What are children doing at 4-5 years?

Feeling and connecting

At this age, your child:

By the time your child is 5 years old, they’ll probably have more control over their behaviour and emotions and fewer tantrums.

Playing and learning

Play is important because it’s still how children learn and explore feelings.

Your child:

  • likes to sing, dance and act
  • loves make-believe play and is learning the difference between fantasy and reality
  • might also try different roles and behaviour, like being a doctor or getting married
  • might have a sense of humour and enjoy jokes and funny stories.

Thinking

Your child:

  • understands more about opposites – for example, high/low
  • knows the names of letters and numbers out of order
  • can count to 10
  • might remember their own address
  • might know the difference between left and right.

Talking and understanding

Children’s language develops a lot at 4-5 years. Your child:

  • loves telling stories and having conversations
  • tells you how they feel
  • asks a lot of questions
  • says words that rhyme
  • might talk about their ideas.

At 4 years, your child knows hundreds of words and can use 5-6 words or more in sentences. You can understand what your child is saying all the time.

By 5 years, your child can speak more clearly and will know, understand and use even more words, often in more complex sentences of up to 9 words. Your child understands most things you say and can follow multi-step, complex instructions.

Exploring bodies and gender

Your child:

  • probably expresses their gender through the way they talk about themselves and the clothes they choose
  • can recognise other people’s gender
  • might be very curious about bodies – for example, they might look at their own and other children’s genitals.

Curiosity about bodies, gender roles and sexual concepts is usually a typical part of childhood sexual development and behaviour. But if you’re concerned about a child’s sexual behaviour, it’s a good idea to talk with a GP, a paediatrician or another qualified health professional.

Practising daily skills

Your child can:

  • dress themselves
  • go to the toilet independently
  • probably use a fork, spoon and sometimes a knife.

You still need to supervise and help your child with tasks like brushing teeth.

Moving

Preschoolers love moving and being active. Your child is getting better at:

  • walking down steps (maybe using the rail) with alternating feet
  • throwing, catching and kicking a ball
  • running and climbing
  • jumping, hopping and balancing on one foot.

Your child might also develop some new gross motor skills – for example, skipping, jumping backwards or jumping while running.

Your child’s fine motor skills are improving too. Your child:

  • can cut with child-safe scissors
  • can do up buttons and write their first name and some letters
  • might be able to draw a circle
  • might be able to do detailed drawings of people with body parts and clothes.

Your child’s brain develops connections faster in the first 5 years than at any other time in their life. Stimulating and caring environments with plenty of different activities help to build these connections and lay the foundations for learning, health and behaviour throughout life.

How can you help your child grow and develop between 4 and 5 years?

Make time for play

Preschooler play helps your child explore and express emotions like joy, excitement, anger or fear. For example, you and your child could try pretend play with puppets.

Outdoor play lets your child explore the natural environment, have adventures and test their physical limits. It might include messy play in sand or mud, games of chasey or treasure hunts. When you’re outside, remember to be safe in the sun, safe around water and safe around dogs and other pets.

Creative activities include collage, drawing, dress-up games, storytelling, musical play with simple instruments and dance.

It’s good to play games with your child that involve learning to share and taking turns. When you play, say things like, ‘Now it’s my turn to build the tower, then it’s your turn’, or ‘You share the red blocks with me, and I’ll share the green blocks with you’.

Digital play can spark your child’s imagination. But it’s important to balance screen time and digital technology use with other activities that are good for development, like physical play, creative play and reading.

Read

Reading together, telling stories, singing songs and reciting nursery rhymes all encourage your child’s talking, thinking and imagination. These activities also help your child learn to read as they get older.

Make time to move

Daily physical activity strengthens your child’s muscles and bones. It’s also good for their confidence, as they discover that they can climb higher, run faster and jump further all the time. As your child tests their physical limits, keep checking that your home is safe.

Get your child involved in daily life

You can build your child’s independence and confidence by giving them simple chores, asking for their input on family routines, and encouraging them to do personal hygiene tasks themselves. Even if you have to check their teeth-brushing or bottom-wiping, it’s still good for them to practise.

Cooking together also helps your child build daily skills, learn early numeracy concepts and get interested in healthy food. You can give your child simple cooking activities, like tossing a salad or putting together sandwiches.

Look into preschool

At 4-5 years, your child can go to preschool. At preschool your child can learn through play, make friends, and develop responsibility, independence and confidence. Preschool can support and encourage your child’s amazing development – and it can be a lot of fun too.

Be your child’s cheerleader

As your child learns new things, celebrate their achievements with praise and positive attention. This will help them feel good and encourage them to keep using their skills, even when it’s difficult.

When preschoolers behave in positive ways, it’s good for their learning, development, health and wellbeing. Behaviour tips and strategies can help.

How to parent a preschooler and look after yourself

As a parent, you’re always learning. It’s OK to feel confident about what you know. And it’s OK to admit you don’t know something and ask questions or get help.

It’s also important to look after yourself. Looking after yourself physically, mentally and emotionally is good for you, and it’s good for your child. When you’re well, you can give your child the loving attention they need to grow and thrive.

Part of looking after yourself is asking for help, especially if you’re feeling stressed, anxious or angry. There are many people who can support you and your child, including your partner, friends, relatives, child and family health nurse and GP. It’s a good idea to have a list of these people with their contact details. Put the list on your fridge, so it’s easy to find if you need it.

Never shake, hit or verbally abuse a child. If you feel like you can’t cope or you might hurt your child, gently put them somewhere safe. Take deep breaths to calm down. Get support by talking to a family member or friend or by calling a parenting helpline or Lifeline on 131 114.

When to be concerned about child development at 4 years

You know your child best. So it’s a good idea to see your child and family health nurse or GP if you have any concerns or notice that your 4-year-old has any of the following issues.

Seeing, hearing and communicating

Your child:

  • has trouble seeing or hearing things
  • doesn’t use sentences of 4 or more words
  • doesn’t talk about their day
  • can’t understand 2-part instructions like ‘Put the doll down, and pick up the ball’
  • doesn’t know any colours.

Behaviour and play

Your child:

  • doesn’t pretend during play – for example, doesn’t pretend to be a grown-up, go shopping or have a tea party
  • still has tantrums over very small things or clings or cries when you leave
  • doesn’t seem to show empathy – for example, doesn’t try to comfort others who are hurt or sad
  • seems very afraid, anxious or sad a lot of the time.

Movement

Your child:

  • is clumsy – for example, trips over a lot when walking or running
  • finds it hard to handle small objects like a pencil or crayon
  • has trouble drawing shapes like circles or crosses
  • has difficulty eating, dressing or using the toilet.

When to be concerned about child development at 5 years

It’s a good idea to see your child and family health nurse or GP if you notice your 5-year-old has any of the following issues.

Seeing, hearing and communicating

Your child:

  • has trouble seeing or hearing things
  • can’t understand multi-step, complex instructions like ‘Put the doll down, get the ball from under the chair, and put it in the box’
  • has trouble having a conversation – for example, doesn’t understand how to talk, listen and respond.

Behaviour and play

Your child:

  • doesn’t play with other children or acts in a very aggressive way
  • doesn’t show empathy – for example, doesn’t try to comfort others who are hurt or upset
  • seems afraid, unhappy or sad a lot of the time
  • is easily distracted and can’t concentrate on any single activity for more than a few minutes
  • doesn’t pretend during play – for example, doesn’t play doctors and nurses, construction in the sandpit or cooking.

Movement

Your child:

  • is clumsy – for example, trips over a lot when walking or running
  • finds it hard to use small objects like a pencil or crayon
  • has trouble drawing shapes like circles or squares
  • has difficulty eating, dressing or using the toilet.

See a child health professional if you notice that your child has lost skills they once had.

Development happens in a similar order in most children, but skills might develop at different ages or times. If you’re wondering whether your child’s development is on track, or if you feel that something isn’t quite right, it’s best to get help early. See your child and family health nurse or GP.

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