Helping your toddler or preschooler adjust to a new baby

How toddlers and preschoolers might feel about a new baby

When a new baby is born, your toddler or preschooler might feel happy or excited.

But they might have other feelings too, like:

jealousy because they think the new baby is getting all your attention
confusion about new family relationships
fear of being left out
the desire for more attention.

Try to be sensitive to all your child’s feelings, listen to them and give them plenty of affection. This shows your child you’re still there for them and helps them feel secure as they adjust to the new baby.

How to introduce the new baby to your toddler or preschooler

The way you introduce your child to the new baby can lay the foundation for a positive relationship between your children.

Ideas for introducing your the baby to your child

Reassure your child with a big loving hug before introducing the new baby for the first time. This is especially important for toddlers.
If the first meeting is when you bring the baby from hospital, plan quality time with your child. This could be an outside game, a craft activity or a book at bedtime.
Organise a small gift from the new baby to your child. Your child might like a small doll so they can have a ‘baby’ of their own.
If family and friends are bringing gifts for the new baby, suggest they also bring something small for your child.

How to help your toddler or preschooler feel positive about the baby

Spend one-on-one time together

Spending one-on-one time with your child can help them feel secure.

If you have a partner, you and your partner can make time for your child by taking turns caring for the new baby.

And even when you’re busy with the baby, you can let your child know they’re important by doing special things with them. For example, you might have a special song you sing together or a special bedtime book you read together.

Organise special time with other trusted adults

You can help your child feel special and important by organising for them to have extra time with close family members or friends. For example, they could go to the park or do a special activity together.

Help your child get familiar with the new baby

There are many practical ways you can do this:

Let your child gently touch their new sibling when you’re there to supervise.
Involve your child in caring for the baby if they’re interested. For example, they could get bath things ready or help to dry the baby after a bath.
Praise your child when they’re gentle or helpful with the new baby. And if they don’t want to help, respect their choice.
Keep things fun and positive. For example, let your child know that the grown-ups will take care of things when the baby cries in the night.

Your children all need warm and loving relationships and time with you to grow and develop well. You can build and strengthen your relationship with your toddler or preschooler by giving them plenty of positive attention. This helps them feel safe and secure. It also shows them behaviour that’s important in your family.

How to handle challenging behaviour after a new baby arrives

It’s common for toddlers and preschoolers to behave in challenging ways during a new baby’s first year of life.

This behaviour can be a way of expressing strong feelings and might include:

crying, yelling and even asking for the baby to be sent back
behaving like a baby – for example, forgetting toilet training, needing help when eating or dressing, or wanting to be rocked to sleep
refusing to nap or go to bed and waking during the night
being angry around the new baby
hitting or hurting the new baby.

Tips for handling challenging behaviour

Here are ideas for encouraging your toddler or preschooler to behave in positive ways and giving them the attention they need:

Spend quality one-on-one time with your child.
Keep your child’s routines as consistent as possible.
Give your child plenty of praise for positive behaviour, including when they’re being gentle with the baby.
Tell your child how much they’ve learned and grown since they were a baby.
Help your child express emotions through messy play, puppet play, drawing, music and so on.
Stay calm – this helps your child manage their own emotions and reactions.

How to handle breastfeeding around your toddler or preschooler

Your toddler or preschooler is likely to be curious about breastfeeding and might want to watch. Or they might want to be nearby or even climb into their breastfeeding mother’s lap. This can be a good opportunity to explain that breastfeeding is natural and breastmilk helps the baby grow strong and healthy.

What if your toddler or preschooler asks for a breastfeed?

There’s no right or wrong in this situation. You can offer your child a breastfeed if you’re comfortable with this. Or you could offer them a taste of breastmilk from a cup.

If you’d prefer not to offer your toddler or preschooler a breastfeed, here are ideas:

Explain that breastmilk is made especially for babies.
Offer a special drink or snack babies can’t have.
Distract your child with another activity.

How to make feeding a special time

Whether you’re breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, feeding can be a special time for all your children.

Tips for special feeding times

While the baby is feeding, give your toddler or preschooler a favourite toy, activity or task. You might like to keep a special box of toys aside for them to enjoy during feeding.
If your toddler or preschooler wants to be close during feeding, encourage them to cuddle up and listen to a story, read a book or sing a song with you.
During feeding, play your toddler or preschooler’s favourite music or some recorded children’s stories and listen together.
If you’re not feeding the baby, use feeding as a chance to have special time with your toddler or preschooler. For example, it could be a good time for a trip to the park, a board game or a craft activity.

How long will it take for your toddler or preschooler to adjust to the new baby?

Almost all children need to adjust when a new baby joins the family. But a positive sibling relationship will eventually develop – usually by the time the new baby has reached about 14 months.