About stress in families with autistic children and teenagers

Stress is a response to external challenges, pressures or events. These might include things like deadlines, difficult decisions or health scares.

Stress is part of life. Everyone experiences stress, and some stress is OK. It can get you ready for action and give you the motivation to get things done. But too much stress can be overwhelming.

Families with autistic children can experience a lot of stress. For example, they might feel stressed because they:

• find it hard to balance household work, paid work and parenting responsibilities
• have trouble handling challenging behaviour
• aren’t sure how to help their autistic child develop well
• need a break from caregiving but don’t know how to get respite
• don’t have a support network of understanding and supportive family and friends
• are having trouble navigating the service system.

Although an autism diagnosis can affect the whole family, family members might be stressed by different things about the diagnosis or different aspects of life with an autistic child. They might also respond to and express stress in different ways.

Stress can affect individual family members, and it can also affect your relationships with each other. Recognising each other’s feelings and looking after your family relationships can help you with family stress management.

Reducing and managing stress for families with autistic children

If you feel that you or your family is having trouble coping, it’s important to do something to manage the stress in your family life. Managing stress is good for the emotional and mental health and wellbeing of everyone in your family.

Helpful self-talk
Helpful self-talk increases your positive feelings. And feeling positive increases your ability to cope with stressful situations.

For example, you might have an unhelpful thought like ‘People probably think I’m a bad parent’. You can challenge this thought by asking yourself, ‘How do I know that people will think this?’ You could try using helpful thoughts instead, like ‘Other people’s opinions about my parenting don’t matter’, ‘I can do this’, or ‘I will stay calm’.

The more you practise helpful self-talk, the more automatic it will become in your life. Start practising in one situation that causes you stress, and then move on to another one.

Relaxation and breathing strategies
Practise breathing exercises and muscle relaxation techniques. If you practise and use relaxation exercises as soon as you feel signs of stress or when you know you’re going into a stressful situation, it can calm things down.

You could also set aside time each day for relaxation, meditation or mindfulness. This might help you sleep better, become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and feel more positive during the day. You can try different types to find one that you enjoy and that fits your lifestyle. Even 10 minutes at the beginning or end of the day could be enough.

Self-compassion
Self-compassion helps you be kinder to yourself as you navigate the challenges of raising your child. This is good for you and good for your child.

Self-compassion is being kind to yourself even when things don’t happen the way you expect or want. It’s being aware of your feelings and treating yourself with the same warmth, care and understanding you’d give to someone you care about. It’s also acknowledging that struggles and challenges are a part of life and that everyone goes through them.

Gratitude
Practising gratitude each day can help with stress and improve your wellbeing. For example, when picking up your coffee order, take a moment to feel grateful for the barista’s efforts before thanking them, or try writing down a couple of things you’re grateful for.

Organisation
Stress is often related to the feeling that things are out of your control. Getting organised is a very effective way to get things – including your stress levels – under control.

For example, if you have a list of things you need to do, you can work through the list, focusing on just one thing at a time. And you’ll feel good as you cross things off the list.

You could also try using family routines. Routines will help your family get through tasks more efficiently and free up time for more enjoyable things. You can adjust routines for children with additional needs.

Time for enjoyable activities
When all family members – including you – have time to do things that make them feel good, it can reduce your family’s stress.

One way to do this is by encouraging everyone in your family to make a list of things that they enjoy. Then you can plan to do something from the lists every day or every couple of days. The lists should have a mix of activities that vary in cost and time. Some activities could be things your whole family will enjoy.

Family traditions and rituals
Family traditions and rituals can give you a sense of belonging and togetherness. This can strengthen your family relationships, which will help you get through stressful times.

You might have to modify your traditions to suit the needs of your autistic child. For example, it might be less stressful to plan a weekend camping trip closer to home so you spend less time in the car.

Support from family and friends
Family and friends can be a great source of practical support.

It’s good to ask for help if you need it. This could be as simple as asking an extended family member to babysit one night or asking an older niece or nephew to take your children to the park. This could turn into a fun activity for your child and extended family member, as well as giving you time to yourself or time to get other things done.

Respite
Respite care can give you a break from caring for your autistic child and help you manage stress. If you feel worried about leaving your child with someone outside the family, make time for respite carers to get to know your child before they care for your child.

Getting help with stress

If you or any other family members are feeling very stressed every day, it might help to talk to a health professional. You could start by seeing your GP, who can help you make a plan for managing stress. This might include referring you or other family members to another health professional for specialist support.

Your family can also get support from the following services:

• Emotional and practical services and supports – contact Carer Gateway to find a range of support options and services available for parents. Call 1800 422 737 to talk to someone about what you need and find local services and supports.
• Respite care – contact your state or territory autism association or a Commonwealth Respite and Carelink Centre. Find your local centre by calling 1800 052 222 during business hours, or call 1800 059 059 for emergency respite support at other times.
• NDIS support – contact the National Disability Insurance Scheme to find out about support to help your child reach their individual goals and live the life they want.
• Support groups – contact local or online groups to connect with other people in similar situations.
• Financial support – contact Centrelink about Carer Allowance, Carer Payment and other financial support.

When your stress is under control and you’re feeling well as a parent, you’re better able to navigate the challenges of family life. This helps your children feel secure and thrive.