What is teenage family violence?

Teenage or adolescent family violence is when a child or young person harms, threatens or abuses a parent, sibling or other family member. It includes:

• verbal abuse
• emotional abuse
• physical abuse
• sexual abuse and sexual assault
• intimidation and coercion
• destruction of property
• demands for money
• threats of harm.

If your family is experiencing teenage family violence, it can affect your safety and wellbeing. It can also affect your teenage child’s development and wellbeing, now and in the future. If your teen is using violence, it’s important to take it seriously and get support. Early support can help your child stop using violence.

When disrespect becomes abusive or violent behaviour

It’s common for young people to behave disrespectfully. This is often part of growth and development in adolescence. It’s also natural and healthy for there to be disagreements between parents and teenagers.

But sometimes disrespectful behaviour and disagreements tip over into abusive or violent behaviour that affects family safety and wellbeing. This is when teenage behaviour becomes cause for concern.

Concerning behaviour includes the following.

Verbal or emotional abuse

• Insulting family members or calling them names
• Putting family members down
• Threatening to hurt family members or threatening to damage family members’ property

You might be very concerned if this kind of abuse is happening a lot or getting worse.

Physical violence or property damage

• Hitting, pushing, punching or strangling a family member
• Damaging property
• Breaking items of special importance to other family members

Behaviour that affects your family’s daily life, relationships or feelings of safety

• Intimidating body language
• Other behaviour that makes you or another family member feel frightened or threatened

How to get professional help for your teen

If your child uses violence in your home, they need support from professionals.

It’s best to look for professionals who have expertise and specialised training in addressing teenage family violence. These professionals can assess your child’s behaviour and experiences. They can develop a treatment or support plan to address the behaviour. They can also look for ways to support your whole family, including ways to improve family relationships and communication.

If you’re not sure where to get support, start by seeing your GP. They can refer your child to:

• a specialised counselling, child and family support or youth service
• a psychologist
• another professional like a psychiatrist, social worker or counsellor.

You could also call a parenting helpline. Or you can contact the National Domestic Family and Sexual Violence Counselling Service by calling 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732), texting 0458 737 732, using online chat or video calling.

It can be a good idea to talk to the GP or other health professional on your own at first. When you’ve identified support options for your child, you could talk with your child about them if you feel safe to do so.

When you speak to your GP or another professional, it’s important to give them as much information as you can. The more the professional knows about your child’s behaviour, your child’s life and your family situation, the easier it will be for the professional to identify the right support for your child and family. This support might involve you and your family as well as your child.

Encouraging your teen to accept professional help

Some teenagers will be open to talking about support for their violent behaviour. Other teenagers might be reluctant to discuss or acknowledge the issue or see a professional.

If your child is reluctant, here are ways to encourage them to see a professional:

• Explain why you think seeing someone might be a good idea. For example, you could say that you know things have been challenging lately and a professional could help them figure out what’s going.
• Give your child information about services and how they can help.
• Explain that the health professional or support service won’t judge your child or tell them what to do but will help them find solutions to problems.
• Explain that seeing a professional isn’t a punishment and that you’re not suggesting this because you’re angry. You just want to help and make sure everyone feels safe.
• Explain that you’ll help your child to make an appointment or will make one for them, but that you expect them to go to it.
• Explain that you’re going to seek help yourself about your family’s situation.
• Ask a trusted family member or friend to talk with your child about it.

It’s important not to trick your child into seeing a professional – for example, by telling your child you’re taking them to the GP when you’re actually taking them to see a psychologist about their violent behaviour. This can damage the trust between you and your child.

Getting support for your teen’s other needs

Teenagers who use violence often also have other support needs. For example, some teens who use violence need support because they have:

• present or past experiences of family violence
• present or past experiences of physical or sexual abuse
• present or past experiences of other forms of trauma
• mental health problems like an anxiety disorder or depression
• forms of neurodivergence like autism and ADHD
• disorders like oppositional defiant disorder or conduct disorder
• learning difficulties or disorders
• problems with alcohol or other drug use
• difficulty with self-regulation, emotional regulation or conflict management.

Supportive and close family relationships help your teen feel safe. These relationships can also protect them from risky behaviour like alcohol and other drug use and problems like depression. You can build your relationship and stay connected with your teen through everyday interactions and planned time together.