Cyberbullying: understanding it, spotting it and reducing risk

What is cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying is when a person uses digital technology like the phone or internet to deliberately and repeatedly upset, frighten, threaten or hurt another person online.

Cyberbullying can happen directly or behind someone’s back.

It can happen in text messages, emails, online games, gaming chat and instant messaging apps, and on social media platforms like TikTok, YouTube, Snapchat, Instagram and Facebook.

Cyberbullying can look different at different ages and depending on what technology is being used.

Examples of cyberbullying include:

posting or sending messages that threaten people or put people down
leaving people out of online games, social forums or online group chats
spreading nasty rumours online about people
setting up unkind or unpleasant fake social media accounts using real photos and contact details
trolling or stalking people online
sharing or forwarding people’s personal information without their permission
posting insulting or embarrassing photos or videos of people without their permission
harassing people in virtual environments or online games
trying to persuade someone to harm themselves or commit suicide.

Cyberbullying can happen during the day or night, anywhere there’s internet or mobile access.

Cyberbullying is different from disagreeing or arguing with someone online. Cyberbullying is mean and hurtful behaviour that happens over and over again. For example, it might involve many posts by the same person, or it might involve one person posting something that they know will be shared or reposted by others.

How cyberbullying affects children and teenagers

Cyberbullying can be devastating. It can harm children and teenagers in many ways:

Self-esteem – they might feel bad about who they are and lose confidence.
Mental health – they might worry, feel stressed or begin to feel sad or depressed.
Physical health – they might have trouble sleeping, lose their appetite or feel physically sick.
Social life – they might withdraw from others, avoid social settings, or feel isolated, lonely or excluded.
School progress – they might refuse to go to school, be less engaged with schoolwork or have less interest in school and extracurricular activities.

Children and teenagers need help to handle cyberbullying. If you’re concerned that your child is being cyberbullied, you can help your child handle cyberbullying with the GETRID steps. Or if you think your child is cyberbullying others, it’s important to help your child learn to treat people with respect, both online and face to face.

Signs of cyberbullying in children and teenagers

It’s not always easy to tell whether children and teenagers are experiencing cyberbullying.

This is because some children and teenagers might not realise what cyberbullying is.

Also, children and teenagers sometimes don’t want to tell adults about it. This might be because they feel embarrassed or think it’s a sign of weakness. They might be scared that the cyberbullying will get worse if an adult tries to do something about it, or they might worry that they won’t be allowed to use their phone or computer.

If you’re worried that your child is experiencing cyberbullying, there are signs you can look for. These include changes in your child’s school and social life, technology use, and emotions and behaviour.

You know your child and how they usually behave. This means you’re in a good position to notice changes in your child.

School and social life
Your child might:

refuse to go to school
come home later from school or go to school earlier in the morning than usual
start getting lower marks than usual
not want to take part in family activities
not want to see friends as much as usual
not want to take part in their usual sports and extracurricular activities
avoid group gatherings
refuse to take part in activities outside the home or not leave the house at all.

Technology use
Your child might:

be upset during or after using technology
spend much longer than usual online or stop using the computer or phone
stop what they’re doing on the computer or hide their phone when you’re around
set up fake accounts or delete their browser history
delete their social media accounts.

Emotions and behaviour
Your child might:

be more moody or angry than usual
show obvious changes in behaviour, including participating in risky behaviour
become withdrawn
change the way they dress or take care of themselves
say things like ‘I’m useless’ or ‘I’m not good at anything’.

Physical signs
Your child might:

have trouble sleeping
have no appetite
feel sick or complain of frequent headaches or stomach aches.

If your child is in their teens, you might also notice panic attacks, alcohol or drug use or self-harm.

In extreme cases your child might tell you that they’re having suicidal thoughts. If this happens, seek urgent professional help by calling Lifeline on 131 114 or going to a GP, mental health service or hospital emergency department.

How to reduce the risk of cyberbullying for children and teenagers

Cyberbullying can happen to anyone, but there are practical things you can do to reduce your child’s risk of being cyberbullied.

One of the most important things you can do is talk with your child and help them understand what cyberbullying is. This can help your child recognise and respond appropriately to cyberbullying and avoid doing it themselves.

It’s also important to create a safe and healthy digital environment for your family. This involves being a role model, keeping up to date with your child’s online interests, encouraging your child to be a responsible digital citizen, negotiating technology use guidelines, and taking age-appropriate internet safety precautions.

If you have this kind of environment in your family, your child is more likely to come to you if they have questions or they’ve had an upsetting online experience. These articles and videos explain:

Strong and supportive family relationships plus rules and boundaries can help your child successfully navigate online interactions and relationships. That’s because family relationships, rules and boundaries set standards for respectful behaviour and communication with others. They help your child build friendship skills, confidence and resilience. And they help your child feel safe, secure and loved, no matter what else is going on in their life.

How cyberbullying is different from other bullying

Cyberbullying is different from other kinds of bullying, both for the person who’s bullying and the person who’s being bullied.

People who bully others often act more boldly online than if they were face to face with other people. This is because they often don’t see the effects of their behaviour on other people.

For children and teenagers being bullied, cyberbullying can be very tough to deal with. Cyberbullying can happen 24 hours a day, not just when they’re at school or using their device. People who are being cyberbullied might not know who’s doing it or when it might happen again. This can make children and teenagers feel unsafe, even when they’re at home.

Also, bullying messages posted online are very hard to get rid of. These messages can be forwarded instantly and seen by many people, instead of only the few people present in face-to-face bullying.

Cyberbullying can become face-to-face bullying. And face-to-face bullying can become cyberbullying. Children and teenagers can experience cyberbullying and face-to-face bullying at the same time.

Children and teenagers who haven’t experienced cyberbullying directly but who’ve witnessed it can also be hurt by it. You can support them in the same ways you’d support a child who’s been cyberbullied.