What is cyberbullying?
Cyberbullying is when a person uses digital technology like the phone or internet to deliberately upset, embarrass, frighten, threaten or hurt another person.
Cyberbullying is never OK. Cyberbullying is serious and can be devastating for the person being cyberbullied. It can also be harmful for the person who’s doing the cyberbullying and might even have legal consequences.
What are examples of cyberbullying?
Cyberbullying includes things like:
- sending hurtful, mean or abusive messages online
- spreading rumours or lies about people online, including deepfakes and disinformation
- making fun of, teasing or humiliating someone online, including posting or sharing insulting, embarrassing or explicit real or fake photos or videos
- trolling, stalking or harassing someone online
- changing or using someone else’s account or creating a fake account in someone’s name to post negative, harmful or inappropriate content
- sharing or forwarding people’s personal information without their permission
- deliberately making someone feel left out of online chats, games or forums
- threatening to hurt someone or encouraging others to hurt them
- trying to persuade someone to harm themselves or commit suicide.
Sometimes young people can say or do hurtful things online without meaning to. It’s always best for them to ‘stop, think and review’ before commenting, posting or liking a post, or sending a message.
How do you know if your child is cyberbullying others?
It can be hard to know whether your child is cyberbullying. But you might find out in one of the following ways.
Your child might tell you
Your child might talk to you if they’re worried about something they’ve said or done online. They might also tell you if they’ve been accused of cyberbullying and they’re worried about what to do.
Someone else might tell you
Friends or other parents might tell you that your child has been cyberbullying. You might also be contacted by teachers or staff from your child’s school or by the family of the person who has been cyberbullied.
You might notice
You might see evidence of cyberbullying. For example, you might see mean messages that your child has sent or hear your child speaking unkindly to people online.
Or you might notice that your child is being very secretive about how they use their device. Or they might behave aggressively or negatively during or after being online.
Other signs
Your child might:
- be bullying others offline
- be speaking negatively about people – for example, using racist language
- have many more online followers than before.
These signs don’t necessarily mean your child is cyberbullying. But it could be a good time to talk with your child about how they’re using digital technology.
Checking your child’s online activity can send the message that you don’t trust your child. It’s best to talk regularly with your child about what they’re doing online. If you do want to check, it’s best to talk with your child about why you want to see it. For example, ‘Ruby’s mum said she was upset by the photo you posted last night. I’d like to see the photo to help us understand why she’s upset and what we can do about it’.
What to do if your child is cyberbullying others
If your child is cyberbullying others, your child needs your help. Here’s what to do.
Keep calm and avoid criticism
A calm, non-judgmental approach sends the message that you want to understand the situation and help your child. It can also help your child feel less upset, anxious or defensive.
Find out more
Talking and actively listening can help you understand what’s going on. It can also help your child feel loved and supported. But it might be a difficult conversation, and your child might not want to talk. It can help to ask questions like ‘What happened online today?’ or ‘How did the other person react when you posted that comment?’
The following articles can help you start a conversation:
If you ban your child from going online, they might be less likely to share experiences and concerns with you in the future. It might also isolate your child from supportive online friends and services and make it harder for your child to make things better. It’s better to keep the lines of communication open and work on building trust with your child.
How to help your child make things right
If your child has been cyberbullying, they can make things right and learn how to behave respectfully online in the future. Depending on how old your child is, they might need your help.
Face the problem
Your child needs to understand who has been hurt and why. Your child can do this by:
- talking and listening to the person they have cyberbullied
- going online with you to look at what they said or did
- thinking about how they’d feel if they had been cyberbullied
- talking with you about what has happened.
Remove or correct the harmful content
Your child could delete or edit the harmful post, comment or message. Or they could contact the platform and ask for the content to be removed.
Apologise to the other person
It’s good for your child to apologise if possible. For example, ‘I’m sorry about the message. I know it upset you. I’ve deleted it, and I’ll be more respectful in future’.
How to stop your child from cyberbullying in the future
Explore why your child is cyberbullying
It’s good to find out more about what led to the cyberbullying. For example, is your child experiencing peer pressure or stress? Are they being cyberbullied or bullied themselves? Is it about revenge, anger or another strong emotion?
If you understand some of the reasons for the cyberbullying, you can help your child learn to behave in more positive ways.
Encourage safe, healthy and respectful online behaviour
You can guide your child towards respectful and safe online behaviour by:
- role-modelling safe, healthy and respectful online attitudes and behaviour
- keeping up to date with your child’s online interests and technology use
- encouraging your child to be a responsible digital citizen
- negotiating technology use guidelines
- taking age-appropriate internet safety precautions.
Read more
These articles and videos have information about how to encourage safe and respectful online behaviour:
- Screen time, digital technology use and your family: a healthy approach
- Parents, screen time and digital technology use: role-modelling for children
- A family technology plan: how to make one
- Sharing screen time and digital technology with children and pre-teens
- Digital citizenship: teens being responsible online
- Social media benefits and risks for teenagers
- Online safety: children 9-11 years
- Online safety: teenagers
- Online safety: how parent-child relationships protect children
Strong and supportive family relationships plus rules and boundaries can help your child successfully navigate online interactions and relationships. That’s because family relationships, rules and boundaries set expectations for respectful behaviour and communication with others.
How to get help with cyberbullying
Young people might need extra support if they:
- find it hard to stop cyberbullying
- feel guilty or upset about what they’ve done
- experience bullying or cyberbullying because of what they’ve done
- are facing legal consequences.
You could start by talking with your child’s GP. They might refer your child to a psychologist or other health professional with expertise in this area.
You could also look into what support is available through your child’s school. School counsellors and wellbeing teams often work with families to prevent bullying and help young people learn to treat others respectfully.
If your child wants to talk to someone else, they could call:
- Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800
- Headspace on 1800 650 890.
If your child is facing legal consequences, it’s best to get legal advice. Youth Law Australia might be able to help.
If your child’s behaviour is causing you concern or stress, it’s good to get support for yourself. You could start by speaking to your GP, who can help you find a local counsellor or psychologist.