Self-identity for autistic teenagers: what to expect
Forming a self-identity is about working out who you are and what your values are. It’s an important part of adolescence for all teenagers. Teenage self-identity is influenced by many things, including peers, family, media and culture.
Self-identity can be challenging for autistic teenagers.
This is partly because autistic teenagers might become more aware that they’re different from their peers. They might be unsure of how to fit in and feel they have to mask their autistic traits. Or they just might not be interested in their peers.
Autistic teenagers might also have trouble recognising and managing emotions, their own and other people’s. This can make it hard for them to work out how they feel about themselves and things in the world around them.
And then there are the usual adolescent ups and downs. These ups and downs happen for many reasons – physical, emotional, social and psychological – and not for any one reason in particular. They can be confusing for autistic teenagers.
Also, the challenges that autistic teenagers face can sometimes become the centre of attention. This can make it hard for autistic teenagers to see themselves as valuable community members with skills and strengths.
Helping autistic teenagers with self-identity
Autistic teenagers will probably need your help to build their self-identity. Building a positive self-identity is important for your autistic child because it also helps with your child’s self-esteem and self-confidence.
Here are practical ideas that can help.
Talking about diversity
You can talk with your child about how everyone has their own strengths, interests and challenges, which is what makes us interesting. This can help your child see themselves as valuable and worthwhile.
You can also help your child understand that people can look, speak, think or act differently from each other – and this is OK.
You could turn this into a social story. The professionals working with your child will be able to help.
Meeting others
If your child joins an activity that they enjoy, like a sports club or a band, this can help them build a better sense of what they’re good at, what they enjoy and where they fit in. It’s also a good chance for your child to develop and practise their social skills and mix with other teenagers.
Getting involved with other autistic teenagers can help your child to understand more about autism and how it’s part of people’s identities. Your child can share their own experiences with an understanding peer group. Your state autism association or local council can help you find a local group.
Thinking about ‘me’
You can encourage your child to think about:
- their interests and values
- their personality – for example, whether they’re generous, artistic, polite and so on
- the words they’d use to describe themselves to others.
One way to get your child thinking about themselves is to help your child create an ‘All about me’ book. This might include pictures of things your child likes, pictures of friends or things about their hobbies and achievements. Drawings or craft creations from when your child was younger can remind your child of past experiences. Things like school reports can help your child think about past and current achievements, what they’re good at and what things they need support with.
When your child comes up with a list of words to describe themselves, these can go into their book.
Knowing about family
Your child’s self-identity also comes from knowing about their family. You could show your child things like family photographs and include these in their ‘All about me’ book too.
It might also help your child to hear about your experiences of growing up and going through the teenage years, especially if your child doesn’t have a lot of support from peers and friends.
Looking after yourself with healthy food, regular exercise and enough rest is good for you. And when you're well and healthy, it helps your autistic child grow and thrive. If your feelings about your child’s autism are sometimes overwhelming, it might help to know there are positive ways to manage them. Getting support from your local community can often be a big help too.