Video gaming problems and video gaming addiction: pre-teens and teenagers

About video gaming problems

Pre-teens and teenagers can enjoy and get benefits from playing video games if they have healthy video gaming habits. Healthy habits also help children avoid most video gaming problems.

But sometimes pre-teens and teenagers have video gaming problems. These include playing:

too often
for too long
obsessively – that is, feeling a strong urge to play and feeling agitated, irritable or anxious when not playing.

These video gaming problems can lead to other social, health and wellbeing problems. These include:

lack of time for study, physical activity or face-to-face social interactions
physical problems
sleep problems
mental health problems.

Video gaming problems usually happen when children use video gaming to deal with stress, anxiety or difficult emotions like sadness, boredom or anger. But video gaming problems can make stress, anxiety or mental health problems worse.

When to be concerned about video gaming in pre-teens and teenagers

Signs that your child might have problems with video gaming include:

withdrawing from friends and family
neglecting usual activities
performing worse at school
often feeling tired or not getting enough quality sleep
hiding or lying about how much they play
talking and thinking a lot about gaming
finding it hard to stop or limit play
experiencing ‘gamer rage’ – angry or aggressive behaviour while video gaming or when asked to take a break.

It’s a good idea to have regular conversations with your child about their video gaming, even if you don’t think they have problems. You could talk about the video games your child is currently playing, the games they most enjoy, the people they’re playing with and the things they liked or didn’t like about their last gaming session.

Talking about video gaming problems with pre-teens and teenagers

If you think your child might have video gaming problems, talking with them is the first step.

Here are tips:

Prepare yourself. For example, read about video gaming and plan what you’ll say to your child.
Make a time to talk when you’re both calm, have plenty of time and can be face to face. You’ll be less likely to misunderstand each other, and you’ll find it easier to communicate complex emotions.
Start the conversation casually. For example, ‘I noticed you were playing late last night. What’s been happening in your game?’
Actively listen to your child. This means giving your child a chance to talk without interruption or judgment. This helps your child feel comfortable to share their problems.
Ask about why your child likes to play video games. This can give you a sense of the needs your child is trying to meet by gaming. For example, it might be easier for your child to make friends or feel confident in the game than in real life.
Gently ask about other stresses, worries or problems in your child’s life. For example, ‘Gaming is a great way to get your mind off things. Has something been bothering you lately?’
Make it clear that your main concern is for your child’s wellbeing. For example, ‘I like that you’re doing something you enjoy, but it worries me that you’re not getting enough sleep’.
If you or your child gets upset, take a break. You might need to help your child calm down. Then set a time to talk again soon.

If your child doesn’t want to talk with you about their video gaming, you might need to prepare for a difficult conversation. Or you could suggest other trusted adults your child could talk to, like a relative, family friend, teacher or counsellor. Just make sure your child knows that you’re happy to listen any time they want to talk to you.

Helping pre-teens and teenagers with video gaming problems

If your child is open to talking about their video gaming with you, together you could use a problem-solving process to help them find healthier ways to play.

Here are ideas:

Negotiate with your child on screen time strategies to help them manage their video gaming.
Agree on clear limits for video gaming. You could have a weekly ‘budget’ for how many hours your child can play or set times for video gaming on weekdays and weekends. Agree on a consequence if limits are broken – for example, no wi-fi for 24 hours.
Help your child make a weekly schedule to balance video gaming with their family time, homework, physical activity, extracurricular activities, interests and hobbies and household chores.
Schedule regular times to be digital free as a family. For example, everyone could avoid using screens once a month or between certain hours of the day. It’s a good idea to replace the screen time with fun family activities.

Helping pre-teens and teenagers manage anger and aggression when video gaming

If your child behaves in angry and aggressive ways when video gaming, it’s important to manage this early.

These suggestions might help your child when they feel frustration or anger starting to build:

Take an immediate break, and come back to the game when they’re calm.
Do physical exercises. For example, run out of and back into the room 5 times, or take 5 slow deep breaths.
Try a grounding exercise or mindfulness activity.
Say something calming to themselves – for example, ‘I play better when I’m calm’. Your child could keep helpful phrases on sticky notes near their screen.

If your child is behaving in physically or verbally harmful ways, let them know this behaviour is unacceptable. For example, ‘I’m not OK with you playing if you’re slamming things, shouting or swearing. You’ll need to take a break immediately if that happens’.

Video gaming addiction

Video gaming addiction is a mental health condition characterised by obsessive video game playing and an overwhelming urge to play.

Your child might have gaming addiction if for at least 12 months they:

have lost control over their video gaming habits – for example, they can’t reduce or quit their playing
spend time video gaming instead of or before doing other activities and interests
keep video gaming even though it’s negatively affecting other parts of their life, like their physical and mental health, sleep, hygiene, school, work or family relationships.

Your child might show these signs constantly or on and off throughout the 12 months.

It’s important to seek professional help if you think your child has a gaming addiction.

Video games are designed to keep players online, making it easier for players to overuse or become addicted to video games.

Professional help for video gaming problems or video gaming addiction

It’s a good idea to seek professional help if you’ve tried talking with your child and:

You think your child might have a gaming addiction.
Video gaming continues to interfere with your child’s daily life.
Video gaming seems to be your child’s way of coping with other stresses and problems.
You still have concerns about your child’s video gaming.

You could start by talking to a GP. They can refer your child to appropriate professionals and services – for example, a local psychologist, counsellor, school counsellor or psychiatrist.

It’s best if you can choose a professional who knows how to help children with video gaming problems. Most professionals outline their experience and skills on their websites. You can also ask professionals directly. For example, ‘What experience and qualifications do you have helping children with problems with video gaming?’

Sessions with a professional can help to identify what has led to your child’s video gaming problems or addiction – for example, stress, unmet needs, impulsive characteristics or a mental health condition. The professional can then work through different strategies with your child to help them manage these issues and their gaming in healthy ways.

Your child could also try a confidential counselling service for young people:

Some video games have gambling themes and content. It’s important to talk with your child about how gambling works and how to make good decisions about online gambling.