When do toddlers start making friends?

The start of friendship happens at 1-2 years. This is when toddlers become more interested in playing with other children. At this age, they might play with whoever is around them, but they can also start wanting to play more with particular children.

Who do toddlers make friends with?

Many of your toddler’s playmates will be the children of people you know – for example, friends, family or parents you meet at playgroup.

As your toddler gets older and starts to talk more, they’ll probably start telling you who they like playing with. They might even start asking for playdates. Or they might show you who they like playing with. For example, they might watch, smile at, move closer to or offer toys to a child they like playing with.

Toddlers vary in how social they are. Some are naturally more sociable and can manage more playmates, whereas others are more comfortable with fewer playmates.

How to prepare your toddler for friendship

To be a good friend, your toddler needs friendship skills like sharing, taking turns, cooperating and solving problems. These skills take time and practice to develop.

You can help your toddler start learning and practising these skills by spending time playing together. Through play, you can show your child how to be a good friend and play well with others.

Tips to help your toddler learn to be a good friend

• Take turns to add blocks to a tower or to kick a ball. Prompt your toddler by saying, ‘My turn’ and ‘Your turn’.
• Model sharing. For example, you might give your toddler a piece of your playdough and say, ‘Let’s share my playdough – some for you and some for me’. When your toddler has played with you like this for a while, you could ask them to share some of their playdough.
• Use toys like teddies or dolls to ask for turns, share toys and look after their teddy friends. Your toddler will watch this fun game and copy what they see – sometimes, at least!
• While you’re taking turns, sharing or playing toy-sharing games, comment on how happy you feel when everyone gets a turn or gets to share.

When your toddler takes turns or shares something, give your child plenty of praise. For example, ‘Nice sharing’ or ‘Thank you for sharing with me’.

Playdates: how they can help with toddler friendships

Playdates give your toddler a chance to play with other children. And the more your child plays with other children, the more your child can learn and practise friendship skills.

How to set up a successful playdate for toddlers

• Ask your toddler whether there are any special toys they want to put away before friends come over. Or you can put away your toddler’s favourite toys yourself and help them choose toys and games they’re happy to share.
• Set up games where your toddler and their friends can play side by side but don’t have to take turns. Turn-taking games can often end in tears, but toddlers usually do well playing in a sandpit, building with blocks, throwing balls, or playing with dolls and cars.
• Try to have plenty of toys for toddlers to play with so they’re not competing for one thing.

How to help toddlers get along during a playdate

• Keep playdates short to start with – say, 45 minutes to an hour. This means you can finish the playdate while it’s going well, rather than waiting until one or both children get tired, cranky and teary. Your toddler will remember the playdate as something good and will want to do it again.
• Sit with your toddler and their friends for a while when they start playing. Wait until they’re playing happily together before you step away.
• Stay within eyesight so you can step in quickly if play gets rough or there are squabbles over toys. Being able to see you will also help your toddler feel safe and comfortable in this new situation.

Children with disability might need support to learn skills for making friends. The professionals working with your child might be able to suggest strategies for developing your child’s skills. You can also read more about play and friendship for children with disability.

What to do if things go wrong on toddler playdates

Young children can get frustrated quickly and often don’t have the words to express how they feel. This can lead to them being aggressive towards a friend when things aren’t going their way.

Distraction

If you sense things are getting tense, you could distract the children by saying something like, ‘Let’s play with these trucks. James, you can have the blue one. Sam, you have the red one’. Then step away so they can go on with their play.

Clear instructions

If your toddler behaves aggressively, you can firmly tell them to stop and then tell them exactly what you want them to do.

For example, ‘Stop! Hitting hurts. We don’t hit people. Spades are for digging’. This will help your toddler learn that being aggressive isn’t the right way to play.

Reassurance

Very young children might not understand that another child who’s playing with their toys isn’t going to take the toys home. It can help if you reassure your toddler that the toys are still theirs and will stay at home with them.

If your toddler has a lot of trouble playing with other children or their play is very different from the way other children play, it might help to talk with your child and family health nurse, GP or paediatrician.