Helpful thinking: why it’s good for children, teenagers and parents

Helpful thinking can help you and your child notice and appreciate the positive things in your lives.

It’s easy to spend a lot of time thinking about things that have gone wrong. When you do this, these things can seem overwhelming and lead to worry and stress. Helpful thinking can help you keep negative things and difficult times in perspective.

Also, if you notice the positives and keep the negatives in perspective, it’s good for your happiness and wellbeing.

The more you think in a helpful way, the easier it becomes. A helpful thinking activity can get you and your child into the habit of identifying negative thoughts, putting things in perspective, and focusing on things that have gone well.

How to do a helpful thinking activity

1. Each day for a week, take 10-15 minutes to write down 3 things that went well. This could be something as simple as ‘My son gave me a nice smile this morning’. Or it might be a major event – for example, ‘I organised my daughter’s birthday party’.
2. Underneath each thing that went well, write what you did to make it happen. For example, if you wrote, ‘My son gave me a nice smile today’, you could write, ‘I smiled and he smiled back’.
3. Try not to let negative thoughts get in the way. For example, you might think, ‘But a few minutes later, my son was arguing with his sister’. Try to keep thinking about the positive experience, no matter how small or brief.
4. Try to give it a go for a week. It might feel odd to do this at first, but it gets easier with practice.

People who do this helpful thinking exercise say they feel happier, less worried and less sad. Why not spread the happiness by sharing this activity with your family and friends?

Adapting helpful thinking for children of different ages

Younger children might need help to come up with ideas, so you could do this activity together. For example, you could remind your younger child about how they built a Lego creation that they liked. Also, younger children might find it easier to draw pictures of the positive things they’re focusing on, like a picture of a Lego block.

Older children and teenagers can try doing this exercise by themselves. But they might be going through more ups and downs than they used to, so there might be days when they find it harder to think of 3 positive things. Gentle encouragement from you can help. For example, you might need to remind your older child that they finished a tricky assignment or were kind to their younger sibling.