Parties and social events with autistic children
If you or your autistic child want to go to a party or social event, preparation can help your child know what to expect. And planning can help you and your child feel more confident. This means you’re both more likely to enjoy yourselves.
Parties can be fun. Parties might also help autistic children make new friends and build communication and social skills.
Preparing autistic children for parties and social events
A social story about the event or a visual support could be a good first step for your autistic child. You could focus the story or visual support on things like:
- what will happen when – for example, first people will eat, then there will be party games, and then people will sing ‘Happy birthday’
- who will be at the party – for example, children from school
- how your child can let someone know if they need a drink or the bathroom.
Role-plays are another good way to prepare your child for the event. For example, you and your child could role-play things like arriving, saying hello or giving presents.
Video-modelling can also help. For example, you could watch a video together of children playing one of the games that your child will play at the party. You can buy ready-made videos, find them on YouTube, or make your own.
Planning for parties and social events with autistic children: tips
These planning tips can make things more enjoyable when you’re going to parties and social events with your autistic child:
- Go to parties or social events only for the parts your child can manage. For example, if a birthday party involves an activity your child enjoys, like craft, just go for that.
- Organise with another trusted adult to take turns supervising your child.
- Plan what you’ll do if your child feels overwhelmed. For example, plan to take your child for a walk or to sit in a quiet room, or take some favourite toys or books to use if your child needs to calm down.
Hosting parties for autistic children: tips from parents
Planning is the key to holding a successful party for your autistic child. Think about ways to make the party inclusive for diverse needs, including your child’s needs. Other parents have found these ideas helpful:
- Plan for a short party with a clear structure.
- Give the party a theme based on your child’s interests.
- Provide food that’s sensory friendly and that your child likes.
- Hold the party in a familiar and contained environment like your house or your local play centre.
- Minimise unstructured playtime.
- Avoid things that you know could distress your child. For example, you might serve the cake without singing ‘Happy birthday’ if your child is sensitive to noise.
- Make sure there’s always an adult nearby who knows the signs that your child is starting to feel overwhelmed and can help.
- Make sure all the adults know how to help your child feel comfortable and have fun.
Building skills to help autistic children manage parties and social events
As a longer-term strategy, you can help your autistic child build skills like taking turns, sharing, joining in and calming down. These skills are good for parties and other social events, but they’re also useful in the playground and classroom or when your child is with friends.
For example, you might know that your child gets upset when they lose a game. So you could work on losing gracefully. You could build skills in this area by using a social story that shows that it’s OK to lose. Or you could give your child practice losing at games of chance like ‘snap’ or ‘snakes and ladders’.
It can also help to teach your child to say, ‘Well done, you win’. You could introduce a reward of 10 minutes of a favourite activity each time your child uses the script and loses gracefully. You might need to provide the reward at birthday parties and other social events to start with.
Our articles on learning to play fair and learning to share have ideas for helping children develop these skills. You can adapt these ideas for your autistic child.