How parenting changes in the teenage years

Now that you’re raising a teenage child, the demands on your time and energy are different from when your child was younger.

In the early years, you needed to feed, bath and comfort your child. Now your child is older and looking after themselves more and more. But your child still needs your support.

This is because the onset of puberty can bring big changes for your child. You might need to support your child through social and emotional changes, friendship choices, adolescent ups and downs, romantic relationships and sexual feelings, mental health and wellbeing challenges, school problems and more.

Also, your child might be involved in a wide range of social and extracurricular activities. This might mean you need to take them from one thing to another or prepare them for getting around by themselves.

It’s all about helping your child develop independence on their journey to young adulthood.

Friends and peers will become more important to your child in these changing years, but this doesn’t mean you’re less important. You still play a big role in your child’s life – and strong relationships with family as well as friends are important for your child’s healthy social and emotional development.

What is self-care for parents and carers of teenagers?

Self-care is actively doing things to look after your:

• relationships
• mental and emotional wellbeing
• physical health.

What are examples of self-care for parents of teenagers?

• Planning for healthy family meals
• Getting active by walking, exercising or playing sport
• Looking after your health
• Making time to do fun things with your partner, family or friends
• Learning a new skill or hobby

Why self-care is important when you’re parenting a teenager

Raising teenagers is a big and important job, and self-care helps you do it well. Self-care will help you meet your own needs as well as the needs of your family.

Looking after your physical and mental wellbeing can also help you stay calm and consistent, so that you’re better able to navigate challenging times.

How to care for your relationships while parenting a teen – and why

Nurturing your relationships with people you love is an important part of self-care.

Tips

• Make time for fun experiences with people who are important to you. This could be a walk, a lunch, a regular coffee date, a trip to the movies or whatever you enjoy.
• Show your affection, admiration and appreciation for your partner, family and friends. You could tell them how much they mean to you or make them a thoughtful gift.
• Share feelings and experiences with the people who are important to you, and try to be available to listen to them too.
• If you have a partner, find time just for yourselves each week. You could spend time together at home, have a special dinner, watch a TV show, play cards, or listen to your favourite music.

Why it’s important

Caring for your relationships helps you feel happier, more confident and more satisfied with your parenting and your family life. It also sets a good example for your child.

It’s normal for family life with teenagers to have its ups and downs. But if you and your partner find you’re seriously struggling at any stage, it’s a very good idea to seek help from friends and family, or speak to your GP or a relationship counsellor for advice.

How to care for your wellbeing while parenting a teen – and why

Looking after your emotional wellbeing is an important part of self-care as the parent of a teen.

Tips

• Keep things in perspective. For example, if you’re having an argument with your child, ask yourself, ‘Do we need to fight about this? Can I let this go?’ When you let go of small issues, you save energy for more important issues like your child’s health, safety and wellbeing.
• Look for the positives. For example, if your child offers to help someone out, you might say to yourself, ‘Nice – I’m glad I’ve taught my child to think about others like that’.
• Try to think of something to be grateful for each day. This can help with stress and improve your wellbeing. For example, if a friend sends you a nice text, take a moment to feel grateful before replying.
• Try breathing, relaxation or mindfulness to relax and feel calm.
• Work on family rituals. This can help you all feel positive about your family relationships. It can also help your teen feel loved, secure and part of the family. Examples might include a regular Sunday night dinner, regular family outings or religious ceremonies.

Why it’s important

Caring for your emotional and mental health is good for your wellbeing generally.

Also, when you’re emotionally and mentally well, you’ll be better able to navigate some of the challenges of raising teenagers and manage natural and common emotions like stress, anxiety and even anger in healthy ways.

Self-compassion helps you be kind to yourself as you navigate the challenges of raising teenagers. Self-compassion is good for you, because it reduces stress and anxiety. And it’s good for your child, because you can better support your child when you’re feeling good yourself. Self-compassion also sets a great example for your child.

How to care for your physical health while parenting a teen – and why

Self-care is key to good physical health. Looking after your physical health includes being active and eating well.

Physical activity ideas

Physical activity is important for many parts of your life, and 30 minutes a day is recommended to help you stay physically healthy. Physical activity is good for mental wellbeing too.

It could just be a half-hour walk or an exercise class, but if you’ve got more time as your child gets older, you could join a sports team or ask friends if they want to play tennis or go for a bike ride.

Healthy eating ideas

Healthy eating gives you the energy you need during the day and keeps your body nourished so that it runs at its peak.

Eating well can be difficult when you’re busy. It helps to have simple, healthy food on hand, like fresh vegetables cut up ready to eat with dips, fruit, yoghurt and wholegrain bread.

Why it’s important

Your physical health is important to your ability to give your child what they need to thrive.

How to make time for self-care when you’re parenting a teenager

You might be finding that juggling your child’s needs with your work and other commitments is leaving you with little time to care for yourself. But time for yourself is important because it gives you more energy and enthusiasm for the time you spend with your child.

Here are suggestions for making time for self-care in a busy family schedule.

Negotiate household responsibilities

If you have a partner, talk together about how you can manage household chores as a family.

You might look at giving your child more responsibility for jobs around the house. Teens can usually do more difficult chores like washing dishes and cleaning bathrooms. It can help to negotiate with your child about which chores they prefer.

There are a couple of benefits here. Jobs get shared around more, and your child gets practice for independent living – for example, learning to cook simple meals, doing the washing up or washing clothes.

Set up family routines and schedules

A weekly family routine or schedule can help you keep on top of family commitments and household tasks and also make time for yourself. That’s because routines and schedules can help your family get through tasks more efficiently, which frees up time for more enjoyable things.

Use your support networks

Grandparents, family and friends might be able to spend time with your child to free up some time for you. Or you could organise to share car-pooling and supervision duties with other parents whose children are involved in the same activities as your child.

This might give you a few more hours in your week, with the bonus of helping you build new friendships and support networks.