Bonding basics
Bonding is about responding to babies’ needs with love, warmth and care.
When you do this, you become a special, trusted person in your sick or premature baby’s life. You help your baby feel safe and secure. This lays the foundation for all areas of your baby’s development.
Bonding happens over time, but it’s built on everyday moments – things like smiling at your baby, touching them, using loving words and responding to their needs.
Bonding with sick or premature babies in the NICU
It can take time for you to develop a bond with your new baby, especially if they’re sick or premature.
This is natural, especially if your baby needs to be cared for in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). You might not be able to hold, see or even visit your baby as much as you’d like early on, especially if you live far away from the hospital or have older children to care for. The worry about your baby’s health might also get you down and make it hard for you to feel positive.
But there’s a lot you can do in the NICU to feel close to your baby and develop a bond.
Tips for bonding with sick or premature babies in the NICU
Here are ideas to help you bond with your sick or premature baby while they’re in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU).
Touch and hold your baby
Touching and holding can help your baby feel settled, cared for and supported. For example, you can hold your baby’s hand or cup their feet. Early skin-to-skin cuddles (kangaroo care) are good too.
This kind of touch lets your baby know that you’ll help them feel calm, especially during procedures or at other times when they’re feeling stressed.
Learn your baby’s body language
Your baby’s body language tells you how they’re feeling.
Over time, you’ll learn how to tune in to your baby’s body language. You’ll start to recognise their feelings and needs – for example, when they want to play or they’ve had enough stimulation. The hospital staff can also help you start reading your baby’s body language.
Play with your baby
Playing with your baby helps their development.
It also helps your baby:
- get to know you
- feel loved and secure
- learn about relationships and comfort
- learn about their physical environment.
While your baby is in the NICU, you can play with them by making eye contact, making faces, singing, smiling and reading to them. Always pay close attention to your baby’s body language so you know when they’ve had enough.
Share your smell
Your smell will comfort your baby.
Holding and touching helps your baby learn to recognise your smell. If you can’t be with your baby, you can leave something that smells of you with your baby, like a small cloth with a few drops of breastmilk.
Try to avoid wearing perfume or strongly scented deodorant because these can interfere with your baby getting to know your smell.
Be predictable
Doing things in a similar way helps your baby recognise that you’re the special, consistent person in their life. For example, saying or doing the same thing each time you’re about to do kangaroo care gives your baby the cue that something pleasant is about to happen. They’ll start to feel secure about you and your way of being with them.
Look after your baby
You can get involved in your baby’s daily care by doing things like changing their nappy, washing their face and helping to reposition them. Through helping with your baby’s care, you’ll learn how to handle your baby in the ways they like best, which will help them feel more settled.
Look after yourself
If you have a baby in the NICU, it can be stressful for you. It’s OK to feel many different emotions. Looking after yourself in the NICU and accepting your feelings is good for your wellbeing. And when you’re well, you’ll be better able to care for and bond with your baby.
Repeated human contact through touch, cuddling, talking, singing and facial expressions will help your baby’s brain to develop. This also makes your baby’s brain produce chemicals and hormones that help your baby grow emotionally and physically.