What are toddlers doing at 2-3 years?

Feeling

This is one of the most important ages for emotional development.

Your toddler is going through many emotions while also learning about other people’s feelings. Tantrums are common, because your toddler can’t always communicate their needs. They often don’t know how to put words to strong emotions like frustration, anger, embarrassment, guilt and shame.

Your toddler is also starting to understand how their behaviour affects you and how your behaviour affects them. Your toddler might not get so upset when you leave them in a familiar place. But they’ll still want a lot of your attention and might cling to you when they’re tired or frightened – or just want a cuddle.

Thinking

Everything toddlers have learned so far has developed their thinking. Your toddler is starting to:

  • understand concepts like time and opposites – for example, big/small and day/night
  • point to body parts based on what they do, sort objects, and match shapes and colours
  • recognise objects and name them
  • remember what some things look like – for example, apples look red and round
  • solve problems by trying things out.

Playing and learning

Play is important because it’s how children learn.

Your toddler enjoys playing with others, playing dress-ups, having tea parties, painting with their fingers or a brush, and playing ‘rough and tumble’. When they play with you or other children, you might find that your toddler is getting better at taking turns.

Telling stories, singing and reading are also fun things for your toddler to do at this age.

Talking and understanding

Toddlers usually understand more words than they can say.

Around 2 years, your toddler:

  • might be able to use sentences of 2-3 words and say ‘I’, ‘you’ and ‘me’
  • is learning and using a lot of words
  • might be easier to understand when talking.

At 3 years, your toddler:

  • can probably use sentences of 3-5 words or even more
  • might start taking turns when speaking
  • might be able to have a short conversation with you.

Your toddler is learning how to talk about things that have happened during the day. With your help, they might be able to put things in order to make a simple story. For example, ‘I go shop’. ‘And what did you do at the shop?’ ‘Buy milk.’ By 3 years, your toddler might be able to tell a simple, made-up story based on their own experiences, but they’ll probably leave out a lot of detail.

At this age your toddler will also talk about people and objects that aren’t with them – for example, ‘Grandma at the shops’ or ‘My ball in tree’.

Expressing and exploring gender

Your child is probably beginning to express their gender through the way they talk about themselves and the clothes they choose. They’re probably also able to recognise other people’s gender.

Moving

At this age, your toddler:

  • can run and will probably fall less
  • is starting to walk up and down stairs on their own, putting both feet on each stair and using the rail or wall for balance
  • will start using one foot and then the other foot to walk up and down the stairs
  • can probably kick a ball and might even stand on one foot for a few seconds
  • is getting better at throwing overarm and catching, probably using their preferred hand
  • can jump on the spot and might be keen to ride a tricycle
  • can probably use switches, knobs or buttons.

If you’re around while your toddler explores, they’ll feel reassured and safe. This helps your toddler build confidence to try new things and explore on their own.

Building everyday skills

Around this time, toddlers are keen to do more things for themselves. But they’re still learning, so you’ll probably need to help.

For example, your toddler can probably:

  • wash their own hands
  • wash themselves at bathtime
  • feed themselves and get dressed – although your toddler is probably better at taking clothes off than putting them on!

You can build your toddler’s confidence and independence by letting them help you around the house with chores like sweeping or dusting. Your toddler feels very proud when they’re a good helper.

Your toddler might even be ready to start toilet training.

Your child’s brain develops connections faster in the first 5 years than at any other time in their life. Stimulating and caring environments with plenty of different activities help to build these connections and lay the foundations for learning, health and behaviour throughout life.

How can you help your toddler grow and develop between 2 and 3 years?

Encourage play with others

Play with others is a great way for your toddler to learn how to be with other children, make friends and develop social skills like sharing and taking turns. But your toddler still needs supervision and help with sharing and problem-solving.

Get out and about

Outdoor play lets your toddler explore the world and test out their growing physical skills. When you’re outside, remember to be safe in the sun, safe around water and safe around dogs and other pets.

Have a chat

Talking with your toddler about everyday things – what you’re doing, where things are and what things are used for – develops your toddler’s language skills. At this age, you can help your toddler learn that a ‘chair’ can be a ‘big chair’, a ‘red chair’ or even a ‘big red chair.

You can give meaning to your toddler’s talking by listening and talking back to them. If your toddler says, ‘Mama milk’, you might reply, ‘You want Mum to get you some milk?’ This also makes your toddler feel valued and loved.

Read

You can encourage your toddler’s talking and imagination by reading together, telling stories, singing songs and reciting nursery rhymes. These activities also help your toddler learn to read as they get older. This is also a great age to start visiting your local library.

Make time to move

Daily physical activity strengthens your toddler’s muscles and bones. It’s also good for their confidence, as they discover that they can climb higher, run faster and jump further all the time. As your toddler tests their physical limits, keep checking that your home is safe.

Work on skills

Encourage everyday skills like using a spoon and putting on shoes. These skills involve both small and big muscle movements, as well as your toddler’s ability to think about what they’re doing.

You could also try cooking with your toddler. This helps your toddler to get interested in healthy food, learn some new words, and start to become familiar with maths concepts like ‘half’, ‘1 teaspoon’ or ‘30 minutes’. You can give your toddler simple cooking activities, like tossing a salad or putting together sandwiches.

Be your child’s cheerleader

As your toddler learns new things, celebrate their achievements with praise and positive attention. This will help them feel good and encourage them to keep using their skills, even when it’s difficult.

When toddlers behave in positive ways, it’s good for their learning, development, health and wellbeing. Behaviour tips and strategies can help.

How to parent a toddler and look after yourself

As a parent, you’re always learning. It’s OK to feel confident about what you know. And it’s OK to admit you don’t know something and ask questions or get help.

It’s also important to look after yourself. Looking after yourself physically, mentally and emotionally is good for you, and it’s good for your toddler. When you’re well, you can give your toddler the loving attention they need to grow and thrive.

Part of looking after yourself is asking for help, especially if you’re feeling stressed, anxious or angry. There are many people who can support you and your toddler, including your partner, friends, relatives, child and family health nurse and GP. It’s a good idea to have a list of these people with their contact details. Put the list on your fridge, so it’s easy to find if you need it.

Never shake, hit or verbally abuse a toddler. If you feel like you can’t cope or you might hurt your child, gently put them somewhere safe. Take deep breaths to calm down. Get support by talking to a family member or friend or by calling a parenting helpline or Lifeline on 131 114.

When to be concerned about toddler development at 2 years

You know your toddler best. So it’s a good idea to see your child and family health nurse or GP if you have any concerns or notice that your 2-year-old has any of the following issues.

Seeing, hearing and communicating

Your toddler:

  • has trouble seeing or hearing things
  • isn’t putting 2 or more words together – for example, ‘Red car’ or ‘Me go too’
  • can’t follow simple instructions – for example, ‘Get your shoes, please’.

Behaviour and play

Your toddler:

  • doesn’t copy actions or words – for example, when singing ‘Heads, shoulders, knees and toes’
  • doesn’t pretend during play – for example, doesn’t pretend to feed a doll
  • isn’t showing their feelings
  • doesn’t come to you for affection or comfort.

Movement

Your toddler:

  • can’t walk up and down stairs, even if they’re holding on to you or a rail
  • can’t run
  • finds it hard to handle small objects – for example, a pencil or crayon
  • isn’t scribbling or trying to draw.

When to be concerned about toddler development at 3 years

It’s a good idea to see your child and family health nurse or GP if you notice your 3-year-old has any of the following issues.

Seeing, hearing and communicating

Your toddler:

  • doesn’t look you in the eye
  • has trouble seeing or hearing things
  • isn’t using 3-word sentences
  • doesn’t understand 2-part instructions – for example, ‘Get your shoes, and put them in the box’
  • is often hard to understand when talking to you, family or friends.

Behaviour and play

Your toddler:

  • isn’t interested in other children
  • finds it difficult to separate from their primary caregiver
  • doesn’t pretend during play – for example, doesn’t pretend to play ‘shopping’ or ‘riding on the bus’.

Movement

Your toddler:

  • is clumsy – for example, trips over a lot when walking or running
  • sways from side to side when walking or running
  • isn’t scribbling or drawing simple shapes
  • finds it hard to handle small objects – for example, a pencil or crayon.

See a child health professional if you notice that your toddler has lost skills they once had.

Also see your nurse or GP if you have signs of postnatal anxiety, postnatal depression in birthing mothers or postnatal depression in non-birthing parents. With help and support, you can manage symptoms, feel better sooner, and give your child what they need to develop well.

Development happens in a similar order in most children, but skills might develop at different ages or times. If you’re wondering whether your toddler’s development is on track, or if you feel that something isn’t quite right, it’s best to get help early. See your child and family health nurse or GP.

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