other foot when walking up stairs.

Helping toddler development at 2-3 years

Here are some simple things you can do to help toddler development at this age:

Give your toddler the chance to play with others: play is a great way for your toddler to make friends and learn how to be with other children. But don’t expect sharing and taking turns just yet – toddlers still think that everything belongs to them.
Encourage everyday skills like using a spoon and putting on shoes. These skills involve both small and big muscle movements, as well as your toddler’s ability to think about what they’re doing.
Talk with your toddler: naming and talking about everyday things – body parts, toys and household items like spoons or chairs – helps develop your toddler’s language skills. At this age, you can teach your child that a ‘chair’ can be a ‘big chair’, ‘red chair’ or even a ‘big red chair’.
Give meaning to your child’s talking by listening and talking back to them. If your toddler says ‘Mama milk’, you might reply by saying ‘You want Mum to get you some milk?’ This also makes your toddler feel valued and loved.
Read to your toddler: you can encourage your child’s talking and imagination by reading together, telling stories, singing songs and reciting nursery rhymes.
Do some cooking with your child: this helps your toddler to get interested in healthy food, learn some new words, and start to become familiar with maths concepts like ‘half’, ‘1 teaspoon’ or ‘30 minutes’. You can give your toddler simple cooking activities, like tossing a salad or putting together sandwiches.

When your toddler learns a new skill, celebrate the achievement with lots of praise and positive attention. It’s also a good idea to help and encourage your toddler to keep doing the things they’ve learned, even if those things are difficult.

Parenting toddlers at 2-3 years

As a parent, you’re always learning. It’s OK to feel confident about what you know. And it’s also OK to admit you don’t know something and ask questions or get help.

When you’re focused on looking after a child, you might forget or run out of time to look after yourself. But looking after yourself physically, mentally and emotionally will help your child grow and thrive.

Sometimes you might feel frustrated, upset or overwhelmed. It’s OK to take some time out until you feel calmer. Put your toddler in a safe place, or ask someone else to look after your toddler for a while. Try going to another room to breathe deeply, or call a family member or friend to talk things through.

Never shake a toddler. It can cause bleeding inside the brain and likely permanent brain damage.

It’s OK to ask for help. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the demands of caring for your toddler, call your local Parentline. You might also like to try our ideas for dealing with anger, anxiety and stress.

When to be concerned about toddler development at 2 years

See your child and family health nurse or GP if you have any concerns or notice that your two-year-old has any of the following issues.

Seeing, hearing and communicating
Your child:

has trouble seeing or hearing things
isn’t using two words together – for example, ‘Red car’.

Behaviour and play
Your child:

can’t follow simple instructions – for example, ‘Please give me the ball’
doesn’t copy actions or words – for example, when singing ‘Heads, shoulders, knees and toes’
doesn’t pretend during play – for example, doesn’t pretend to feed a doll
isn’t showing feelings
doesn’t come to you for affection or comfort.

Movement and motor skills
Your child:

can’t walk up and down stairs, even if holding on to you or a rail
can’t run
finds it hard to handle small objects – for example, a crayon
isn’t scribbling or trying to draw.

When to be concerned about toddler development at 3 years

See your child and family health nurse or GP if you notice your three-year-old has any of the following issues.

Seeing, hearing and communicating
Your child:

doesn’t look you in the eye
has trouble seeing or hearing things
isn’t using three-word sentences
is often hard to understand when talking to you, family or friends.

Behaviour and play
Your child:

doesn’t understand simple instructions – for example, ‘Please give me the ball’
isn’t interested in other children
finds it difficult to separate from their primary caregiver
doesn’t pretend during play – for example, doesn’t pretend to play ‘shopping’ or ‘riding on the bus’.

Movement and motor skills
Your child:

can’t run
isn’t scribbling or drawing
finds it hard to handle small objects – for example, a pencil or crayon.

You should see a child health professional if your child loses skills.

You should also see your child and family health nurse or GP if you or your partner experiences the signs of postnatal depression in women or postnatal depression in men. Symptoms of postnatal depression include feeling sad and crying for no obvious reason, feeling irritable, having difficulty coping and feeling very anxious.

Children grow and develop at different speeds. If you’re worried about whether your child’s development is ‘normal’, it might help to know that ‘normal’ varies a lot. But if you still feel that something isn’t quite right, see your child and family health nurse or GP.