Positive behaviour for kids & teens: guide

Positive behaviour: what it is and why it’s important for children and teenagers

Positive behaviour in children and teenagers is about acting, speaking and responding in ways that help with getting along with others, staying safe and developing well. Positive behaviour can look different at different ages and stages of development, but it usually includes things like speaking kindly, cooperating, resolving conflict effectively, and following instructions.

Positive behaviour might depend on family beliefs, values and culture.

When children and teenagers behave in positive ways, it’s good for their wellbeing, relationships with family and friends, confidence, learning, health and safety.

When your child is young, they might need your help to understand how to behave in positive ways. As your child gets older, they’ll understand why positive behaviour is important and make good choices based on this.

When your child is young, you’re the most important influence on their behaviour. As your child grows, their peers and other adults have more influence, but you still have a key role in shaping the way your child behaves.

Relationships and positive behaviour

Warm and loving relationships that include regular positive attention help to lay the foundation for all areas of child and teenage development, including behaviour. That’s because children and teenagers do best when they feel supported, encouraged and safe.

When it comes to behaviour, a strong relationship with you means your child is more likely to:

trust that the limits you set are good for them
be motivated to cooperate with you
follow your lead and learn from you
develop positive relationships with others
feel confident to learn new skills, including positive behaviour skills.

These articles help you learn more about strengthening your relationship with your child and helping your child develop well in all areas, including behaviour:

Age, stage of development and positive behaviour

As children grow, they learn and develop skills for positive behaviour. For example, they learn to:

control their reactions
understand and manage their emotions
understand how their behaviour affects others
consider other people’s feelings
share and cooperate.

Children also learn practical skills that help them feel capable and make good choices.

It’s important to take your child’s age and stage of development into account when you think about what you can reasonably expect from them.

These articles can help you understand what to expect from your child at different ages and stages of development:

If your child is autistic or has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), developmental delay, disability or other issues, they might need extra support to learn skills for positive behaviour.

Your child’s temperament affects how strongly your child reacts to events or situations and how easily they can control their behaviour. It can also affect how easy it is for them to develop positive behaviour skills.

Health, wellbeing and positive behaviour

Plenty of sleep and healthy food are important for children’s physical health. And when children are physically well, they’re more likely to behave positively. Their mental health and emotional wellbeing also affect their ability to behave in positive ways.

These articles explain how to make sure your child is getting the sleep, food and mental and emotional support they need for positive behaviour:

Family environment and positive behaviour

Children’s family environment can influence the way they behave. When children see and benefit from positive behaviour in their families, they’re more likely to behave in positive ways themselves.

Family environments that encourage positive behaviour have:

role-modelling that shows children what positive behaviour looks like
consistent expectations about how family members treat each other
routines that create a sense of safety and predictability.

These articles can help you learn more about creating a family environment that encourages positive behaviour:

Your child’s behaviour can be affected by stress and change in your family life, like the arrival of a new baby, a house move, a school transition, separation or divorce and so on. A traumatic experience can affect your child’s behaviour too.

Strategies to guide your child towards positive behaviour

Your child’s relationship with you, their developmental stage, health and wellbeing, and your family environment are important in guiding your child towards positive behaviour.

From time to time, you might also need to use specific strategies to encourage your child to behave positively in particular situations:

Sometimes you might think about why your child is behaving in a certain way, try a range of strategies and still feel concerned about your child’s behaviour. In this situation, it’s a good idea to get support. Start by talking with your GP or child and family health nurse.

Looking after yourself

Looking after yourself physically, mentally and emotionally gives you the energy you need to guide your child towards positive behaviour.

You can look after yourself while parenting young children and look after yourself while parenting pre-teens and teenagers by:

eating well and doing some physical activity
trying to get enough rest or sleep
making time for things you enjoy
practising self-compassion.

Even when you look after yourself, it’s natural to find your child’s behaviour challenging sometimes. Getting support can help. You can try talking about your feelings with someone you trust, like your partner, a friend or your GP. Or you could call a parenting helpline in your state or territory.

Harsh discipline like yelling, threatening or corporal punishment won’t help your child learn positive behaviour and can be harmful to your child and your relationship with your child.