How to teach your child conversation skills

What are conversation skills for kids?

Conversation skills are about being able to talk and listen well.

This involves:

starting conversations – for example, by saying ‘Hello’ or asking a question
getting attention in a respectful way – for example, by saying ‘Excuse me’
knowing what to talk about
taking turns talking and listening
speaking respectfully
recognising when someone else wants to speak.

Why are conversation skills important for kids?

Conversation skills are important for children’s development and wellbeing. When children can have conversations, they can:

be listened to
ask for what they need
make friends
develop positive relationships with others.

How to teach conversation skills to your child

To help your child learn good conversation skills, you can:

model the conversation skills you think are important
give your child opportunities to practise conversations as well as prompts and guidance
manage any interruptions and encourage your child to wait their turn to talk.

Modelling conversation skills for your child

Your child learns a lot about conversations from talking and listening with you and watching your conversations with others.

This means you can help your child develop good conversation skills by modelling those skills when you’re talking with your child, your partner, and other adults and children.

Tips for modelling conversation skills

Smile, make eye contact (if this is comfortable for you and your child) and use friendly greetings. For example, say ‘Good morning’ to your family, ‘Welcome’ to visitors and ‘How are you?’ to people in the community.
Talk with your partner in positive ways, and handle conflict constructively.
Use body language and tone of voice to show interest and attention when you talk to others.
If someone wants to talk with you and you’re using your phone, put it down or let them know you’ll be with them in a moment. This way you can give the other person your full attention.

Conversation practice, prompts and guidance for your child

Learning how to talk with and listen to other people takes time and practice. Some children pick this up quickly, and others might need support from you.

Practice

Have practice conversations with your child so you can take turns asking questions and listening to answers.
Rehearse things your child could say when they’re going to a social event. For example, ‘Hello Nola. Would you like to play on the swing with me?’
Suggest or brainstorm things your child could say when they meet someone new. For example, ‘Hello. My name is Veronica. I have a dog at my house. Do you have a pet?’

Prompts

Prompt your child. For example, ‘Please say thank you to Grandma for taking you to the park’.
Use clear and gentle reminders when you need to. For example, ‘Rani, please turn towards me when you’re speaking to me’.
Suggest how your child could begin a conversation about someone else’s interests. For example, ‘Uncle Zak just bought a new car. He’d like it if you asked him about his car today’.

Guidance

Make family rules about respectful speaking and conversation. Discuss these with your child so they understand what’s expected.
Explain what to do. For example, ‘Sarah, if I’m speaking to someone you need to say “Excuse me”, and then wait until I’m ready to listen’.
Praise your child when they’re communicating well. This will make them want to keep doing it. For example, ‘I love the way you waited for me to finish speaking before you started talking’. Or ‘You did well to say please and thank you just now’.
Use consequences if your child is talking back or speaking rudely.

Children learn best through play, so pretend play can be a fun way to help them develop and practise conversation skills. For example, ‘Let’s pretend that you’re the mummy talking on the telephone and I’m the little kid. What should I do if I want to talk to you?’ Or you and your child could use toys or puppets to have pretend conversations about funny, interesting or even silly things.

Managing your child’s interruptions

Interrupting is common in childhood. This is because children are often excited to share their thoughts and feelings, but they’re also still learning to pause, wait and take turns in conversation.

With support and practice, your child can gradually learn when to speak and when to wait for their turn. It’s important for your child to learn these skills. Waiting for others to finish speaking (unless it’s an emergency) helps your child communicate respectfully and get along with others.

Tips for children of all ages

Let your child know when it’s OK to interrupt immediately. For example, if something dangerous or urgent is happening, they should be allowed to interrupt.
Teach your child to put their hand on your arm if they need to say something while you’re talking. Then you can put your other hand on top of theirs to let them know that you’ve understood.

Tips for older children

Remind your child of your family rule about interrupting. Then continue your conversation until your child says, ‘Excuse me’, or puts their hand on your arm.
When your child says, ‘Excuse me’, try to reward them with your attention quickly. Your child will see that if they do the right thing, they get what they want.
Praise your child when they say, ‘Excuse me’, and wait for you to give them your attention. This encourages your child to keep speaking this way. For example, ‘You waited until I finished my call before you asked for help with your doll. Well done!’
If you have an important activity that can’t be interrupted, try distracting your child with a special toy or an interesting activity or let them know how long you’ll be.

How do conversation skills develop in childhood?

Children develop conversation skills gradually through everyday interactions with family, friends and other important people in their lives. Here’s what you might see as your child grows and develops:

Toddlers (1-3 years)

Toddlers are starting to learn that conversations go back and forth and involve both listening and talking.

At 1-3 years, your toddler might:

use gestures, sounds and words to communicate
respond to simple questions and instructions
enjoy naming people, objects and actions
talk about things that interest them or have just happened
not understand they should say, ‘Excuse me’, and wait if they need to interrupt.

Preschoolers (3-5 years)

Preschoolers ‘ language skills are developing, so they often take a more active part in conversations. They’re also starting to learn when and how to join conversations and when to talk or listen.

At 3-5 years, your child might:

ask a lot of questions to learn about the world
talk about experiences, ideas and feelings
be able to wait briefly for your attention if they need to interrupt.

School-age children (5-8 years)

Conversation is important for school-age children’s learning, friendships and social relationships. At this age, children are becoming more skilled at taking turns, listening and staying on topic. They’re also learning to understand other people's thoughts and perspectives.

At 5-8 years, your child might:

have longer and more detailed conversations
talk about the past events, the future and imaginary situations
change their communication depending on the person and situation
use conversation to build and maintain friendships
be able to wait for longer if they need to interrupt and get your attention.

Things that affect children’s conversation skills

These things might affect how children develop conversation skills:

Self-regulation – this includes the ability to manage your behaviour and your reactions to things happening round you. It’s an important part of learning to talk and listen. Children develop self-regulation as they grow.
Temperament – for example, a very social child might want to be involved in every conversation and need support to listen to others. On the other hand, a child who is shy or slow to warm up might find it easier to listen but harder to respond.
Autism and other forms of neurodiversity – for example, autistic children have a range of conversation skills and styles. Some might benefit from support and opportunities to practise conversations skills that work for them.

There are some developmental and other issues that might affect talking and listening. Language delay is a delay in using sentences or knowing how to speak with others. Speech difficulties include lisping, stuttering or forming sounds. If your child is experiencing any of these issues, you might want to see a speech pathologist. You could also ask your child and family health nurse or GP for advice.