Child development at 3-4 years: what’s happening

Emotions
This is an important time in your child’s emotional development.

During this year your child really starts to understand that their body, mind and emotions are their own. Your child knows the difference between feeling happy, sad, afraid or angry.

Your child also shows fear of imaginary things, cares about how others act and shows affection for familiar people. And as your child gets more confident, they’ll also get better at handling their emotions.

Playing and learning
Play is important because it’s how your child learns and explores feelings.

Your child is now more interested in playing and making friends with other children. Your child might start to play more cooperatively in small groups. Sharing gets easier because your child understands the concept of ‘mine’ and ‘yours’.

Your child is becoming more imaginative during play. For example, your child might play pretend games with imaginary friends or toys, like having a tea party with toys. Your child might also try different roles – for example, they might pretend to be a doctor or a parent. And at this age, it’s common for preschoolers to have imaginary friends, although your child can probably tell the difference between real and fantasy.

By 4 years, your child might enjoy tricking others and describing what happened – for example, ‘Mum thought I was asleep!’ At the same time, your child also worries about being tricked by others.

Your child might be very curious about bodies – their own and other people’s. For example, you might find your child looking at their own and other children’s genitals. A combination of natural curiosity and role-playing is usually a typical part of childhood sexual behaviour. But if you’re concerned about a child’s sexual behaviour, it’s a good idea to talk with a GP, a paediatrician or another qualified health professional.

Talking
Your child’s language develops a lot this year.

Your child learns a lot of new words by listening to you and other adults and also by listening to stories. Your child also shows more interest in communicating and might like to tell stories and have conversations.

Your child understands most of what you say and might guess the words they don’t know. Generally, your child understands many more words than they can say.

Around 3 years, your child uses sentences of 3-5 words, or even more. Other people understand what your child is saying most of the time. Your child also points to parts of pictures – for example, the nose of a cow – and names common objects.

By 4 years, your child speaks in longer sentences of around 5-6 words or more. Other people understand your child all the time. Your child also understands most things you say and follows instructions with 2-3 steps, as long as they’re about familiar things – for example, ‘Close the book, and give it to Mum’. Your child understands adjectives like ‘long’ or ‘thin’ and uses ‘feeling’ words like ‘happy’ or ‘sad’.

Thinking
Your child is fascinated by the world around them and asks a lot of ‘who’, ‘what’, ‘where’ and ‘why’ questions. When it comes to understanding, your child knows about opposites like big/small and more/less and concepts like ‘on’, ‘in’ and ‘under’.

Your child’s memory is developing. For example, your child can remember nursery rhymes and might even repeat them back to you. Your child is also starting to point out and name letters and numbers that they remember, and they can count up to 4 objects and sort them by colour and shape.

Everyday skills
Your child loves eating family meals together. And your child understands your family routine and appreciates special events, like birthdays.

Your child is also becoming more independent. For example, your child can feed themselves, put on shoes that don’t have laces, undo buttons and do a bit more when they’re getting dressed.

Your child is probably toilet trained, and they might be able to do some daily hygiene tasks on their own, like going to the toilet, wiping poo from their bottom and washing their hands and face. But your child still needs your help and supervision with tasks like brushing teeth.

Moving
Your child loves moving and being active. Your child is better at walking up steps, riding a tricycle, throwing, catching and kicking a ball, running, climbing, jumping, hopping and balancing on one foot. With your child so active, it’s a good idea to look at how you can make your home safe.

When it comes to using their hands, your child might be able to draw a circle or square, build big towers using blocks, and use child-safe scissors. Your child loves using crayons, pencils and paintbrushes, which is great because drawing and painting build your child’s imagination.

At this age, your child might also:

  • unscrew a lid from a jar
  • know their own age
  • know the names of some shapes and colours
  • hold a pencil and copy some letters by 4 years
  • dress and undress themselves.

Helping child development at 3-4 years

Here are simple things you can do to help your child’s development at this age:

  • Give your child plenty of playtime: play is important for developing preschooler emotions, because it helps preschoolers explore and express feelings like joy, excitement, anger or fear. For example, you and your child could try pretend play with puppets .
  • Spend time playing outdoors: this lets your child explore the natural environment, have adventures and test their physical limits. Outdoor play might include messy play in sand or mud, games of chasey or treasure hunts. When you’re outside, remember to be safe in the sun.
  • Make time for creative and artistic play: this might be collage, drawing, dress-up games or storytelling. Musical play is another idea – your child might like to dance, jump around or make music with simple instruments.
  • Read with your preschooler: reading together, telling stories, singing songs and reciting nursery rhymes all encourage your child’s talking, thinking and imagination. These activities also help your child learn to read as they get older.
  • Do some cooking with your child: this helps your preschooler to get interested in healthy food, learn new words and understand maths concepts like ‘half’, ‘1 teaspoon’ or ‘30 minutes’. You can give your child simple things to do, like tossing a salad or putting together sandwiches.
  • Play games with your child that involve learning to share and taking turns. When you play, say things like, ‘Now it’s my turn to build the tower, then it’s your turn’, or ‘You share the red blocks with me, and I’ll share the green blocks with you’. Sharing is still hard for children at this age, so give your child plenty of praise when they share.

At 3-4 years, your child can go to preschool. At preschool your child can learn through play, make friends, and develop responsibility, independence and confidence. Preschool can support and encourage your child’s amazing development – and it can be a lot of fun too.

Parenting a preschooler at 3-4 years

As a parent, you’re always learning. It’s OK to feel confident about what you know. And it’s OK to admit you don’t know and ask questions or get help.

It’s also important to look after yourself. Looking after yourself physically, mentally and emotionally is good for you, and it’s good for your child. When you’re well, you can give your child the loving attention they need to grow and thrive. You can also guide your child’s behaviour in positive ways, even when you find their behaviour challenging.

And remember that part of looking after yourself is asking for help, especially if you’re feeling stressed, anxious or angry. There are many people who can support you and your child, including your partner, friends, relatives, child and family health nurse and GP.

Never shake, hit or verbally abuse a child. You risk harming your child, even if you don’t mean to. If you feel like you can’t cope, it’s OK to take some time out until you feel calmer. Gently put your child in a safe place like their bedroom. Go to another room to breathe deeply, or call your state or territory parenting helpline.

When to be concerned about child development at 3 years

You know your child best. So it’s a good idea to see your child and family health nurse or GP if you have any concerns or notice that your 3-year-old has any of the following issues.

Seeing, hearing and communication
Your child:

  • doesn’t look you in the eye
  • has trouble seeing or hearing things
  • isn’t using 3-word sentences
  • doesn’t understand 2-part instructions – for example, ‘Get your shoes, and put them in the box’
  • is often hard to understand when talking to you, family or friends.

Behaviour and play
Your child:

  • finds it difficult to separate from their primary caregiver
  • isn’t interested in other children
  • doesn’t pretend during play – for example, doesn’t pretend to go shopping or ride on a bus.

Movement and motor skills
Your child:

  • is clumsy – for example, trips over a lot when walking or running
  • finds it hard to handle small objects – for example, a pencil or crayon
  • isn’t drawing simple shapes.

When to be concerned about child development at 4 years

It’s a good idea to see your child and family health nurse or GP if you have any concerns or notice that your 4-year-old has any of the following issues.

Seeing, hearing and communicating
Your child:

  • has trouble seeing or hearing things
  • doesn’t use sentences of more than 3 words
  • can’t understand 2-part instructions like ‘Put the doll down, and pick up the ball’.

Behaviour and play
Your child:

  • has big tantrums over very small things or clings and cries when you leave
  • doesn’t seem to show empathy – for example, doesn’t try to comfort others who are hurt or sad
  • doesn’t pretend during play – for example, doesn’t pretend to be a grown-up or have a tea party
  • seems very afraid, unhappy or sad a lot of the time.

Movement and motor skills
Your child:

  • is clumsy – for example, trips over a lot when walking or running
  • finds it hard to handle small objects – for example, a pencil or crayon
  • has trouble drawing shapes – for example, a circle or square
  • has difficulty dressing themselves or using the toilet.

See a child health professional if at any age your child experiences a noticeable and consistent loss of skills they had before.

Development usually happens in the same order in most children, but skills might develop at different ages or times. If you’re wondering whether your child’s development is on track, or if you feel that something isn’t quite right, it’s best to get help early. See your child and family health nurse or GP.

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