What are children doing at 3-4 years?

Feeling

This is an important time in your child’s emotional development. During this year your child:

  • starts to understand that their body, mind and emotions are their own
  • knows the difference between feeling happy, sad, afraid or angry
  • might be afraid of imaginary things
  • cares about how other people act
  • shows affection for familiar people
  • shows kindness and care towards others.

And as your child gets more confident, they’ll also get better at managing their emotions.

Thinking

Your child:

  • is fascinated by the world around them and asks a lot of ‘who’, ‘what’, ‘where’ and ‘why’ questions
  • knows their own age
  • knows the names of some shapes and colours
  • knows about opposites like big/small and more/less and concepts like ‘on’, ‘in’ and ‘under’
  • is starting to point out and name letters and numbers
  • can count up to 4 objects and sort them by colour and shape
  • remembers nursery rhymes and might even repeat them back to you.

Playing and learning

Play is important because it’s how your child learns.

Your child:

  • is more interested in playing and making friends with other children
  • starting to play more cooperatively in small groups
  • understands the concept of ‘mine’ and ‘yours’, so sharing is easier
  • is starting to understand and follow rules.

Your child is becoming more imaginative during play and can probably tell the difference between real and make-believe. For example, your child might:

  • play pretend games with imaginary friends or toys, like having a tea party with toys
  • try different roles – for example, they might pretend to be a doctor or a parent
  • have imaginary friends.

By 4 years, your child might enjoy tricking others and describing what happened – for example, ‘Mum thought I was asleep!’ At the same time, your child also worries about being tricked by others.

Talking and understanding

Your child’s language develops a lot this year.

Your child:

  • learns a lot of new words by listening to you and others and also by listening to stories
  • might like to tell stories and have conversations.
  • understands many more words than they can say.
  • understands most of what you say and might guess the words they don’t know.

Around 3 years, your child:

  • uses sentences of 3-5 words or even more
  • points to parts of pictures – for example, the nose of a cow – and names common objects
  • can be understood by other people most of the time.

By 4 years, your child:

  • speaks in longer sentences of around 5-6 words or more
  • follows instructions with 2-3 steps, as long as they’re about familiar things – for example, ‘Close the book, and give it to Mum’
  • understands adjectives like ‘long’ or ‘thin’
  • uses ‘feeling’ words like ‘happy’ or ‘sad’
  • can be understood by most adults.

Exploring bodies and gender

Your child:

  • probably expresses their gender through the way they talk about themselves and the clothes they choose
  • can recognise other people’s gender
  • might be very curious about bodies – for example, they might look at their own and other children’s genitals.

Curiosity about bodies, gender roles and sexual concepts is usually a typical part of childhood sexual development and behaviour. But if you’re concerned about a child’s sexual behaviour, it’s a good idea to talk with a GP, a paediatrician or another qualified health professional.

Moving

Your child loves moving and being active. They’re better at:

  • walking up steps
  • riding a tricycle
  • throwing, catching and kicking a ball
  • running and climbing
  • jumping, hopping and balancing on one foot.

When it comes to using their hands, your child might:

  • draw circles or squares
  • build big towers using blocks
  • use child-safe scissors
  • love using crayons, pencils and paintbrushes
  • copy some letters by 4 years
  • be able to unscrew lids from jars.

Building everyday skills and enjoying family life

Your child:

  • can feed themselves
  • can dress and undress themselves, put on shoes that don’t have laces, and undo buttons
  • is probably toilet trained, but they might still wet the bed at night
  • might be able to go to the toilet by themselves, wipe their own poo, and wash their hands and face
  • still needs your help and supervision with tasks like brushing teeth.

Your child also:

  • loves eating family meals together
  • understands your family routine
  • appreciates special events, like birthdays.

Your child’s brain develops connections faster in the first 5 years than at any other time in their life. Stimulating and caring environments with plenty of different activities help to build these connections and lay the foundations for learning, health and behaviour throughout life.

How can you help your child grow and develop between 3 and 4 years?

Make time for play

Preschooler play helps your child explore and express emotions like joy, excitement, anger or fear. For example, you and your child could try pretend play with puppets.

Outdoor play lets your child explore the natural environment, have adventures and test their physical limits. It might include messy play in sand or mud, games of chasey or treasure hunts. When you’re outside, remember to be safe in the sun, safe around water and safe around dogs and other pets.

Creative activities include collage, drawing, dress-up games, storytelling, musical play with simple instruments and dance.

It’s good to play games with your child that involve learning to share and taking turns. When you play, say things like, ‘Now it’s my turn to build the tower, then it’s your turn’, or ‘You share the red blocks with me, and I’ll share the green blocks with you’.

Digital play can spark your child’s imagination. But it’s important to balance screen time and digital technology use with other activities that are good for development, like physical play, creative play and reading.

Read together

Reading with your preschooler, telling stories, singing songs and reciting nursery rhymes all encourage your child’s talking, thinking and imagination. These activities also help your child learn to read as they get older.

Make time to move

Daily physical activity strengthens your child’s muscles and bones. It’s also good for their confidence, as they discover that they can climb higher, run faster and jump further all the time. As your child tests their physical limits, keep checking that your home is safe.

Get your child involved in family life

You can build your child’s independence and confidence by giving them simple chores and asking for their input on family routines.

Cooking together also helps your child build daily skills, learn early numeracy concepts and get interested in healthy food. You can give your child simple cooking activities, like tossing a salad or putting together sandwiches.

Look into preschool

At 3-4 years, your child can go to preschool. At preschool your child can learn through play, make friends, and develop responsibility, independence and confidence. Preschool can support and encourage your child’s amazing development – and it can be a lot of fun too.

Be your child’s cheerleader

As your child learns new things, celebrate their achievements with praise and positive attention. This will help them feel good and encourage them to keep using their skills, even when it’s difficult.

When preschoolers behave in positive ways, it’s good for their learning, development, health and wellbeing. Behaviour tips and strategies can help.

How to parent a preschooler and look after yourself

As a parent, you’re always learning. It’s OK to feel confident about what you know. And it’s OK to admit you don’t know and ask questions or get help.

It’s also important to look after yourself. Looking after yourself physically, mentally and emotionally is good for you, and it’s good for your child. When you’re well, you can give your child the loving attention they need to grow and thrive.

Part of looking after yourself is asking for help, especially if you’re feeling stressed, anxious or angry. There are many people who can support you and your child, including your partner, friends, relatives, child and family health nurse and GP. It’s a good idea to have a list of these people with their contact details. Put the list on your fridge, so it’s easy to find if you need it.

Never shake, hit or verbally abuse a child. If you feel like you can’t cope or you might hurt your child, gently put them somewhere safe. Take deep breaths to calm down. Get support by talking to a family member or friend or by calling a parenting helpline or Lifeline on 131 114.

When to be concerned about child development at 3 years

You know your child best. So it’s a good idea to see your child and family health nurse or GP if you have any concerns or notice that your 3-year-old has any of the following issues.

Seeing, hearing and communication

Your child:

  • doesn’t look you in the eye
  • has trouble seeing or hearing things
  • isn’t using 3-word sentences
  • doesn’t understand 2-part instructions like ‘Get your shoes, and put them in the box’
  • is often hard to understand when talking to you, family or friends.

Behaviour and play

Your child:

  • finds it difficult to separate from their primary caregiver
  • isn’t interested in other children
  • doesn’t pretend during play – for example, doesn’t pretend to go shopping or ride on a bus.

Movement

Your child:

  • is clumsy – for example, trips over a lot when walking or running
  • sways from side to side when walking or running
  • finds it hard to handle small objects – for example, a pencil or crayon
  • isn’t scribbling or drawing simple shapes.

When to be concerned about child development at 4 years

It’s a good idea to see your child and family health nurse or GP if you have any concerns or notice that your 4-year-old has any of the following issues.

Seeing, hearing and communicating

Your child:

  • has trouble seeing or hearing things
  • doesn’t use sentences of 4 or more words
  • doesn’t talk about their day
  • can’t understand 2-part instructions like ‘Put the doll down, and pick up the ball’
  • doesn’t know any colours.

Behaviour and play

Your child:

  • has tantrums over very small things or clings and cries when you leave
  • doesn’t seem to show empathy – for example, doesn’t try to comfort others who are hurt or sad
  • doesn’t pretend during play – for example, doesn’t pretend to be a grown-up or have a tea party
  • seems afraid, anxious or sad a lot of the time.

Movement

Your child:

  • is clumsy – for example, trips over a lot when walking or running
  • finds it hard to handle small objects like a pencil or crayon
  • has trouble drawing shapes like circles or squares
  • has difficulty dressing themselves or using the toilet.

See a child health professional if you notice that your child has lost skills they once had.

Development happens in a similar order in most children, but skills might develop at different ages or times. If you’re wondering whether your child’s development is on track, or if you feel that something isn’t quite right, it’s best to get help early. See your child and family health nurse or GP.

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