Crying child? What to do when kids won’t stop crying

Why is your child crying?

If your child is crying, they might be hungry, tired, uncomfortable, sick, in pain, frustrated, sad or angry. Sometimes they might cry because they need affection or comfort, or because they fear being separated from you.

But it might sometimes be hard to work out what your child needs when they’re crying, especially if they aren’t talking yet.

So when your child cries, start by checking that they aren’t sick or hurt. If you’re not sure, make an appointment with your GP or call your child and family health nurse.

If your child is crying for a reason other than sickness or pain, there are many things you can do to help.

Never shake, hit or hurt a crying child. If you feel you might hurt your child, stop before you do anything. Walk away and take some deep breaths. Call someone for help.

What to do about toddler crying: 1-3 years

Toddler crying happens for the same reasons as baby crying. But toddlers also cry as a way of dealing with new and difficult emotions like frustration, embarrassment or jealousy.

If your toddler is physically OK, the following ideas might help, especially if your toddler won’t stop crying:

If you think your toddler might be tired, encourage them to have a rest. Or you could offer some quiet time listening to music or reading a story together.
If the crying happens at bedtime, get help settling your toddler.
If your toddler is angry or having a tantrum, take your child somewhere safe and use time-in to help your child calm down.
If your toddler is frustrated, try to work out a solution together. For example, ‘You’re frustrated because the blocks keep falling over. Let’s try again together’. Naming an emotion and the reason for it sends the message that you understand your toddler’s feelings. It also helps your toddler learn self-regulation.
If your child is irritable, do something they enjoy, like going for a walk outside together or offering a bubble bath. Or put on music you both enjoy and dance or sing together.
If there’s another special person who can soothe or distract your child, ask this person for help. For example, you could try video-chatting with a grandparent.
If your toddler isn’t talking yet, show them pictures of faces with different emotions. This might help them communicate their feelings.

What to do about children crying: 3-8 years

Children tend to cry less as they get older.

Once children can talk, it’s usually easier for them to use words to say why they’re upset and what they need.

If your child is physically OK, try the following ideas to manage your child’s crying:

Help your child calm down. When they’re calm, ask them why they feel upset. Show you’re listening by repeating your child’s feelings back to them. For example, ‘You’re feeling sad because Sam wouldn’t play with you’.
Suggest how your child could deal with the situation. For example, ‘How about you ask to join Jai’s game instead?’
Make sure your child understands that it’s OK to have feelings and to cry when something sad happens or when your child gets hurt. For example, ‘Ouch, I’d be crying too if I hit my head’.

If your child spends a lot of time crying and feeling sad or your child won’t stop crying, consider asking your GP for advice.

Looking after yourself when your child is crying

If your child is crying a lot or won’t stop crying, it’s very important to look after yourself.

If you’re feeling stressed, anxious or angry, it might help to have another person take over for a while. If you can, ask your partner or a friend or relative to help out. Walking around the block or doing meditation can give you a break and might help you feel calmer.

Seeking support is an important part of looking after yourself. It’s good for you and it’s good for your family. Crying in babies and children is one of the most common reasons parents seek professional help.

If you need support, you can call:

your GP or child and family health nurse
Lifeline on 131 114
Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636
your state or territory parenting helpline.

You should also see your GP or nurse if you or your partner is crying a lot, or you’re crying without knowing why. You might need help for depression, postnatal depression in birthing mothers or postnatal depression in non-birthing parents.

It’s OK to cry in front of your children sometimes. For both children and grown-ups, crying can be a healthy way to deal with significant loss, pain, frustration or sadness. Your child learns about when and how to express emotions like sadness, anger and happiness by watching you. Seeing you show your emotions also helps your child understand that you have feelings too.