How to build self-esteem & confidence in kids at 1-8 years

What are self-esteem and confidence for children?

Self-esteem

Self-esteem is:

liking yourself
feeling worthwhile
knowing what you do well.

Confidence

Confidence is feeling capable of things like:

trying something new
learning a new skill
dealing with challenges.

Are self-esteem and confidence related?

Self-esteem and confidence work together.

When children have self-esteem, they’re often more confident to try new things. And as they practise new skills and cope with challenges, they feel capable and good about themselves – so their confidence and self-esteem grow.

But confidence and self-esteem are also separate. For example, children with good self-esteem can still lack confidence in particular situations. And children with low self-esteem can still have confidence in a particular skill.

How to lay the foundations for self-esteem in babies

Newborns and very young babies don’t have self-esteem. That’s because they don’t yet see themselves as being their own person.

But you can still lay the foundations for healthy self-esteem at this age through warm and responsive interactions. These interactions tell your baby that they’re loved and lovable. Over time, this secure foundation supports your child’s self-esteem and confidence.

Tips

Care for your baby with warmth and responsiveness.
Respond when your baby cries.
Give your baby plenty of cuddles and smiles.

Warm and loving relationships are the foundation of children’s self-esteem because they make children feel valued and worthwhile. Relationships are built on plenty of responsive, caring interactions with your child. Family rituals are important too, because they build your family relationships and give your child a sense of belonging.

How to build self-esteem and confidence in toddlers

Toddlers are starting to develop an understanding of themselves, what they can do, and what makes them who they are.

When you support your toddler’s growing independence and help them in new or tricky situations, you give them confidence to explore and try new things. You also nurture their self-esteem.

Tips

Let your toddler decide between safe, toddler-friendly options, like which toy to play with or whether to have jam or Vegemite on their toast. This develops your toddler’s confidence to make decisions. It also builds a positive sense of self.
Give your toddler the chance to say no sometimes. Toddlers need to assert themselves and learn that decisions have consequences. For example, if your toddler says no when you ask them if they want a drink, that’s OK. Feeling thirsty won’t hurt them.
Let your toddler explore their environment, but be ready to respond if they need you. For example, your toddler might be fascinated by an ant but frightened when the ant crawls on their foot. Your toddler needs you to let them know it’s OK.
Coach your toddler through tricky social situations. For example, your toddler might find it hard to share and take turns because they’re learning who they are and what’s theirs. You can say, ‘It’s my turn to have the red block now. Great sharing – well done!’

How to boost self-esteem and confidence in preschoolers

At this age, children often compare themselves with others and notice what they can and can’t do.

You can nurture your child’s self-esteem by helping them value themselves for their efforts, not just their achievements. This also helps your child develop confidence to keep trying new things, even when they don’t get them right straight away.

Tips

Give your child balanced feedback. This is praising your child for giving things a go, doing their best or trying something new – not for being the ‘best’. It encourages them to appreciate other people’s successes too. For example, ‘Well done for trying hard in the race – I’m proud of you’.
Show your child that you value them, regardless of whether they win or lose something. For example, you can ask questions like ‘Did you give it a good try?’ or ‘Did you have fun?’ before you ask ‘Did you win?’
Play simple board games or card games together. Turn-taking games like these help your child learn how to play cooperatively and get along with others. This can give your child skills and confidence in social situations.
Encourage your child to help you with household chores like setting the table or putting away laundry. This shows your child that you trust them with responsibility, which helps your child feel good about themselves.

Family meals can be a simple but important way to strengthen a sense of value and belonging for children of all ages. That’s because all children can contribute to a family meal – for example, by setting the table, washing vegetables, tossing a salad and so on. Family meals can also give everyone a chance to talk about things that are important to them.

How to help school-age kids handle self-esteem challenges and feel more confident

At this age, self-esteem tends to relate to many things, including how well children learn, how they look, how they do at sport and how easily they make friends.

At school, your child might compare themselves with their friends and classmates. This and other school challenges might dent your child’s self-esteem and confidence because your child might feel less capable than others for the first time.

With your support, these experiences can help your child learn that they don’t need to be perfect at everything to be loved and valued, feel worthwhile and believe in themselves.

Tips

Give extra affection, attention and connection at the end of the school day. This helps your child remember you love them, regardless of how their day went.
Focus on the effort your child puts in and the courage it takes to try new or difficult things. For example, ‘I know you were worried about dancing in the concert, but you were so brave to give it go’.
Encourage your child to try again when things don’t go to plan the first time. You could say, ‘Go on, give it another try – I believe you can do it if you keep trying’. This also builds your child’s resilience.
Coach your child through tricky social situations. For example, ‘You could ask if you can join the handball games at lunch time’. You could also role-play these situations with your child. This helps your child feel more confident about taking steps towards making friends.
Give your child opportunities to try new things. Listening to or playing music, drawing, painting, making things and reading for enjoyment are all ways to help your child value their abilities and build confidence.

Being connected to other people who care about them is important for children’s self-esteem. It helps to strengthen their sense of who they are. You could encourage your child to see their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, if that works for your family. Or you could get involved in a local religious community, sporting club or community service.