Why is sharing important for children?

Sharing is important for children because it’s a key part of getting along with others.

Sharing helps children:

• make and keep friends
• play cooperatively
• take turns
• negotiate
• compromise with others
• treat others fairly
• cope with disappointment.

Sharing becomes more important as children get older and start having playdates and going to child care, preschool or kindergarten.

Toddler sharing: what to expect at 1-3 years

Your 2-year-old might share some of the time. But sharing can be hard for toddlers.

Sometimes this is because toddlers just don’t understand sharing. For example, if another child has something your child wants, your toddler might not understand why they have to wait for it. They might try to take the toy they want or have a tantrum if they can’t have it.

And sometimes sharing can be hard because toddlers just don’t want to give up something that’s very important to them.

Key things to know

• Your toddler is only just starting to learn how to manage emotions like frustration.
• It’s unrealistic to expect your toddler to share consistently.
• To learn to share, your toddler needs plenty of guidance and encouragement from you, plus opportunities to practice.
• Consequences for not sharing probably won’t help your toddler learn to share.

Preschooler sharing: what to expect at 3-5 years

At this age, many children are developing a stronger understanding of sharing, turn-taking and fairness.

For example, your preschooler will probably understand that sharing equally is the ‘fair’ thing to do, but they still might not want to share if it involves giving up something. Your preschooler might also be impatient when waiting their turn.

Key things to know

• Your preschooler is still learning about emotions – their own and other people’s – so sharing might still be an effort for them.
• You can build your preschooler’s sharing skills by explaining about sharing, encouraging fairness and praising these things when you see them.
• Activities that involve sharing can help – for example, choosing dress-ups together or drawing a big picture together using the same packet of crayons.

School-age sharing: what to expect at 5-8 years

By the time most children start school, they’re beginning to understand that other people have feelings too. They’re better at negotiating and managing disappointment. Children are also more patient and tolerant at this age. This means they’re more likely to share.

Key things to know

• Sharing can still be a challenge when your child is very excited or upset.
• Your child might have a strong sense of fairness and not want to share a toy or a game if they think they won’t get a fair go. Reassurance from you can help with this.
• Your child will be keen to do the right thing and can form more complex friendships, which helps with the idea of sharing.
• Your child will  practise sharing at school – for example, sharing paints in art or playing games together at recess or lunch.

How to help your child learn to share

Children learn a lot from just watching what their parents do. When you model good sharing and turn-taking in your family, it gives your child a great example to follow.

Tips to help your child learn about and practise sharing

• Talk about why sharing is good for your child and others. For example, ‘When you share your toys with your friend, everyone gets to have fun. You might get to share your friend’s toys too’.
• Point out good sharing in others. For example, ‘Your friend was sharing her ball really well. That was very kind of her’.
• When you see your child trying to share or take turns, give your child plenty of praise and attention. For example, ‘I liked the way you offered Aziz some of your strawberries. Great sharing!’
• Play games with your child that involve sharing and turn-taking. Talk your child through the steps. For example, ‘Now it’s my turn to play a card, and then it’s your turn’ or ‘You share the red blocks with me, and I’ll share the green blocks with you’.
• Prepare for playdates by talking about sharing. For example, ‘Georgia is coming to play. Let's think about which toys you’d be happy to play with together’. Talk about sharing before your child starts child care or preschool.

Although it’s important to share, it’s OK for children to have some toys that they keep just for themselves. It’s a good idea to put away these special toys when other children come to play at your house. This can help you avoid problems with sharing. It also shows your child that you understand some things are precious to them.

What to do if sharing is a challenge for your child

Stay nearby when your child plays with other children

This means you can encourage your child to share. And when your child does share, you can say exactly what your child did well and how proud you are.

Use everyday play as practice opportunities

Everyday play with siblings, friends or other children gives children opportunities to practise sharing and turn-taking. For example, you can remind your child at the start of a playdate that sharing is a good thing to do with friends. Then you can help your child and their friend decide what toys they could share.

Help children find a fair solution

If children are having trouble sharing something, start by helping them notice what’s happening. For example, ‘You both want the truck. You're still playing with it, and Luca is waiting. What could we do?’

Then help them work out what to do. Depending on their age, you might suggest taking turns, using a timer, finding another toy or deciding together when the next turn will start.

If the disagreement is escalating, you could put the toy aside while everyone calms down. Then you can help the children try again when they’re calm.