Why positive relationships are important for toddler development

Warm, positive and responsive relationships are fundamental to children’s development and wellbeing.

When you have this kind of relationship with your toddler, they feel safe and secure. A sense of security gives your toddler confidence to explore the world and learn. And as your toddler explores the world, they learn how to think, understand, communicate, behave, show emotions and develop social skills.

Connecting with your toddler: what to expect

Children develop quickly in the toddler years. As your toddler develops, there’ll probably be changes in your relationship and the way you connect with each other.

Your toddler is learning that they’re a separate person. They’ll want to be independent – for example, they might want to feed or dress themselves.They might also be less willing to be talked out of things once they’ve made up their mind. At the same time, they might fear being separated from you and not want you to leave them with other people.

Your toddler’s ability to use and understand language will develop very quickly. This means you can share more activities and games. You can also start working on social skills like sharing and taking turns. For example, you can play with a ball and say, ‘Roll the ball’ or ‘My turn now’.

Your toddler’s emotions are developing too. Your toddler will have strong emotions but won’t always be able to find the words to express them. Tantrums can happen when your toddler is overwhelmed by strong emotions like frustration. If you can tune into your toddler’s feelings, you might find that you can sometimes stop tantrums from happening. And tuning in is always a good way to build your relationship.

Toddlers are learning that they can do things that make other things happen, like chasing a seagull to make it fly away. You might find the time you spend together is a lot more active than it used to be. But if you’re around while your toddler explores, they’ll feel safe and have the confidence to try new things.

A strong parent-child relationship is about more than just having fun together. By tuning in to your child’s feelings, encouraging positive behaviour and helping your child find words for big emotions, you can help your child learn and develop.

Tips for connecting and building a positive relationship with your toddler

Children of all ages need parents and caregivers who are warm and responsive, who give them attention, and who make them feel safe. Here are ideas to help you connect and build this kind of relationship with your toddler.

Spending time together

• Give your toddler plenty of positive attention. This can be as simple as getting down to your toddler’s level and smiling at them or talking to them.
• Make time to share fun activities and play together. For example, toddlers love dressing up, playing with big empty cardboard boxes and running around in the garden or park. It’s best just to follow your toddler’s lead with play.
• Read together. Regular reading creates a special time for connecting. It also stimulates your toddler’s imagination and helps your toddler learn about the world around them.
• Share regular family meals. Family meals can strengthen your family relationships and your toddler’s sense of belonging. Family meals are also a chance to practise talking and listening.

Supporting development

• Support your toddler’s developing independence by letting them make decisions. For example, you could ask them to choose between 2 healthy snacks or between 2 t-shirts when they’re getting dressed.
• Tune in. If you see your toddler is getting frustrated or upset, help them understand their emotions and also comfort them. For example, ‘You’re upset that you dropped the banana. It’s OK. There’s more banana in your bowl’. Understanding emotions is a key part of self-regulation, which is important for all your toddler’s relationships.
• If your toddler is having trouble separating from you, explain when and where you’re going to be away, where they’ll be, and when you’ll be back. For example, ‘I’m going to buy food for the fridge. Nanna is here with you, and I’ll be back for your nap time’. This will help your toddler feel more secure.
• Think about your toddler’s temperament when you plan to spend fun time together. For example, if your toddler likes quiet play, you might find it works better to stay home and finger paint instead of going to a busy play centre.

It’s important to look after yourself. Even spending a few minutes each day doing something you enjoy like going for a walk or reading a magazine can make a big difference to how you feel about the time you spend with your child. Looking after yourself is good for you, so it’s good for your relationship with your child and their development.