How your child might feel when a new baby is coming
When a new baby is coming, your child might be excited. But they’ll have to learn to share love and attention with the new baby. This can be a big step, especially if your child is still a toddler. They might feel they’re being pushed out of the spotlight.
When to tell your child that a new baby is coming
If you’re preparing for a new baby, when and how much you tell your child about the baby depends on you. Your child’s age will also play a part.
It can be good to introduce the idea of a new baby early in pregnancy, at least 3-4 months before the baby is born. You could try talking about babies in general and then talk about the new baby.
Young children don’t really understand time. When you’re explaining to your child that a new baby is coming, try relating it to a familiar event. For example, you could say that the new baby will arrive soon after a special person’s birthday.
Older children might want details about where the baby came from, how it got in their parent’s tummy, and how it will get out. When it comes to talking with your child about sex, simple, age-appropriate explanations are best.
How to prepare your child for a new baby
Before your new baby is born, you can help your child feel positive about their new sibling. They need preparation, communication and plenty of understanding from you.
If you can make this a positive and exciting time, your child is more likely to feel that the change is about everybody in the family, not just the new baby.
Tips to help with your child’s feelings
- Read stories about babies. Look at pictures and talk with your child about how your family is growing.
- Show your child pictures of themselves when they were very young.
- Let your child touch the baby bump to feel the new baby moving and kicking inside. You could even let them listen to the baby’s heartbeat at a visit to the midwife or doctor.
- Involve your child in the practical side of getting ready for the new baby. Let them help you get your home ready, buy baby items and decorate.
- Talk with your child about what they’re most looking forward to when the new baby comes.
- If your child is worried about the new baby, talk with them about their worries and reassure them. Give your child plenty of love and cuddles, and focus on the positives. For example, they’ll have a new brother or sister to love.
Tips to help your child understand what it’s like to have a new baby
- If possible, spend time with friends and their newborns. Your child will see that new babies are very sleepy and need a lot of care.
- Let your child know that the baby will be a separate little person with their own needs.
- Encourage your child to socialise and play with other children. This helps your child develop the social skills to have a good relationship with a new sibling. You could join a playgroup or arrange for extended family members and friends – both children and grown-ups – to spend time with your child.
If your child is ready to be toilet trained or to move from cot to bed, it’s a good idea to start making these changes well before the baby is born, or to leave these changes until afterwards.
How to prepare your child if you’re having a hospital birth
Here are ideas to help your child feel OK if you and your partner will be away for a hospital birth:
- Let your child know who’ll be looking after them during the hospital stay. If your child doesn’t know the carer well, they’ll need time to get used to the idea.
- Print out family photos for your child to keep near their bed while you and your partner are away.
- Arrange for your child’s routines to stay the same as much as possible. This will help your child feel more secure.
- Keep in touch with your child while you and your partner are away. If the birth has gone well and everyone is OK, make times for your child to visit.
- Make your child feel special and loved when they visit. Tell your child how happy you are to see them.
What to consider if your child might be present during labour and birth
Some parents think about having their child present at the birth of a new baby. Or you might be planning a homebirth and considering what’s best for your child.
If these are things you’re thinking about, it might help to consider:
- how old your child is
- how to explain the birthing process to your child beforehand
- whether you’re comfortable with your child being present
- whether you’re comfortable with your child being exposed to nudity and sexuality
- whether someone other than your support person could be there to support your child if they feel uncomfortable or upset.