Teens & problem sexting: steps to help

How to help pre-teens and teenagers if they get or send inappropriate images

If you and your child have open, honest and non-judgmental conversations about sexting, your child is more likely to feel they can talk to you if they:

get an image that bothers them
are worried about an image they’ve sent.

You can help your child feel comfortable about talking to you if you tell your child you won’t be angry if they’re in a difficult situation because of sending, receiving or sharing a nude.

Your child receives a sext: what to do

If your child gets an unwanted sexually suggestive image or message, talk through how to respond:

If your child knows the sender, your child has 2 options. They can ignore the image or message. Or they can message the sender and say they’re not interested in messages like this. Encourage your child to practise saying no to sexting in ways that feel comfortable.
Tell your child not to forward the message.
If your child doesn’t know the sender, ask your child not to respond and to block the sender.
Contact your child’s school if your child is getting sexts from someone they don’t know and you think the person is connected to the school.
If an unfamiliar person on an online platform sends your child an image or message, contact the platform to report the issue.
Ask your child to tell you or another trusted adult if they keep getting unwanted images.

Reporting the problem
You can report the problem to the eSafety commissioner if you think it’s:

a criminal matter – for example, if an adult is sending or sharing sexts with your child
harassment – for example, your child keeps getting unwanted sexts.

In this situation, tell your child to:

not delete the messages
keep a record of dates and times they received the messages.

The police will need this information.

If your child is upset about a sext they’ve received, you can let them know it’s OK to feel like this. They have a right to say yes or no to sexting.

Your child sends a sext: what to do

If your child has sent a sexually suggestive image or message that they regret, it’s important to support your child and reassure them that together you’ll deal with it:

Ask your child about the content of the sext and who your child sent it to.
Encourage your child to ask the person or people who received the sext to delete it.
Advise your child to delete the sext from the phone, computer or wherever it’s stored.
If your child uploaded a sexual image to social media, encourage your child to delete the image. Show your child how to delete the image or contact the app to get the image deleted. The eSafety Commissioner can also help with removing images.
Ask your child about the context of the message. Did your child feel pressured to send the sext, or was it consensual to start with?

Reporting the problem
You can report the problem to the eSafety Commissioner or police if you think it’s:

a criminal matter– for example, it’s a crime if an adult has asked your child to send a sexually explicit image
sextortion – this is when someone threatens to share an explicit image of your child unless your child gives them money, more images or something else.

Your child’s sext is shared: what to do

It’s important to stay calm if a sexually suggestive image of your child has been shared.

Your child needs your support and reassurance that together you’ll deal with it:

Ask your child about the content of the sext and find out who it has been sent to.
Reassure your child that it’s not their fault that the image was shared.
If the image has been uploaded to social media or websites, help your child find out where it is and contact the apps or websites to ask for it to be removed. The eSafety Commissioner can also help with this.
Ask your child’s school for help identifying people who might have the image and places where it might be posted. Help your child ask people who have the image to delete it.
Encourage your child to block anyone who makes offensive comments or asks for unwanted images. Show your child how to block unwanted senders.

Reporting the problem
You can report this problem to the online platform or app involved. You can also contact the police or the eSafety Commissioner, who can help with getting the image removed from the online platform.

If a sexual or nude image of your child has been shared, your child might feel guilty, ashamed, humiliated and distressed. For some young people, this situation can lead to depression or even suicidal thoughts. It’s likely to be very upsetting for you too. You and your child can get support by contacting headspace on 1800 650 890, Kids Helpline for teens on 1800 551 800, or Lifeline on 131 114.

Your child shares someone else’s sext: what to do

If your child has shared a sexually suggestive image of someone else, it’s important to support your child and reassure them that together you’ll deal with it:

Ask your child about the content of the sext and who your child sent it to.
Encourage your child to ask the person or people who received the sext to delete it. You can help your child do this.
If your child uploaded the image to social media or websites, help your child to contact the websites to ask for the image to be removed. The eSafety Commissioner can also help with removing images.
Help your child to contact the person who sent the original sext. It’s important for your child to tell the person that their sext has been shared and then to apologise.
Ask your child about the context of the sext. Who sent the sext, and why did your child share it?
If your child sent the sext to someone at school, speak to your child’s school to ask for help to make sure the image isn’t shared more widely.

It’s also a good idea to encourage your child to ask themselves these questions:

Did the person in this picture mean for it to be shared?
If someone else sent the image, did that person have permission from the person who’s in it?
How would your child feel if somebody shared an intimate image of them?

It’s important for your child to know that sharing sexual images without a person’s consent is image-based abuse. It might also be seen as image-based child abuse if the person involved is under 18 years. Your child might face legal consequences for this.