What is prosocial behaviour?

Prosocial behaviour is doing something to benefit, help or care for someone else because you believe that other people’s feelings and experiences are important.

Examples of prosocial behaviour

• Showing kindness by speaking gently to someone
• Comforting someone who’s sad or hurt
• Sharing things like books or toys
• Donating money
• Volunteering time
• Offering to help someone
• Cooperating with other people in a game or task
• Showing care for animals and the environment

Why is prosocial behaviour important?

Good for children and young people

This is because children and young people with prosocial behaviour tend to:

• get along with other people
• feel confident about their relationships with family and friends
• feel that they belong in their communities
• have good wellbeing and social connections.

Good for people and communities

This is because children and young people with prosocial behaviour tend to:

• contribute to their communities
• care for and help other people
• be role models for other people
• follow rules that help people get along
• care for animals and the environment.

When and how does prosocial behaviour develop?

Early forms of prosocial behaviour start to develop in the first few years of life.

As young children develop, they become increasingly aware of other people's needs and feelings. And this means they might be more likely to help, share and comfort others. For example, a toddler might see someone who’s upset, feel upset too and want to comfort the other person or fix the problem.

As children get older and become young adults, they begin to share, be kind and cooperate simply because they believe in the importance of other people’s and society’s wellbeing.

Key ways to support prosocial behaviour in kids of all ages

Relationships

A warm, loving relationship with you helps your child feel valued and worthwhile. And when your child feels this way themselves, they’re also likely to see other people this way.

Role-modelling

You are your child’s most important role model. If you treat people kindly, share, volunteer and help others, your child is likely to want to do those things too.

Practice

Your child needs plenty of practice playing and learning to get along with others. They might sometimes need you, or other grown-ups like teachers and sports coaches, to help them resolve differences or see other people’s points of view.

Praise

Your praise and encouragement helps your child develop prosocial behaviour. Eventually your child will do things for others because they believe that behaving this way makes the world a better place.

Prosocial behaviour looks different at different ages. Strategies for encouraging prosocial behaviour depend on children’s ages and stages of development.

How prosocial behaviour starts in toddlers (1-3 years)

Toddlers often like to help. You can encourage them but also try to be realistic about their behaviour. For example, a toddler might pick up something you’ve dropped, but they might have trouble sharing a toy.

Tips for prosocial behaviour in toddlers

• Stay close by when your toddler plays with other children. You can help children with taking turns or step in if things go wrong. Talk about why taking turns is important.
• Encourage your toddler’s helpful behaviour, and praise them when you see it. For example, ‘Can you please pass me that blanket? Thanks, that’s so helpful!’
• Talk about other people’s emotions. For example, ‘Auntie’s sad because she misses Grandpa’. This helps your toddler learn that other people have feelings and these feelings matter.
• Talk about how your toddler’s behaviour affects others. For example, ’Kipper sounds upset because you took her ball. Let’s give it back and see if that helps’.

How prosocial behaviour develops in preschoolers (3-5 years)

For preschoolers, prosocial behaviour can be helping others. They might also be aware of and care about how other people are feeling. For example, a preschooler might help another child complete a puzzle or tell a grown-up when another child is hurt.

Tips for prosocial behaviour in preschoolers

• Keep an eye on what’s happening when your preschooler plays with other children. You can step in if things go wrong or praise children when they work out something together. For example, ‘That was kind of you to listen to each other before you decided what to play. I can see you know how to be a good friend’.
• Praise your child when they put their litter in the bin, and let them know why it’s important. For example, ‘Great job binning that wrapper. That keeps it out of the river, so the ducks won’t eat it and get sick’.
• Talk about things people do to help others and why this is good. For example, ‘When your brother was born, other people were very kind and cooked us meals to eat. That made it so much easier to settle him into our family’.
• Talk about how your child’s behaviour might affect others. For example, ’Karan doesn't have any crayons left. He looks disappointed. What could we do so you can both keep drawing?’
• Give your child opportunities to help or be kind. For example, ask your child to do a simple chore, and then praise them for helping you.
• Talk about the thoughts and feelings of characters in stories or TV shows. For example, ‘Bluey’s happy because her dad gave her a hug. That was a nice thing to do, wasn’t it?’

How prosocial behaviour grows in school-age children (5-8 years)

At this age, children are often very keen on rules. They might show prosocial behaviour by expressing strong feelings about fairness in a game or standing up for another person who isn’t getting a go.

Tips for prosocial behaviour in school-age kids

• Be ready to listen if your child wants to talk about school. This can be a great chance to express family values about things like kindness, respect, friendships, relationships and problem-solving.
• Support your child’s friendships by asking whether there’s anyone they’d like to invite to your home. Give your child prompts about how to be kind to guests. Be available to help but also give the children space to learn how to get along with each other.
• Praise your child for sharing, taking turns and playing fair. Point out what your child did well. For example, ‘I thought it was fair the way you shook hands with the other team at the end of the game’.
• Talk about things people do to help others and why this is good. For example, ‘This is near where our car broke down that time. It was so kind of Auntie Pat to pick you up so I could wait for the tow truck’.
• Talk about how your child’s behaviour affects others. For example, ‘Imagine if we only brought enough birthday cake for your friends. How would the other people in your class feel?’
• Give your child opportunities to do helpful or kind things. For example, ask your child to write a card for Grandma in hospital, and then praise them for cheering up Grandma.
• Talk about the thoughts and feelings of characters in stories or TV shows. For example, ‘Standing up to the bullies looks scary. Why do you think she’s doing that?’

How prosocial behaviour matures in pre-teens and teens (9-18 years)

Pre-teens and teenagers are getting better at considering how their behaviour affects others. They might show prosocial behaviour by cooperating in a group for a school project or organising a social gathering.

Tips for prosocial behaviour in pre-teens and teens

• Help your child think about how their choices affect the planet as well as other people. For example, ‘I’m not just worried about the water bills. Long showers also waste water. Water is precious for the environment’.
• Encourage your child to form positive friendships by praising your child when you see them being fair, trusting and supportive. For example, ‘Jasper must have loved seeing you and the gang cheering for him yesterday. That’s a good way to be a supportive friend’.
• Talk about things people do to help others and why you admire this. For example, ‘I think Amalie was brave shaving her head to support kids with cancer. It was great you donated money to support her’.
• Talk about how your child’s behaviour affects others. For example, ‘I’m impressed that you put Mum’s tools away when it started to rain. She would have been upset if they’d got wet. Thanks for being thoughtful’.
• Give your child opportunities to volunteer, be involved in their community or help out family and friends. For example, they could support a charity or help coach a junior sport. Talk about why this is important.
• Show your child how to sort out differences with others by managing conflict with your child constructively.
• Let your child choose how they contribute – they’re more likely to respond positively.

Being kind and helpful doesn't mean children have to agree to every request or put other people's needs before their own. Children can learn to care about others while also setting boundaries and speaking up for themselves.