Why play is important for toddler emotional development

Toddlers are little people with big emotions that they don’t always have the words for. Play gives them a chance to:

• explore and express these big emotions
• understand what they’re feeling and why
• practise managing their emotions.

For example, if your toddler is sad because their toy bear is missing his bow tie, you can say, ‘I can see you’re sad that Bear has lost his bow tie. It’s OK – we can make Bear a new bow tie’.

Play is the natural way that toddlers learn and develop. It’s important for all areas of development, including emotional development, self-regulation, behaviour and relationships.

Toddlers watch how you express your emotions. You can help your child learn safe and effective ways to manage strong emotions when you manage your emotions in positive ways. For example, you could say, ‘I’m feeling upset, so I’m going to stop and take 3 big breaths’.

What to expect from toddler emotions

Your toddler will probably:

• become more aware of being an individual at 1-2 years
• start to feel fear, embarrassment, empathy and envy at 1-2 years
• begin to be more independent and want to do things without your help
• be able to wait their turn and control some emotions at 1-2 years
• start to say how they feel – for example, your toddler might say ‘ow’ for pain or ‘I did it!’ for pride at 1-2 years
• start to compare their behaviour with other children’s – for example, your toddler might tell you that they waited their turn but others didn’t.

Your toddler is also learning about a big new emotion – frustration. Your toddler is likely to:

• get frustrated and cry, yell or hit out when they don’t get their way
• be quite bossy about what they want
• not understand why they can’t have what they want when they want it
• find it hard to stop playing or to change activities
• struggle to keep their frustration under control sometimes – you might see some tantrums.

By the age of 3 years, most toddlers start to feel other big emotions like guilt and shame. Listening to your toddler when they want to talk and giving them plenty of reassurance and support can help your toddler understand these new feelings.

If your toddler experiences big emotions like anger or frustration, it can help to remember that all emotions are OK. Your job is to be calm, supportive and patient. This can help your toddler feel safe as they learn how to cope with these new and big emotions.

Play activities to help your toddler learn about emotions

Play is one of the best ways for young children to learn about and practise understanding, expressing and managing their feelings.

Here are ideas:

• Play and share with children of all ages.
• Try imaginative play with toys or old clothes. For example, your toddler could pretend to care for a teddy bear or bravely rescue toys from a tree.
• Sing and dance. For example, you could try ‘If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands’. You could ask your child how else they can show that they’re happy.
• Try messy play with sand, mud or paints. Encourage your toddler to slap sand, stomp in mud or make big paint strokes. You can introduce your toddler to emotions words like ‘happy’ or ‘excited’ while they play.
• Read stories that feature characters who are experiencing feelings that your toddler is also going through. For example, try the When I’m Feeling series by Trace Moroney.
• Try puppet play. This can be a great way for your toddler to explore strong emotions like pride or worry and learn how to manage them.
• Draw a picture of the body and encourage your toddler to point to or colour where they feel emotions. For example, they might feel anger in their face or their shoulders.
• Let your toddler take the lead with play. But even when your toddler wants to lead, you still have an important role in helping your toddler cope with strong emotions like frustration or disappointment.

It’s a good idea to talk with your child and family health nurse or GP if your child isn’t showing emotions and feelings or doesn’t enjoy eye contact with you. Also see your GP or nurse if you’re concerned about any other aspect of your child’s development.