About bonding and attachment with babies
Your bond with your baby is shaped by the things you do together, and the way you make your baby feel. For example, bonding is about things like:
- responding to your baby’s needs for food, sleep, clean nappies and so on
- showing your baby warmth and love
- smiling and looking into your baby’s eyes
- touching or cuddling your baby
- playing with your baby
- talking to your baby.
When you do things like this with your baby, it helps your baby learn that their world is safe and secure and that they’re loved.
Your loving relationship with your baby is vital for baby’s development. When your baby feels safe, secure and loved, your baby is more confident to explore their world. And this is how your baby learns and develops communication, social, physical and other skills.
Bonding at 3-6 months: what it looks like and how to respond
Bonding at this age is all about responding warmly to your baby’s attempts to communicate with you. For example, when your baby smiles at you, they want you to look at them and smile back. Your baby will still cry to tell you they need something too, but by about 5 months you might also hear grunts, squeals and gurgles. Your baby will also start to laugh or say words like ‘ah-goo’ to get your attention.
Here are some things you can do to respond to your baby and bond at this age:
- Place your baby on your lap, facing you. Look gently into your baby’s eyes and speak softly while you’re looking at each other. Keep looking at baby and respond to baby’s reactions with smiles, words and encouraging noises.
- When you change your baby’s nappy, fold clothes or do other household tasks, talk to your baby about what you’re doing. The sound of your voice is soothing to your baby.
- Show you’re listening when your baby makes noises. Try smiling, nodding, widening your eyes, and lifting your eyebrows. You can also say things like, ‘Is that right?’ or ‘Aren’t you talking well!’ This all encourages your baby to keep communicating, which builds your bond.
- Help your baby to calm down after being upset or excited. You can do this by stroking baby, saying gentle words and playing soothing music.
Bonding at 6-9 months: what it looks like and how to respond
The way you bond with your baby at this age is influenced by baby’s developing movement and communication skills. For example, your baby might crawl after you or reach out for you now, as well as trying to communicate through babbling and making sounds. This can make it easier to understand what baby needs and work out how to respond.
Here are some things you can do to respond to your baby and bond at this age:
- Respond when baby reaches for you or crawls after you. If you can’t pick baby up or cuddle baby straight away, you can smile and use a warm tone of voice to reassure baby – for example, ‘Hello! Do you want a cuddle? I’ll just put the laundry down first’.
- Use words that show you understand how baby is feeling when you respond to baby’s needs. And repeat words to help your baby understand their meanings. For example, when you’re feeding your baby, you could say, ‘Are you hungry?’, ‘You’re hungry aren’t you?’ or ‘Oh, I’m hungry too’.
- Repeat your baby’s sounds. If baby says ‘ba-ba’, say ‘ba-ba’ back and wait for a response. This encourages your baby to keep communicating with you, which is good for strengthening your bond. It also teaches your baby about conversations.
- Play peekaboo with your baby by hiding your face behind your hands, then popping out with a smile. This helps baby understand that you still exist, even when they can’t see you.
At around 6-7 months, your baby might experience separation anxiety when you leave them with someone else. This is a typical part of attachment and development at this age.
Bonding at 9-12 months: what it looks like and how to respond
By this age, your baby is really starting to explore their world. This affects the way you interact and bond with your baby.
For example, your baby is probably on the move, which introduces them to new experiences and objects. But this can sometimes be scary for your baby, so warm and reassuring interactions with you give baby confidence to keep exploring and learning. And even as your baby explores and learns, you’re still the most important thing in baby’s world. This means baby still wants to be near you, show you things and know that you’re interested in what they’re doing.
Here are some things you can do to respond to your baby and bond with them as they move towards the toddler years:
- Respond to your baby’s emotional expressions. For example, you can say things like ‘Did the jack-in-the-box give you a fright?’ This helps your baby eventually understand and manage their own feelings. And empathising with baby is good for your bond as well.
- Tune in to your baby’s interests. For example, if baby shows you Teddy, you could say ‘Yes, it’s Teddy. Is Teddy having a cuddle?’
- Make it easy for your baby to play and explore while still being near you. For example, you could put some of baby’s favourite toys on a low shelf in the family room.