Parent guide to talking about sex: 0-8 years

Talking to kids about sex: what parents need to know

Early, age-appropriate conversations about sexual topics are important for children’s development. This is because they can help children make healthier choices about sex when they get older.

If you talk early and often about these topics, it can also make later conversations easier. It’s the start of a conversation that continues and evolves as your child gets older.

At this stage, the key early messages are that your child should feel comfortable and confident coming to you for open, honest and reliable information and answers.

Sexuality isn’t just about sex. It’s also about your child’s identity and the way your child feels about their developing body. And it’s how your child understands and expresses feelings of intimacy, attraction and affection for others, and how your child develops and maintains respectful relationships.

How to start the conversation in childhood: 3 steps for parents

These basic steps can help you talk with your child about sex.

1. Find out what your child knows

Acknowledge that your child might be curious and find out what they already know. For example, ‘Where do you think babies come from?’ or ‘What have you heard about where babies come from?’

2. Give your child the facts

Correct any misinformation and give the facts. For example, ‘You’re almost right. Babies don’t grow in their mummy’s tummy. They grow in a special place inside the body, called the uterus’.

3. Create a ‘teachable moment’

Use the conversation as an opportunity to talk about your own thoughts or feelings. For example, ‘Some people really want to have a baby when they’re ready. Other people aren’t too sure about having a baby at all’.

How parents can talk about sex, sexuality and bodies: tips for all ages

These tips can make it easier to talk with children of any age about sex and sexuality.

Explain sex and sexuality at your child’s level

For example, a 6-year-old won’t want a long explanation of ovulation, although they might be fascinated to know very small eggs (or ova) can make a baby.

It’s best to keep your explanation brief, factual and positive. If you can do this, your child will feel that they can come back to you whenever they want more information.

Use correct names for body parts

This means using words like ‘penis’, ‘scrotum’, ‘testicles’, ‘vulva’ and ‘vagina’. This helps to send the message that talking about these parts of our bodies is healthy and OK. And if your child knows the correct names for body parts, your child will be able to communicate clearly about their body with you or people like doctors if they need to.

You can be inclusive of people of all genders by talking about ‘some’ or ‘most’ people – for example, ‘Some people have penises, and some people have vulvas’.

Say ‘I don’t know’ if you need to

Your child doesn’t need you to be an expert – your child just needs to know that they can ask you anything.

If you don’t know what to say, tell your child you’re glad they asked, that you don’t know the answer, and that you’ll look for some information and get back to them. And then make sure you do get back to your child. Or you could look for the answer together.

This builds trust and sends the message that you’ll be honest with your child.

Get all parents involved

In families with more than one parent, it’s good for all parents to get involved in discussions about sex. When all parents are involved, children learn that it’s OK for everyone to talk about sex and sexuality. This can help children to feel comfortable talking about their bodies, take responsibility for sexual feelings, and communicate in intimate relationships when they’re older.

Be prepared to start a conversation

Some children don’t ask many questions, so you might need to start a conversation. It’s a good idea to think about what to say beforehand and then pick a good time to talk. For example, if someone is talking about pregnancy on TV, you could say, ‘They were talking about pregnancy on the TV earlier. It got me wondering if you know what that is?’

Some children find it easier to talk without eye contact, so you could plan to talk while you and your child are travelling in the car.

Prepare yourself

You might feel embarrassed or uncomfortable talking about sexuality or using words like ‘penis’ or ‘vagina’ when talking about bodies. That’s OK.

It’s a good idea to prepare yourself by thinking about what you’re comfortable with and building on that. For example, if you’re OK with talking about bottoms but not breasts, try using the word ‘bottom’ to start with. Or you could practise with another adult.

It’s important for children to know the difference between touching that’s OK and touching that’s not OK. Make sure your child knows that they can say ‘No!’ to any touching that they don’t want and that it’s always OK to tell a trusted adult about touch that’s not OK. You can start talking about sexual abuse and talking about consent when your child is young.

0-2 years: learning about bodies

You can use everyday moments to help your child learn about bodies. For example, bath time or while you’re helping your child get dressed are good times to introduce the names of body parts.

These can also be good times to send messages about healthy, natural behaviour. For example, if your child touches their genitals while you’re changing their nappy, that’s OK. When they’re older, you can talk about public and private behaviour.

2-3 years: introducing body parts

Most children aged 2-3 years are very curious about their own and other children’s bodies. They’ll also notice that different bodies have different body parts. Your child might ask you why or say, ‘What’s that?’ You can teach your child that all body parts have names and ‘jobs’. For example, ‘This is your vulva’ or ‘Your penis is where wee comes out’.

Looking at books with your child can help. You can use the pictures to help your child learn the names for body parts and understand that bodies are different.

4-5 years: explaining where babies come from

Children aged 4-5 years often ask where babies come from. They can understand that a baby grows in a uterus and that to make a baby you need a sperm (like a tiny seed) and an ovum (like a tiny egg).

If your child asks ‘Where do I come from?’, you could ask, ‘What do you think?’ This helps you work out what your child is really asking and how much your child understands. You could give a simple explanation like ‘Babies grow in a place inside the body called the uterus’.

If you’re pregnant your child might ask, ‘Where does the baby come out?’ Give a simple but accurate answer like ‘The baby is growing in my uterus. When the baby is finished growing, it might come out through the vagina, which is a stretchy tube that connects to my uterus’.

6-8 years: explaining how babies are made

By 6 years old, many children are interested in how babies are made and might ask questions.

If your child asks, ‘How did the baby get into your uterus?’, ask your child what they think. This helps you understand what your child already knows. Then you can explain simply, giving as much information as you’re comfortable with. For example, ‘To make a baby, a sperm and an egg join together.’

You could explain how this usually happens when 2 people have sexual intercourse and how a vagina and penis fit together. It’s also good to explain that sexual intercourse is something that grown-ups do when they both want to and that it’s not for children.

You might also like to say that sometimes babies enter families in other ways, like IVF, adoption, foster care or grandparent care.

You don’t have to wait for your child to ask you a question. You could start a conversation by asking, ‘Have you ever wondered how you were born and where you came from?’ Or you might see someone who’s pregnant and say to your child, ‘They have a baby growing inside them. Do you know how the baby got there?’

You could also read a book together about where babies come from, like Mummy laid an egg by Babette Cole.

When your child is 6-8 years old, it could be a good time to start talking to them about puberty and how bodies change.

If your child comes across pornography, stay calm and let them know they’re not in trouble. This can be an opportunity to talk with your child about what is and isn’t OK for children to see. And talking about these issues is one of the best ways to keep your child safe online and promote respectful online behaviour.

Young children with disability: what to say and how to talk

Children with disability experience the same sexual development and curiosity about bodies, relationships and sexual concepts as all children. This means they have the same need for information as their peers.

If your child has disability, think about how you can adapt conversations to suit your child’s communication preferences and cognitive, emotional and developmental needs.

These ideas can help:

Talk often, and keep conversations short and focused.
Give your child time to absorb and understand what you’ve talked about.
Regularly check in with your child to make sure they’ve understood.
Repeat information as often as you need to.
Use fun ways to explain complex subjects. For example, you could sing a song together, like ‘My body, my rules’ by Body Safety Songs.
Get support from your child’s GP, occupational therapist or speech pathologist, or another professional who works with your child.

More sex education information for parents

You can learn about typical sexual development and behaviour in childhood in the following parent guides: