What is anxiety?

Anxiety is the feeling of worry, apprehension or dread that something bad is going to happen or that you can’t cope with a situation.

It’s also the physical reactions that go with the feeling, like a racing heart, ‘butterflies in the stomach’, tension, shakiness, nausea and sweatiness.

And it’s behaviour like avoiding what’s causing the anxiety, feeling restless, spending a lot of time thinking about worst-case scenarios, having trouble relaxing or sleeping, having trouble concentrating or looking for reassurance.

Anxiety can happen in response to a specific situation or event, but it might continue after the situation has passed. It can happen without a specific situation or event too.

Most people experience anxiety from time to time.

What is parental anxiety?

Parental anxiety is when you have anxious feelings, physical reactions and behaviour linked with being a parent or parenting your child.

It’s normal and natural to worry or feel anxious as a parent. After all, raising children is a big and important job.

What parents might feel anxious about

• Whether their child is developing the same as other children
• Whether their child is getting along with other children at school
• How to guide their child's behaviour in a positive way
• Whether their child is learning and doing well at school
• When to seek medical advice for their child
• Whether child care is good for kids and which is the best child care
• How to budget for their family and avoid financial stress
• Whether they’re doing a ‘good’ job of parenting

Managing anxiety is good for your emotional and mental health and wellbeing. And when your anxiety is under control and you’re feeling well, you’re better able to navigate the challenges of family life. This helps your child grow, develop and thrive.

How to cope with parental anxiety

There are a practical things you can do if you have a parenting situation or problem that’s causing you anxiety.

Tips

• Break the problem into small tasks or steps. For example, ‘It’s the doctor’s job to check on my child’s health. Right now I just need to focus on getting a doctor’s appointment’.
• Give yourself time to calm down before responding. For example, if your child comes out of school and tells you someone is being mean, talk with your child when you get home. If you’re still worried the next day, make an appointment to see the teacher.
• Use helpful self-talk. For example, ‘It’s natural to feel anxious about how much time my child spends gaming’, ‘I can handle this. We’ve worked out problems like this before’, or ‘It’s OK if our family does things differently from other families’.
• Try facing situations that make you anxious rather than avoiding them. This helps you learn how to manage your anxiety in helpful ways. But it’s usually a good idea to do this gradually. You could use the stepladder approach.

How to cope with general anxiety

• Try breathing exercises, muscle relaxation or mindfulness.
• Do regular physical activity. Moving your body can quieten your mind and release feelings of nervous energy.
• Eat healthy food. A healthy diet gives you energy for clear thinking, good focus and healthy sleep.
• Talk to someone about how you’re feeling – your partner, a family member or a trusted friend.
• Do things you enjoy or that give you a sense of achievement. When you experience success and enjoyment, your body releases endorphins, which boosts your mood.
• Join a local parents group, an interest-based group or a sports club to connect with other people who might be in a similar situation and can share advice from their own experiences.
• Keep a diary or journal to record your feelings. You might be able to see a pattern in the things that upset you. Try to include all your feelings, not just your anxiety or worry.
• Practise self-compassion. It’s important to be kind to yourself as you learn to manage your anxiety. Remind yourself you’re doing the best you can.

Taking care of your physical health is good for your mental health. Parents who are physically healthier have better mood and can cope better with challenges.

When to get professional support for anxiety

It’s common to feel anxious sometimes. But it’s important to seek professional support as soon as you can if:

• the everyday tips above aren’t helping with your anxiety symptoms
• you’re feeling a lot of anxiety symptoms
• your anxiety symptoms are interfering with your health, daily life or relationships.

Professional support can help you manage your anxiety before it becomes overwhelming.

Making an appointment with your GP or a local counsellor to talk about things is a great first step.

You might sometimes compare yourself with other parents and worry that you’re not doing a good job. It might help to know that if you’re raising your children in nurturing, warm, sensitive, responsive and flexible ways, you’re giving your children what they need to grow and thrive.