Family violence: effects on parents & kids

Family violence: never OK

If you’re experiencing family violence from your partner or ex-partner, it’s not your fault, and there are no excuses for it. Your partner or ex-partner is responsible for the violence and the way it affects you or your child.

Seeking support is the best thing you can do for your child, your family and yourself. The right support can help to protect you and your child from harm. It can also help you recover.

What to do if you’re experiencing family violence

Seek support. This is the most important thing you can do if you’re experiencing family violence or you’re concerned about your wellbeing or your child’s wellbeing.

If you or your child are in immediate danger, call the police on 000.

For support in the short term, you can speak to a trusted family member or friend.

In the longer term, professional support is essential. Here are options:

Speak to your GP, child and family health nurse, school counsellor or other health professional.
Call the National Domestic Family and Sexual Violence Counselling Service on 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) or use their web chat service.
Call your state or territory parent helpline.
Call Lifeline on 131 114, Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636 or MensLine Australia on 1300 789 978, or use their webchat counselling services.

You might be referred to specialist family violence services. Specialist family violence services include counselling support, crisis accommodation, help with safety plans, protection orders and survivor support groups.

Your child can talk to a Kids Helpline counsellor by calling 1800 551 800 or using the Kids Helpline webchat counselling service.

You can seek support at any stage – that is, when you’re in the relationship, leaving the relationship or out of the relationship.

How family violence might affect you

When you’re experiencing family violence, it can hurt you in many ways – physically, mentally, socially, emotionally, spiritually, sexually and more.

There are signs that family violence is harming your health and wellbeing. For example, you might:

have anxiety or feel stressed
feel hopeless or depressed
have problems sleeping
use alcohol and other drugs to cope
have physical injuries like bruises or broken bones.

Family violence can also make it harder for you to manage everyday family life, connect with your child and give your child what they need to do well. For example, you might find that you:

feel irritable or annoyed, including with your child
lack the energy for things like feeding your child, getting them to school, playing with them or managing their behaviour
have difficulties caring for your child, leaving the house, or being around other parents.

How family violence might affect children

To grow, develop and thrive, children need to feel loved, safe and secure.

In an environment where family violence is happening between parents, children can feel scared and unsafe. Children often know that family violence is going on even when they don’t see, hear or experience it directly.

Just knowing that your partner is hurting you is distressing for children. So is seeing your injuries or looking after you when you’ve been hurt. If your child is older, they might also feel responsible for protecting you or their siblings.

These feelings and experiences can affect children now and in the future. For example, children might:

behave aggressively or in challenging ways
have problems managing their emotions
find it hard to talk to or play with other children
seem sad
withdraw from friends and family
have trouble eating
wet the bed, have nightmares or have trouble sleeping
experience depression and anxiety
have learning difficulties or problems going to school
experience bullying
find it hard to make or keep friends.