Healthy attitudes to gender: kids & teens

About gender, gender stereotypes and sexism

Gender is your sense of who you are – a boy or a girl, a man or a woman, both or neither.

Gender often comes with gender stereotypes, sexism and gender discrimination.

Gender stereotypes are ideas about how people of specific genders should behave. Gender stereotypes include ideas about who should do certain jobs at home and in the workforce, who should play certain sports, who should wear what, who should show certain emotions and so on.

Sexism is the belief that one gender is inferior to others, usually that women and girls are inferior to men and boys.

Sexism often leads to gender discrimination, which is when someone is treated unequally because of their gender.

Children start learning about gender from birth, and they learn by watching how you and other adults communicate and behave. You are your child’s most important role model, so you have a big influence on what your child learns. As children get older, they also develop attitudes to gender from things they see on TV and social media, and in movies, books, magazines and so on. But your influence is still important.

Healthy attitudes to gender: what they are and why they’re important

Healthy attitudes to gender might include things like:

understanding that gender can be fluid
recognising and challenging gender stereotypes
accepting, valuing and including people of all genders.

When children have healthy attitudes to gender, they’re more likely to behave in safe, respectful and nonjudgmental ways in classrooms and playgrounds, on sporting fields, in workplaces and so on.

Safe, respectful and nonjudgmental environments help children of all genders develop well, learn, be themselves and thrive.

Sexism and gender inequality can lead to violence against women and gender-diverse people. Prevention of gender-based violence starts with helping children learn about respect, equality and positive attitudes towards people of all genders.

Family life: ideas for developing healthy attitudes to gender

The way you organise your everyday family life can shape your child’s attitudes to gender. Here are ideas:

Make sure everyone in your family does a range of household chores – for example, cooking, cleaning, mowing the lawn, taking out the rubbish and so on. This helps your child learn that they don’t have to do things just because of their gender.
Share parenting duties or activities with your partner, if you have one – for example, changing nappies, taking your child to after-school activities, helping with homework, or volunteering for school or sport committees.

Communication and language: ideas for developing healthy attitudes to gender

You can have a powerful influence on the way your child understands gender by making simple changes to the way you use language. Here are ideas:

Use gender-neutral language when you’re talking about people, professions, animals or objects. For example, say ‘Let’s give the money to the shop assistant’ instead of ‘Let’s give the money to the girl behind the counter’.
Be aware of the language you use to guide your child’s behaviour, and avoid gender stereotypes. For example, avoid saying things like ‘Don’t act like a girl’ or ‘Boys will be boys’.
Notice the way your child and other people talk about girls and women. For example, phrases like ‘She runs like a girl’ or ‘She’s strong for a girl’ suggest that girls aren’t physically strong or skilled. You could say, ‘Yes, she runs like a girl – try and keep up’ or ‘She’s not strong for a girl – she’s just strong’.
Notice the way your child and other people talk about boys and men. For example, sayings like ‘Boys don’t cry’ suggest that boys aren’t allowed to show their emotions. You could say, ‘Everyone can cry when they need to. It’s good to express your emotions in healthy ways’.
Notice the way your child and other people talk about transgender and non-binary people. For example, questions like ‘Why is he wearing a dress?’ are based on strict, binary assumptions about gender. You could say, ‘They’re wearing a dress because they want to’.

Play and media: ideas for developing healthy attitudes to gender

Children learn about gender through play. And as children get older, media shapes their learning too. This means play and media activities can be opportunities for your child to develop healthy attitudes to gender. Here are ideas:

Provide a range of activities or toys for your child to choose from – for example, drawing materials, books, musical instruments or dress-ups. If you have to pick activities or toys for your child, try to choose gender-neutral ones like blocks.
Encourage your child to explore diverse gender roles during pretend play. This might include pretending to be a parent or sports star of any gender. Or it might be dressing up in skirts, shorts, scarves, boots, hats, helmets – whatever sparks your child’s interest.
Point out gender stereotypes in movies, books or stories. For example, female characters in early Disney animations are often helpless and need to be rescued. Male characters in superhero or action movies often hide their emotions.
Choose TV shows, movies, books and video games that give people of all genders meaningful roles and stories or that challenge gender stereotypes. For example, you could read The paperbag princess with a younger child or encourage an older or a teenage child to choose a movie like Frozen or Captain Marvel.
Talk about current events or issues that relate to gender inequality. For example, you could talk about how AFLW players don’t get paid the same as AFL players. Or point out how there aren’t many gender-neutral bathrooms for non-binary people to use.

Development and identity: ideas for developing healthy attitudes to gender

You can help your child work out who they are and want to be by encouraging them to explore all aspects of their identity. This includes but isn’t limited to their gender. For example:

Point out examples of men and women in non-traditional roles and activities. Examples might be women playing cricket, rugby and AFL, and men working in midwifery or child care.
Try to expose your child to diversity. For example, you could take your child to performances or exhibitions that feature the work of people of all genders.
Focus on your child’s strengths or behaviour. For example, talk about your child’s sense of humour, effort at school or other special skills rather than their appearance.
Help your child work out who they are based on their values, strengths, interests, challenges and so on. Avoid framing your child’s identity only in relation to gender.

If your child wants to talk about gender-related issues with you, show interest and listen to what your child has to say. When you welcome and engage in these conversations, you can help your child learn about healthy attitudes to gender.

Sexism and gender discrimination: ideas for calling it out

Your child will come across gender stereotypes, sexism and gender discrimination. Sometimes they’ll be directly affected. You can let your child know that these are unjust and unfair parts of life. And you can help your child learn how to respond. Here are ideas:

Don’t tolerate sexism among your extended family and friends. For example, a sexist joke tries to get laughs by making fun of women, men or people of other genders. If someone makes a joke like this in front of your child, it’s OK to say, ‘That isn’t funny. It’s sexist’.
Give your child ideas for challenging gender discrimination. This might include things they can say like, ‘That’s not fair’ or ‘Why do you think that?’ It might also be things they can do, like talking to teachers or coaches.
Help your child when they experience sexism or gender discrimination. For example, if your child is excluded from a school club because of their gender, let them know that this isn’t fair and that you’ll speak to school staff if this is what your child wants.
Support community efforts against sexism. For example, you and your child could join online or in-person groups or take part in events and activities that celebrate and support gender equality and diversity.

Sexism or gender discrimination in your child’s views or behaviour: what to do

If you notice your child behaving in sexist or discriminatory ways, it’s important to talk with your child. This might be a challenging conversation.

It can help to make a distinction between how your child has behaved and who your child is or wants to be – a respectful, caring person. If your child knows that you believe they’re a good person, they’re more likely to think about their views or behaviour.

Here’s how to talk with your child about sexist or discriminatory views or behaviour:

Calmly start a conversation. For example, ‘Why did you tell your brother not to be “such a girl”?’
Talk with your child about how their views or behaviour might affect others. For example, ‘Using the word “girl” as an insult suggests that being a girl is a bad thing’.
Ask your child to suggest more respectful views or behaviour. For example, ‘What else could you have said? Did you need to say anything?’
Show your child evidence to counter the view or behaviour. For example, you and your child could research the positive contributions that strong women have made to the world.

Here are ways to help your child change their views or behaviour:

Reflect on how or where your child might have got sexist messages. For example, are they seeing books, social media content, movies or TV shows that aren’t gender inclusive?
Check what you’re modelling for your child. Do you express negative verbal or non-verbal ideas about boys or men, girls or women, or people of other genders?
Keep having regular, age-appropriate discussions with your child about respect and gender equality.
Give your child age-appropriate resources that explain how to support gender equality and challenge sexism and gender discrimination.

If your child’s behaviour might be harming others, it’s important to address it immediately. Talk with your child as soon as possible about their behaviour, reach out to others who might be involved, and plan how to deal with the behaviour.

Gender discrimination can be distressing. If talking about gender discrimination distresses you, talk to your GP or call Lifeline on 131 114, Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636, QLife on 1800 184 527 or a parenting helpline. If you’re experiencing gender discrimination, you might be able to get help from the Human Rights Commission, your state or territory anti-discrimination agency, or the Fair Work Ombudsman.